Hi all,
I guess I'm here for support from people who get it. I'm in my 40's, married, kids. Never quite been able to keep a job, yet perpetual student. In grad school now. I'm pathetic and graduate in May and have no doubt I will fail at my new career.
I have been in therapy for a year with this T, my favorite so far. I have a weird mix of paternal and erotic transference for him which scares me. I know I have a history of seeking sexual attention from men so I made super sure his boundaries were good before I delved too deep. I also like that his office is home and his wife is there, so it's extra safe. He says I have an avoidant attachment style and he's right. He's put up with tons of push-pull from me, and good lord this man is a saint. I've been less than kind sometimes and he is ever gentle. He also says I have complex ptsd which someone told me is the same as borderline... True or not?
My childhood was spotted with sexual and physical abuse from babysitters, paper route boss, step-brother and boyfriend in my teens. My father left when I was 2 1/2 and took my brothers with him to move across the country, leaving me and my mom in total poverty. I have major abandonment issues, and serious problems with intimacy. I have a daughter who has Aspergers and I sometimes think I am spectrum-y too. I have used food and sex for comfort my whole life. I was super promiscuous with much older men during my teens. I have now been married 20 years and working on repairing my marriage after it nearly crumbled a few years ago. Another story for another day. Anyway, hoping I'm not too broken to be patched up. My self-esteem is in the toilet and I don't know how to let people close to me. My therapist is religious and he has never pushed it on me, I wonder if having a relationship with God would help. I've never been able to feel God in my life at all. Thanks for listening.
I guess I'm here for support from people who get it. I'm in my 40's, married, kids. Never quite been able to keep a job, yet perpetual student. In grad school now. I'm pathetic and graduate in May and have no doubt I will fail at my new career.
I have been in therapy for a year with this T, my favorite so far. I have a weird mix of paternal and erotic transference for him which scares me. I know I have a history of seeking sexual attention from men so I made super sure his boundaries were good before I delved too deep. I also like that his office is home and his wife is there, so it's extra safe. He says I have an avoidant attachment style and he's right. He's put up with tons of push-pull from me, and good lord this man is a saint. I've been less than kind sometimes and he is ever gentle. He also says I have complex ptsd which someone told me is the same as borderline... True or not?
My childhood was spotted with sexual and physical abuse from babysitters, paper route boss, step-brother and boyfriend in my teens. My father left when I was 2 1/2 and took my brothers with him to move across the country, leaving me and my mom in total poverty. I have major abandonment issues, and serious problems with intimacy. I have a daughter who has Aspergers and I sometimes think I am spectrum-y too. I have used food and sex for comfort my whole life. I was super promiscuous with much older men during my teens. I have now been married 20 years and working on repairing my marriage after it nearly crumbled a few years ago. Another story for another day. Anyway, hoping I'm not too broken to be patched up. My self-esteem is in the toilet and I don't know how to let people close to me. My therapist is religious and he has never pushed it on me, I wonder if having a relationship with God would help. I've never been able to feel God in my life at all. Thanks for listening.
