Finding flaws in therapy again

[grit]

I agree with the person who says you may not be feeling safe (if though materially you may be) if you are dissociating too much and too often. I have also dissociated and experienced many transference psychosis which were basically being completely disintegrating at the drop of a hat but no negative psychosis. The psychosis part for me was just loosing reality just like dissociation but it was in transference that I was back in the trauma moments. I sort of let it happen and did not resist.

I deeply want therapy to help me heal.

You may be better off changing the therapy times (so rather than once a week, maybe every other week). Or alternatively, find ways to practice gratitude for recognizing these feelings and still being OK with them. The recovery of trauma is not to cut it off but to integrate so see if you can contain little stress about life in general so your anxiety muscles are stronger. Bat your back, every time you succeed the simplest things in life while you are at home or at work.

Even practice gratitude for recognizing this about you! you can use this gratitude as mantra! because there are times we do not recognize how much pain we are in but this time you are recognizing your limitation, needs and wants and finding solutions for yourself. These are good stuff.

At the end of the day, you have every right to slow down the uncovering and truly just feel supportive and safe in therapy.

Also, this is my humble opinion and it worked for me but it may not work for all, it is OK to break down in therapy (albeit as long as this is not damaging your function outside of therapy). I actually allowed to be broken down cause that to me gave me a way to build back on. The mere fear of breaking down needs to be faced in order to blow through it. Trauma is a shield and sometimes it needs to shattered by love and care. But again, as I said we are all different and at different level of integration and needs. So be good to yourself, you are already there tackling it big time.

Therapy is tough!

 

[MamaHopeful]

I have this same problem. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I just want to get well.

 

[tin-man]

Coming across bad therapists is unfortunately very common. So many people who get into the mental health profession, either do it for the wrong reasons, or become burnt out and don't realize it. It sucks that finding a good therapist can be such a struggle.

I've found that it's important to be very direct about your reasons for being in therapy. What you need from the therapist, the pace you feel comfortable with, possible triggers they need to avoid. You need to be the one directing the conversation. Because most therapists (that I've come across) have their own internalized playbook. They'll often take the strategy that's worked in the past, and if you're not very clear that this isn't working, they'll keep at it.

I know that's easier said than done, especially if you have issues with emotional regulation. But through it you'll learn very quickly whether the therapist you're dealing with is wrong for you.

 

[ILoveLife]

But through it you'll learn very quickly whether the therapist you're dealing with is wrong for you.

Interesting and accurate take on it, @tin-man.
Thank you.

 

[hithere]

I don't know if this relates or not. if not, just ignore... I reached out to a therapist via skype in a different state who is certified in the type of therapy I started doing. I just wanted a "consult" a "second opinion" --I told the horror story that is my therapy-she gasped and said how awful that was for you! (that was validating for me) I told her I think I chose this T because of all the flaws because i keep trying and trying and trying to fix the relationship-- Like I think I'm trying to fix the trauma with all the flaws of this therapy. She said a possibility is that I did not choose the therapist for that reason, but that the traumatic relationships of my past is what caused me to stay with the therapist this long.... (rubbing chin. hmmmm. that is interesting to me) again I don't know if this applies, but thought I'd share it.