BlueWeepingRose
Silver Member
I've did a lot for myself over the past week and I stopped using Facebook so much. A lot of people keep telling me to move on and I left my abuser 5 weeks ago. I didn't engage with any of them and logged off of Facebook. I just want to do something for myself for once and try to focus on my health.
I love my friends and they all know of this. Don't expect them to take my hand and do all the work for me, I just want them to be there for me and continue to be my friend even if I suffer from PTSD. Every so often I catch myself thinking very sad thoughts and thinking that nobody cares about me, but I know it's just my depression talking because of the abuse I went through for six years.
When I think sad things, I try to switch over and do something positive for myself: watch a happy movie, color in these meditation coloring books I have or listen to meditation music. My abuser told me so much lies as I was with him and I never wanted to believe that the abuse was happening because we had some really nice days together. So I think I was in denial for so long and I would stand up for him when my family told me he wasn't right for me.
I'd talk how he mistreated me and than I'd stand up for him, walk out the door and be silent whenever he ranted why it took me so long to come outside. The longer I stayed with him, the worst it got. I'm really glad that I truly see for what he is now. Now I can finally focus on myself for once.
I feel so drained, so mentally drained and I think it's from the affects of the abuse. Think it would be a good idea if I stay away from caffeine cause it seems I'm pretty sensitive to it as of right now. Before I wasn't so sensitive to it but ever since my PTSD symptoms started, I'm very very sensitive to it. Wonder if this is normal or not. Just wanted to write out this thread to get some thoughts off of my mind.
I apologized to my mother for my angry outbursts and that I do love her. Just as I was with him, I felt as if I was losing my mind and I told her how sorry I am for hiding it from her for so long and she's glad I finally admitted that my ex boyfriend is indeed abusive.
On the way to the mall one day, she asked me, "Don't you think you're beautiful?"
I actually stammered and said, "I guess so." My mother was so sad once she heard this. :(
Hopefully in time I'll heal from all of this. Thanks for listening.
I love my friends and they all know of this. Don't expect them to take my hand and do all the work for me, I just want them to be there for me and continue to be my friend even if I suffer from PTSD. Every so often I catch myself thinking very sad thoughts and thinking that nobody cares about me, but I know it's just my depression talking because of the abuse I went through for six years.
When I think sad things, I try to switch over and do something positive for myself: watch a happy movie, color in these meditation coloring books I have or listen to meditation music. My abuser told me so much lies as I was with him and I never wanted to believe that the abuse was happening because we had some really nice days together. So I think I was in denial for so long and I would stand up for him when my family told me he wasn't right for me.
I'd talk how he mistreated me and than I'd stand up for him, walk out the door and be silent whenever he ranted why it took me so long to come outside. The longer I stayed with him, the worst it got. I'm really glad that I truly see for what he is now. Now I can finally focus on myself for once.
I feel so drained, so mentally drained and I think it's from the affects of the abuse. Think it would be a good idea if I stay away from caffeine cause it seems I'm pretty sensitive to it as of right now. Before I wasn't so sensitive to it but ever since my PTSD symptoms started, I'm very very sensitive to it. Wonder if this is normal or not. Just wanted to write out this thread to get some thoughts off of my mind.
I apologized to my mother for my angry outbursts and that I do love her. Just as I was with him, I felt as if I was losing my mind and I told her how sorry I am for hiding it from her for so long and she's glad I finally admitted that my ex boyfriend is indeed abusive.
On the way to the mall one day, she asked me, "Don't you think you're beautiful?"
I actually stammered and said, "I guess so." My mother was so sad once she heard this. :(
Hopefully in time I'll heal from all of this. Thanks for listening.
