Flooding Vs Emotional Expression

[DogwoodTree]

It's to actually diminish the power of the emotion a bit by being able to categorize it in a specific way. In order to identify where it is, a person usually has to interrupt their own train of (emotional) thought.

Can "diminishing its power a bit" help me stay present to the emotion, rather than dissociating from it? Fear and despair and anxiety, and sometimes anger, are pretty pervasive and tend to flood me. But other emotions tend to disappear like wisps in the wind if I start to experience them, pay attention to them, or whatever. Sometimes I can hold onto an ecstatic, child-like, naive peace and joy, but mostly what that looks like is the "everything is awesome!" sensation, and it isn't well modulated in the big picture of reality. It almost looks like a short-lived and relatively mild manic phase.

In the example you describe, the actual challenge would have been to say, out loud, 'my cheeks are hot'.

Okay, I'm going to practice this.

Maybe this will be helpful. It's an interesting study about where people feel emotions.

I've seen that image before, but hadn't made the connection on what it's showing. That's really interesting, thanks.

I. Accomplishing first off... Self awareness (emotional monitoring, which is half of the whole durn game in emotional monitoring & regulation) for us, general Information & tells for them.

Part of my emotional trauma history is not having privacy with my thoughts, and not being allowed to have my own opinions (unless I could present a very well articulated and logically/biblically supported argument that couldn't be refuted on any level...kinda hard for a kid to accomplish with well-educated parents/adults). It's really hard for me to be willing to let the Ts know what I really feel or think about something (rather than telling them what I think they want to hear). It's also hard to figure out at all what I feel, because I was always told what to feel, first by my parents and family situation, and then by my own inner critic.

So yeah, I guess I can see how this would be a huge part of the project.

II. What kind of answers are they looking for? Truth.

You know, I'm not often aware of purposely lying. I think I have a hard time understanding which layer of truth they're wanting, and being able to put that into words that would make sense for the questions they've asked, and not getting caught up in overly cognitive processing in order to do all of that. To feel, and to talk about what I'm feeling at the same time, is a really, really hard thing to do.

Absolutely no body sensations whatsoever, because the emotions are gone.

Do you ever have emotions that aren't linked to body sensations? Or do the emotions disappear completely when there are no body sensations?

I think I've trained my body over the years to not reveal emotions at all, when possible. Like, complete lock-down. If I'm feeling something, it often exists in a different dimension than where my body is, so that my body doesn't show much of any indication of what's going on inside. My mom and step-dad were both very astute observers and could pick up on the slightest indications of "rebellious" feelings (i.e., feeling anything they didn't want me to feel). To express an emotion now actually takes an act of will...to the point where it doesn't even feel genuine.

Therapists (good ones) looking for body sensations help both us & them in the monitoring and regulation thing.

And then this gets into talking about my body, which is extremely difficult. I feel invaded and objectified and even sexualized just to say something like, "My cheeks feel hot." My mind immediately starts thinking about all the ways to sexualize that statement, because that's exactly what my step-dad would have done. I learned not to talk about my body, so that it would less often be the focus of his jokes and teasing.

sometimes I do feel something but for some reason I feel a bit awkward/embarrassed about it and then I don't want to say/can't articulate it.

Yes, this. For me, it's not just "a bit"...it's pervasive. I have to deeply dissociate in order to have a conversation with my chiropractor or the ob/gyn. To stay in touch with feelings while also talking about how they affect my body...and to say that out loud...this is gonna take a lot of practice. :unsure:

 

[DogwoodTree]

Okay, another question. After asking, "Where in your body do you feel that?", T then asked, "What do you need to do about that?" It's a great question, but I honestly could not think of a single thing, especially anything that I would be able to do.

So...what kinds of actions help you explore and resolve the emotions you feel?

 

[barefoot]

Yes...well...when I said 'a bit'...I really meant 'incredibly'! ;-)

The whole 'where do you feel it in your body', 'where does it live in your body', 'what does it feel like?' 'what colour is it?'...all that stuff...I find really difficult, either because I don't feel it or because I don't want to say or don't know how to articulate it. But I have improved...with practice, you can become more consciously attuned to yourself.

In terms of your last question, I'm not sure I have any wise words. Last time I had this kind of conversation with my therapist, we established I was feeling high anxiety in that moment and I could feel this in my chest - it felt tight and my breathing was faster and shallow. When she then asked 'So what do you need?' I said 'To calm the f*ck down'. She was so taken aback by my response that she burst out laughing. And then so did I. So maybe what I needed was to somehow release the tension, which we did then do by laughing together, I don't know... :-)

 

[Tinyflame]

I like that @barefoot. :) I think that was really good, actually. :)

I think that it is a lot about recognizing emotions, modulating them & not going off on a tangent of fear (for myself), or other things. I experience a lot of panic in regards to feeling like a burden so I have to work on the 'mental component' (beliefs) to deal with that. Also to accept otherwise I have to work on the doubt, self-sabotaging etc. But if I complicated more than that I'd be totally lost.

Yes, this. For me, it's not just "a bit"...it's pervasive. I have to deeply dissociate in order to have a conversation with my chiropractor or the ob/gyn. To stay in touch with feelings while also talking about how they affect my body...and to say that out loud...this is gonna take a lot of practice. :unsure:

Don't put yourself down, I can't even go. Except the chiropractor if impossible without. Sometimes dissociation is handy! :)

Part of my emotional trauma history is not having privacy with my thoughts, and not being allowed to have my own opinions (unless I could present a very well articulated and logically/biblically supported argument that couldn't be refuted on any level...kinda hard for a kid to accomplish with well-educated parents/adults). It's really hard for me to be willing to let the Ts know what I really feel or think about something (rather than telling them what I think they want to hear). It's also hard to figure out at all what I feel, because I was always told what to feel, first by my parents and family situation, and then by my own inner critic.

Boundaries I think will help with this. You don't have to convince anyone. But I know it's hard to have a 'voice'. Usually mine doesn't spit out, though for different reasons than yours.

Respectfully, the only thing I see differently is we do have privacy with our thoughts. Sometimes that's all we have. But no one can affect that if we opt for otherwise (though it's difficult sometimes to not internalize negatives as per myself).

Your mom doesn't understand that it's you that's practicing forgiveness! I think emotional detachment in the dealings may help too.

Hugs as you work out what's best for you! :)

 

[DogwoodTree]

Respectfully, the only thing I see differently is we do have privacy with our thoughts. Sometimes that's all we have. But no one can affect that if we opt for otherwise

I agree that we should. But when I was a kid, and even still today 20 years later, when we get into intense conversations on family issues, there's an awful lot of digging going on. If you have a private thought that you don't share in the interest of solving the problem...you're selfish and closed. And if the thought isn't "good" and helpful, then you're flawed. So what ends up happening is that certain thoughts get pushed waaaay deep down inside to where I can't get to them in those situations--because I truly don't want to lie about what I'm thinking--and other thoughts get so molded and sanitized in order to be acceptable and not get the bullseye directed at myself.

My mom actually made a comment to a business associate a few months ago...in the context of a business venture...that it would be so much easier if she could read his thoughts and know the things he kinda-maybe-wanted to say but was holding back, so that she could then respond to them. She had absolutely no interest in protecting his own freedom of choice on what thoughts he shared and what he chose to keep to himself.

So...I recognize this is very unhealthy. I'm slowly learning that I can choose what I do or don't share with other people, and I don't have to change what I think in order to be okay, whether I voice that thought or not. Actually, as I find the opportunities to spend time with other people who don't function the way I was brought up, I'm shocked at how different the "rules of engagement" are. It's like I'm having to learn a whole new culture.

 

[Tinyflame]

But your thoughts can be private- don't share. Disengage. Leave if need be. Most of all mentally leave. Don't try to persuade or defend yourself or disagree. Agree if it stops the convo. Make an excuse but don't get sucked in. Think of something pleasant. They re responsible for their thoughts, you yours. Just work on yours (that's the only thing you can work on controlling). Tell your T this stuff, how it maakes you feel. Put on good music. Do something you like. Exercise. Get a job done. Etc.

You're a step ahead, you recognize the Inner Critic. (When you don't look for others' phrases/ beliefs/ words/ style etc. It's likely theirs'.)

:hug:

 

[joeylittle]

Can "diminishing its power a bit" help me stay present to the emotion, rather than dissociating from it? Fear and despair and anxiety, and sometimes anger, are pretty pervasive and tend to flood me.

Yes, exactly - and it really is pretty effective. The word 'notice' is used in therapy a lot, especially for this effect - 'notice' what you are feeling, 'observe' what your body is doing, 'articulate' your thought. If your challenge is that you get overwhelmed too fast, doing some noticing will help - and coupling that with taking a deep breath in will help as well. These things really do become more automatic the more you do them. I seem to have learned certain responses now that help me remain present and not get hypervigilant - doors closing is a bad sound for me. Now, when I hear a door close, I will generally still jump - but then I immediately take a deep slow breath in and out. I would swear I'm not actually thinking about doing it anymore, it's just what happens. And it has nearly negated that trigger.

And then this gets into talking about my body, which is extremely difficult. I feel invaded and objectified and even sexualized just to say something like, "My cheeks feel hot." My mind immediately starts thinking about all the ways to sexualize that statement, because that's exactly what my step-dad would have done. I learned not to talk about my body, so that it would less often be the focus of his jokes and teasing.

Your therapist would find this very, very useful to know. You should tell them. Not only is it super-insightful, as far as your knowing your own mind goes, it's going to help them understand your particular struggle with talking about your body. Seriously, share this with them.

T then asked, "What do you need to do about that?" It's a great question, but I honestly could not think of a single thing, especially anything that I would be able to do.

This one - I have no clue, actually. :) In that situation, I would ask my T, "what are some options?"

You remind me of me in that I really like to understand what a thing is for - I have a big 'I want to do it right' complex, and what helps me is being able ot understand what we are doing in therapy - otherwise I will be trying to understand what we are doing while I'm trying to do it, which leads me into a sense of 'right way' and 'wrong way', which then just becomes unhelpful. I believe therapists should answer these kinds of questions, and they generally do, unless they are doing formal freudian psychoanalysis, then they won't. But mostly, they do, and should.

 

[Friday]

Do you ever have emotions that aren't linked to body sensations? Or do the emotions disappear completely when there are no body sensations?

It's always been a joint venture. For me, if I don't have emotions, then I don't have body sensations. The inverse of that? IDK.

I think I've trained my body over the years to not reveal emotions at all, when possible. Like, complete lock-down. If I'm feeling something, it often exists in a different dimension than where my body is, so that my body doesn't show much of any indication of what's going on inside. My mom and step-dad were both very astute observers and could pick up on the slightest indications of "rebellious" feelings (i.e., feeling anything they didn't want me to feel). To express an emotion now actually takes an act of will...to the point where it doesn't even feel genuine.

That's a different thing, for me, feeling emotions versus choosing to show what I'm feeling. LOL... I'm the opposite. Lying takes a great deal of effort for me. When I care to expend the energy to, I'm an exceptionally good liar. Can lie with my voice, face, body language, all of it. That's all acting is... Teaching your body to respond -or not- "as if". To step into a role. It's not something I'm willing to do, most of the time. For one thing, if I'm going to be lying? I need a touchstone. Someone I can completely shuck the role for & simply be myself around. Trust issues means that's a rare enough thing, anyway. And when I'm all PTSD'd up, I plain and simple don't have the energy required. It's too exhausting. Even filters (minding my speech & behaviors) are effing exhausting, and that's just choosing to show how much of the truth I care to, much less full on lying.