((((((Hugs to you all)))))
Thank you all for the kind words. The new me trusts that you wouldn't write them if you didn't want to and that you're not just being nice to me out of pity, like I used to think. I am smiling a huge smile right now.
It's great to come back here and read through where I was as it's a reminder of the growth I have made so far. But oh, SO cringeworthy at times. I almost never write or allow myself to think negatively about myself anymore. That simple change of stopping the abusive self-talk has really raised the floor on my down moments.
The space created in my psyche by removing that garbage really does allow me to have far greater tolerance of negative emotions without it spilling over into my overall feelings. Days are so much easier and filled with rewarding moments, now that I'm not distracting myself with berating self-destructive talk. I'm so glad I did trust my therapists to lead me to better emotional health. I didn't know it at the time, but the life they were steering me for has been so much more rewarding than the life I keep trying to create for myself.
I'm so glad I wasn't limited by my lack of imagination. If they had only given me that, I'd not be here. I can't speak highly enough about going to the dark places in therapy and working that stuff out. Leaving that on the therapy room floor is something I am eager to do when another past issue rears it's ugly head.
I hope there will come a day when I no longer need therapy, but I'm not worried about the timeline anymore. There's still a lot of issues needing to be addressed. My relationship with my body, with exercise, and with food is THE thing holding me back now from really enjoying life. We're going to start working on that.
I wonder who I'll feel like in another 5 years?
