For Women- What Does Being A Women Mean To You?

[ashdawn8287]

Today I started my support group. I can't discuss other members or there experiences or what they said, so I will base it off the workbook. I can talk about my personal experiences and that is about it.

Today we had a discussion on what does it mean to be a women?

I was asked what I thought when the word women/woman came to mind.

My first thought was strength. Then I started thinking about how I don't think women are taking seriously emotionally or physically. I started thinking about how the media portrays women as sex objects, how the government in my country does not regulate the media, so a lot of things are pretty open through various forms of media. Little girls look up to women who are pretty. They are not taught to look up to women who are smart, strong, brave, inspiring, or any of that. I thought about how in my experiences women can handle a lot more than men (seriously, no offense), periods, giving birth, emotions, hormones, being victims of sexual abuse and assault because the media makes it out that we are suppose to be sexy we are suppose to be pretty we are suppose to be sex objects. If you are a women and you have a dream it is not praised upon as much as men's dreams.

I thought about how in the United States we are only making .80 to every dollar a man makes. How we have came a long way, but we still have work to do. How we are told upon employment that we are not allowed to talk about what me make to other employees, not because it is rude, but because men are getting paid more. All of these things just flooded my mind. I got angry.

Theirs a music video by a rapper named Robert Thicke it is called blurred lines or blurry lines, something along those lines. In the video girls are dancing around naked and the men are in suits. The song is about how their is a blurry line on consent with sex. Trust me, it upset me a lot. Their is also a parody on this music video created by 3 women law students basically remaking the video into how that video is not right.

Their have been numerous times in my life where random men would just grab my ass, say rude and disrespectful things to me, hoot and holler at me, making me feel uncomfortable and wanting to hide and isolate more. I thought about all of this. I thought about how I am a quiet dreamer because anytime I bring up my dreams a lot of people tell me I am not living in reality and I think that is sad.

I thought about how things are not equal in aspects to gender.

I guess I would like to know what you women think about what does it mean to be a woman?

 

[TLight]

Being almost 50 now, I realize that in my family of origin, being a woman meant you were really no more than a slave for everyone and a sex object to be in use upon demand. Both of these 'roles' were enforced upon me with torture and sadistic cruel fear and domination.
I now can see how my whole life that became so ingrained in me. Being attractive became a huge curse. Getting hit on while trying to hold a job was hugely triggering and there was no way to get away. Being sexually harassed by bosses and disrespected constantly took a huge toll. The stress was too much for my body. I now have an autoimmune disease.

I was just sitting on my porch and a man walked by at the neighbors, with only a thin line of trees between me and him and a few feet of grass. I immediately realized the fear that rose in my body.

Having had ptsd since a major nervous breakdown at 29, I have spent most of my life in huge anxiety, terror, and rage. I still get hit on, dirty old men seem to have radars for me. Now, the minute I sense it, I fight back. I set boundaries firmly and demand respect. I'm no longer a terrorized submissive servant. The problem is is that I've learned to hate. I don't like men, I don't like what they've done to me, I don't like that they've stolen my life.

Being a woman to me means constantly having to be 'on guard' against all the high testosterone perverts and dogs.......and it seems there are so many, ready to put you in your place the minute they get the chance.
Being a woman means not being free, struggling for respect, and hiding.
I wish it were different.

 

[TLight]

Hang onto your dreams, don't let them suck all your energy having to protect yourself. I never had a chance to dream. Homelessness, symptoms, illness, and insomnia were the only life I had. You are young......all you have are dreams, seems all I have now is hardwork to deal with these symptoms and to stay as safe as possible. Trust seems to be out of the question, as well as love. But I'd rather not hate.

 

[ashdawn8287]

I completely agree.

Seems like the only men I have been able to trust is my grandfather and fiancees.

I wish the "nice" men would stick up for us with those dogs of men.

I realize I had developed a hate for men after various abuses, being pretty is a curse and not a fun experience, it does build hate. It weakens the tie between genders and that saddens me.

I am sorry you were raised like that. Thank you for sharing. I completely understand where you are coming from.

One of my sociology make professor told me one time, "Women are powerful and being a doctor in sociology, I believe there will be a day when women take the led."

In the united states and in my community I have noticed more women attend college than men, more women support themselves, there children, and work. More women are relying less and less on men.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Thank you. I have severe trust issues, I am working on it though. I am so very sorry about everything you went through.

I admire you for your strength and ability to encourage young people like myself. Thank you.

 

[Padfoot]

I'm in Australia, and my 10 year old daughter hasn't seen too much about politics, but when Rudd took over as PM from Gillard recently she said it was funny seeing a man as the Prime Minister. She hadn't noticed anything about politics until recently when Julia Gillard was our Prime Minister. To me, it's about showing young girls that they can be who they like. She has her heart set on being a palaeontologist so I have given her a couple of print outs of famous female palaeontologists with bones and stories so she can see this is what they do and it's normal to her that they are women. I also lead by example, so if anything happens with the car, I try to look at it and fix it first so she can see we don't need to rely on a man to do things for us.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Next month I will be participating in a rally thing on campus. We will be protesting on campus about how men will not rape us, blah blah blah. I am looking forward to getting my anger out with that. When I do that I will be thinking of you and if all of us that have been the victims of gender inequality.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Padfoot you are an amazing mother. Good for you!!!! That makes me SO happy.

 

[piratelady]

I seem to disagree on many points:

They are not taught to look up to women who are smart, strong, brave, inspiring, or any of that

I was not taught this, either by my family or in school. I was taught to look up to anyone -man or woman, who did something that I found inspiring.

I thought about how in my experiences women can handle a lot more than men (seriously, no offense), periods, giving birth, emotions, hormones, being victims of sexual abuse and assault because the media makes it out that we are suppose to be sexy we are suppose to be pretty we are suppose to be sex objects.

Men have to deal with a lot as well. There are men who are also victims of sexual assault. The portrayal of women as sexy is not the cause of sexual abuse. The cause is people who either lack respect and understanding for someone in their life or there is something else wrong with them. Watching a Victoria Secret ad is not going to cause someone to abuse another. They're lack of morals is the cause.

How we are told upon employment that we are not allowed to talk about what me make to other employees, not because it is rude, but because men are getting paid more.

This is not true. One should not talk about their wage because one person may make less than another. When I was younger, I spoke out when I got a raise. A fellow co-worker did not (she was also a woman) and this created conflict in the workplace. Not everyone receives raises or is hired in at the same wage. This is the reason you should not speak about it - not because a man may have been hired in at a hire wage. Also, there are plenty of employers out there that calculate wage based on merit and not on gender.

Basically, I believe life and our perceptions are based on how we were raised, our experiences, and how we choose to live our lives. I was raised to be a strong woman, and that men and women are equally capable. I have been abused and hurt by a few men in my life. I don't blame "men", I blame those specific men. What they chose to do to me is not indicative of all men. One (or many) bad apples doesn't spoil the whole bunch. Because some people treat women as lesser doesn't mean that we are or that all men think and act in the same way.

 

[ashdawn8287]

I respect your opinion and your life experiences and obviously they were different from mine and that is comforting to know.

This was based on my life experiences not everyone's.

 

[ashdawn8287]

I don't think all men are evil or bad. I am working on changing my beliefs. I understand men suffer too and I should have clarified a bit more.

 

[Padfoot]

In Australia there is a huge pay gap between men and women. In fact, our daughters will retire with 64% of the super that our sons will have. That's a disgraceful difference.