Fng

[Jr.]

I am a OIF Vet. Route Clearance. South and South West Afghanistan with TF THOR. I lost my Father three months after I came home to cancer and took care of him for the last month of his life. It has been really hard. Finally I am starting to admit to myself I can't keep all this inside anymore and manage it. I have experienced a lot of the feelings, emotions that I gather a lot of others on here have and have kept them inside for far too long as it is spilling over into relationships with family and friends. I have alienated many I love and who have loved me. Just want to find peace and happiness I used to know. I was diagnosed with PTSD and am having a hard time with it. I saw a P Doc a few times after I got home but got sick of reliving all the events that bring me to tears and the guilt I feel that I made it home and others didn't, so I stopped going. Thought I would handle it on my own. Man was I so wrong.I am pretty much a loner to some extent. Sometimes I go Deer hunting just to sit in the woods to be alone. It has been my sanctuary of sorts. Been dealing with the VA for long enough that sometimes the VA is the worst upheaval of anger I feel when I have to deal with all the buraucracy trying to get care. Well now there it is. I feel better all ready...yeah and I used to have a sense of humor too..lol

 

[Tim Cake]

Welcome to our padded room!

Avoidance is a symptom typical of CPTSD. Talk to your shrink about it. DON'T stop visiting your shrink. Take it from me, the shrink sessions are necessary to your healing.

Please visit this website:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/apps/AboutFace/

 

[Jr.]

Thanks Tim. Just talking to others that understand first hand helps. I have been really thinking about getting to one of the Vet group therapy things but I have to work and can't afford to miss work. I finally said to myself there has to be a group on the web. So glad I found you guys.

 

[tho9900]

Jr.... keep up with the Psych, YOU try to govern your care to a certain extent.. tell them if you are going too fast... but also listen if they say here is the reason we are going this fast (and yes ask for the reason, not "well we are over booked on appts etc)... you got a lotta friends here you havent even met man.. believe me.. heck Sarg and Jarhed served in the Civil War!!! (lol kidding) its ok to laugh here, its damn ok to cry... cuss... whatever you need.. none of us have been where YOU have been but between all of us we can def say we as a group felt it all...

Imma be straight, man this stuff has almost claimed me a coupla times.. since I been on this board I been medevac'd back to reality a few times tho (lol and *I* am sposed to be a doc!)

Be honest as you can afford to be, no one will judge for sure.. theres still crap I havent even let loose on here...

And if it gets too bad, call 1-800-273-8255 and press 1 when the message starts playing... I gaurantee that day or the latest next morning you will be seeing a shrink... and believe me, for awhile I was on a first name basis with some of those people... for real lol... oh thats the Veterans Crisis Hotline btw....

We gotta look after each other... cuz no one else will....

 

[Jr.]

Thanks for the advice. Just being able to take the lid off is huge. Civil war...lmbo. I guess that makes me about WWI then..lol.Well, I went in at 17 yrs old and spent more than half of my life in the service, Marines and Army. Was medically discharged in 2003 from the Corps and 4 1/2 years later was able to get in the Guard. Took forever to get med waiver approved. Never will forget the interview with the CMO in 2007. She asked me why I wanted back in the service, I simply replied I just want to be back where I belong doing my part as an American. I don't know what it was because all the recruiters called her the hammer and she DQd many of applicants. I guess she may have saw that if I rehabed and made it this far she saw heart and realized I wasn't gonna take no for an answer. Here I am today on the cusp of the big 4-0 and still kickin. Never thought I would make it this far.

 

[Hiwayman]

HMmmmm haven't heard the term FNG in over 40 years now lolol

 

[Ned]

Welcome Jr. Good and honest intro mate. You are over the hardest part, recognising the bastard.
If you're WW1 I'm Boer War.....

 

[Anglesachse]

Welcome to the fold Jr.

Sorry to hear about your Father. Lost mine to cancer aswell 12 year ago. Stubborn old school 22yr, Squaddie wouldn`t accept help from any body and kept it quite untill it was to late to do anything about.

He gave me the green blood that made me Military the old bastard.

Grad a chair and rest a while. Sound advive and help to be had here, from sound folks.

 

[Zipperhead]

Morning

 

[JarHed]

Hey Jr

Sorry to hear about your Dad. At least you both got to see each other before he pasted. I'm sure that was a blessing for you both, had as it is.

I'll be honest and say that the peace and happiness that you once knew is gone. But not for good. You have to re-learn what those words mean to you now. Once we 'return' our path has been changed forever. It may sound like a bad thing but I don't think it has to be. To be able to find peace and happiness in this new world that we return to just takes some time and effort to find. It's out there. Hope you find what it is that will fulfill those things for you.

Jar

 

[Tim Cake]

It is a long and winding road (to quote some famous English musicians). Just keep plodding L, R, L, R, L, R, ....