Childhood Foster Care Experiences

[Mafia_Science]

Hi all. When I was 13 years old (3 years ago), my parents were looking into putting me into the foster system. I was not a behavioral problem, and I'm the oldest of 3 siblings. My parents are not bad people. They found a foster home in the nearby city and were thinking of sending me there if they liked the person. They loved the person and sent me off to their house about 3 months later in the winter. I only stayed for 2 days and one night, my parents took me back because I was crying and begging on the phone for them to take me back.

Even after, my parents looked for other homes to put me in. Fortunately, there weren't any suitable ones nearby, and my parents ended up letting me stay. It made me deeply upset that I was the only of my siblings to have to leave, even though I was a good boy that performed well in school and track.

Who else was in foster/adoptive care? What were your experiences with the system like and what are your opinions on how the system works?

Thanks

 

[Air]

I unfortunately don't have anything to contribute, but if it's not too much to ask, why did they want to put you in the foster system? I mean if they were good people and you were a decent kid I'm curious as to what led to that.

 

[Mafia_Science]

@Air

I still can't make reason out of it. Maybe because I was the only boy? Because they didn't want to be near me because they had beat me up before? I don't know.

I remember on the phone, crying, asking why they didn't love me like they loved my sisters. They said "it's different, our love for you and our love for your sisters." I don't know what they meant by that

 

[Air]

Huh, that is very weird. It does sound like an irresponsible move on their part, hell I'm surprised they were even able to just put you into foster care for a couple of days without giving up custody.

 

[Mit]

It is appalling that they did that to you. I am so sorry. You should have been loved and cherished by your parents. Their behaviour and explanations make no sense and are unjustifiable.

I was given up at birth and adopted when I was five. I spent a lot of the first five years in hospital. I only have vague memories and flashes of my time in care, for instance being taken and left at the hospital by people I didn't know. I suspect my lack of clear recollections is trauma related. Being given up for those early years has had a profound affect on my development. I'm still trying to make sense of it.

Best wishes.

 

[illusionist]

I won't pass judgement on why your parents have done this...there are a thousand and one possible reasons, and their reasons will be unique to them. My heart does go out to you, and can imagine the turmoil you are going through/went through.

I know someone who is in foster care. They have been with foster carers for many years, who are very good people, and are thriving in a positive, steady environment. They see their mother when they want, stay over, and has a good relationship with their brother ( who lives with mum )..... mum still makes decisions and attends parent nights at school etc.

From what you write, it sounds like your parents love you and do not sound like they wished to abandon you, otherwise they would not be taking the time to find the ' right ' foster carers....and they would not have taken you back, if they didn't.

Sometimes people fail to be good parents and realise this.