Death Fist Time In 12 Years I Have Been Able To Grieve.

[Fadeaway]

I hate her, I hate her for leaving me all alone. I hate her for never having been there for me. For choosing drugs over me. I hate that I never got a chance to see you get clean long enough for us to have any form of a relationship.

Today, exactly 12 years later, the numbness is wearing off. Instead of feeling nothing, I feel anger and hate, but more than anything I feel rejected.

Despite it all, I want so badly to say the words I never got to say to you in life. You would have made fun of me and made me feel stupid if I had, but here it goes. I love you mommy.

 

[Em C.]

Good for you for taking such a significant step in your healing!

:hug: if you want them!

 

[rainy_daze]

Well done for breaking through the numbness Fade. I hope you can take good care of yourself as you work through the feelings.

^ I second those :hug:s too.

 

[nic1633]

We know we are stronger when we can admit how we feel about someone and not worry about how they would respond. You're working towards wholeness! Good on you!! :)

 

[Sammyiam]

I watched your u tube clip you posted and felt you sadness, fadeaway you are an amazing person never forget that. I wish you hadn't had to go through what you went through as there is so much pain especially I think your mum as they are the ones that are meant to be there for you and love you and hold you tight when you just need a hug. Fade any time you need to talk PM me.

Take care on such a hard day

Sammy

 

[WillyKat]

Well done.

 

[City Slicker]

She couldn't give you what you needed and she couldn't take what you had to offer. But that love and compassion flows through all of who you are. I am glad she wasn't able to destroy that in you and that long after she has gone you were finally able to tell her.

 

[joeylittle]

You are being very brave, @Fadeaway. I can't imagine how hard it would be to write what you just did. Thinking of you.

 

[Fadeaway]

Thank you all.

 

[WildMermaid]

@Fadeaway what a brave and beautiful post. <3 I still talk to my mother about the things that happened and things left unsaid before her passing and I also tell her that I love her... after all energy just changes forms but memories remain. You are bold, fierce, and lovely, please don't ever forget it! :hug:

 

[shimmerz]

You.RULE!

 

[Fadeaway]

Once again, thank you all, I was not expecting these type of responses. I am a bit overwhelmed.