Food Is A Drug Too

[Grama-Herc]

She

I thought I was the only one who had given up everything. When my doctor told me to quit smoking years ago I said to him "Now look, I've given up men. booze, chocolate and sex and now you want me to quit smoking?" NOT So I know what you mean

 

[anthony]

This is a very good thread.... one which I hope many learn that food is just as bad as other habits in order to control anxiety or depression. I hope to see some people who suffer this issue post about their success in defeating the food and weight issue, to show others it can be done. When I was depressed quite significantly I put on 10kg, though lots 7kg of that now... and without control it can easily be done for someone to eat themselves to death. Exercise and nutrition are a MUST with PTSD.

 

[upstream]

This is an issue my family really struggles with. I've always been OK until recently; the toothpick garbage disposal of an eater surrounded by overweight family members.

Ever since my last trauma I've been having trouble with this. Suddenly I'm the heaviest I've ever been, putting on 20+ pounds, and can't fit into the pants I've worn for years. I've been upping the exercise to try and compensate.

I don't get it, my eating habbits were carefully rationed good food for so many years. Now I just carb out all the time, usually when I'm bored. I'm getting desperate, I just might start planning/regulating my meals and exercise on an hour by hour basis.

One of my family members has had a lot of success with OA (overeaters anonymous). Might be worth checking into if anyone has a serious interest in kicking the habit.

 

[jasmin]

Since recovering from Anorexia Nervosa I turned to binge eating.. Mother Bitch! Well I feel as though I have been through every eating disorder known to man in the last 2 years but binging has been the most prevalent. NOTE: Recovery DOES NOT work if it is self induced! Sadly I never had an issue with food or weight prior to 2008.. my what one attempt to lose a few kilos can do!
When weight and food rule your life you lose your identity and your very being.. it is horrible. Fasting was (and sigh.. sometimes still is) the only refuge I get from the impending doom of penetrating thoughts that take up every minute of every hour. It gets better with counseling and work on the self and the issues and what not but it is so goddamn hard I would trade it for a heroin addiction in the blink of an eye.

 

[Kintsugi]

I eat to comfort myself and to provide a thick layer of fat that no human being could find desirable. Psychologically speaking it is a way to protect myself from a cruel and dangerous world.

There is a short story by Raymond Carver titled "Fat" that touches on this topic. It is sort of a hard story to untangle. A waitress cannot stop feeding a man who is "tremendously fat" and then goes home to an abusive husband, who she has sex with and then imagines that she is tremendously fat and that her husband is just a very little thing on top of her.

I was addicted to water and still am on and off. I got really into hydration when my symptoms were at their worst several years ago, and I went from drinking the healthy and perfect 64oz. a day to 70 oz. a day to 100oz a day (I am bad at conversion and just know that I was drinking from 20oz glasses) until I was drinking upwards of 150-170oz. a day. I replaced food with water because I previously had struggled with comforting with food. I felt sick for weeks and didn't know why. When I saw my doctor for a physical, I told him that I was feeling really sick. My mother suggested that my electrolytes were off from all of the water. He asked me how much water I was drinking and when I told him, he was shocked and told me that I should have died of water poisoning long ago. I couldn't have sodium for months afterwards while I was trying to recuperate from my addiction, because I would want water so badly.

 

[KP the nut]

I so want to share my experience but feel too ashamed. Is it OK if I lurk for now? I know it is avoidance and yes, I am a wimp. :notworthy:

 

[Kintsugi]

KP, you are not a wimp. And eating disorders/addictions are very common. My mother is finishing her degree from grad school focusing on holistic nutrition and children because she has a sugar addiction and knows that these problems arise out of personal, interpersonal, and societal problems as well as other sources that are external from inherent human behavior. You are not a bad person and have nothing to be ashamed of, though I understand.

Lurk away my brave friend.

 

[jasmin]

I so want to share my experience but feel too ashamed. Is it OK if I lurk for now? I know it is avoidance and yes, I am a wimp. :notworthy:

Take all the time you need. It doesn't make you a wimp at all. Eating malfunctions can be the hardest thing to accept.. And acceptance is the first and hardest step to take.

Though I have been in recovery for 3 years now I know that it is going to take a long time til I am able to function normally again, but I know it will happen even if the thoughts still linger. It is a process of restructuring thought processes.

Even though things don't seem perfect to any degree now I KNOW I have covered MASSIVE terrain in the past few years by acknowledging and letting go:
Of obsessions with food groups and restrictions
Of Researching nutrition all the time and spending every waking minute thinking of food
Of Analyzing EVERTHING that goes into my body
Of the warped vision of myself that I saw in the mirror
Of over-exercise
And even though I still struggle with it.. of the isolation has become far less prevalent and debilitating

What I know now is that I cannot do this alone.. Sure I am able to mention my problems here (though for a split second I realized this was all published and I panicked a little but it's okay).

No one I know knows about this struggle I am going through.. (they knew about the Anorexia as that was obvious) but the binge eating is my shameful secret and I cannot share it with anyone because they cannot understand. If it was as simple as eat more or eat less or eat healthy then the world would be a far less complicated place.. But sadly many people subscribe to this way of thinking. Recently I started a group full of others who share the same struggle and IT IS SUCH A RELIEF having that face to face contact is amazing, feeling like you're not alone is priceless, feeling accepted is wonderful! I feel like I can REALLY recover now.. still as hard as hell though.

Anyway blerg long post sorry..

 

[Nighthawk]

Kp. I will be a wimp with you.

 

[jasmin]

^maaaw it's okay.

Also I want to retract my previous comment about trading places with a heroin addict in the blink of an eye.. I had to work with a heroin trafficker/heavy addict today.. All addictions are self-negating and destructive. One is no better than the other.. though here is still a part of me that would prefer drugs.. Sigh. Still..

 

[kimba]

My problem was I gained thirty pounds in a year and DID NOT NOTICE. I don't weigh myself due to past ED issues and I wear all the great stretch jeans they have now. Obviously, I didn't want to notice. I went for my annual physical and when the doctor told me, I nearly passed out. Then they took my blood pressure which was high and were surprised when I told them it was because they just told me I gained thirty pounds which I didn't know!

Now I am headed in the opposite direction but not doing healthy things- hence the ED rearing its head again so...onwards and upwards (not weight wise though)!

 

[Sethe]

All I have to say is, Yes, food can be an addiction. :(