General Found The Man Who Molested My Daughter.

[Jim]

My daughter was molested by a priest as a little girl. Didn't cause her PTSD. However. She's had problems associated with it. Wife and I have been searching for the man for a time. Got the runaround from the Church on his location. Infuriating but to be expected. However. Finally we found the bastard. He is still a practicing priest, still working around kids.

As part of our search for him, contacted other parents of kids under his care. Many we spoke to (parents and the kids) want to press charges. Especially so one couple whose son has committed suicide since the molestation. So. We have banded together to hire a solicitor and have him served.

My daughter is very upset over it. She agreed to write a sworn statement to the court of what went on. Other than that she wants no part of it. Her decision of course. However. We as parents still wish to be involved in the case. So. Question. Are we crossing a boundary of our daughters by being involved? All opinions welcome. She is 24 years old.

Jim.

 

[upstream]

Are we crossing a boundary of our daughters by being involved?

Jim, I think Evie is the only one who can answer that.

You have every right to be angry and want to press charges. You'd probably save some children from future molestation in the process.

 

[Roo]

Jim, I don't think you're crossing any inappropriate boundaries. The only one who did was that priest.

Just clarify with your daughter what you all want, need, and are willing to do. Let her guide you -- she is the one who was assaulted. If she says No more, then I hope you will honour her wish. She might change her mind; she might not.

You've got other parents who can be supports and friends through whatever actions you choose to take.

Bless you and your wife for being protective, loving, assertive parents!

Roo :Hug_emoticon:

 

[Jim]

Jim, I think Evie is the only one who can answer that.

Yep absolutely though she won't speak to us about it at the moment. Which is why we would like input from others.

Should have added - because of my position- I have certain contacts. Which may be helpful to the case. So. I am valuable to the case in that sense. ;-) And yes, would love to see him pay for what he did and save other families and kids the grief. Thank you for the input, much appreciated.

Jim.

 

[Jim]

Bless you and your wife for being protective, loving, assertive parents!

Much appreciated Roo. We will keep your advice in mind definitely. For when she is ready to chat with us.

Jim.

 

[upstream]

Well, my father was always trying to talk me out of exposing my boss and reporting him, and later from filing a law suit. I wish he had done the opposite, that he had fought for me and my rights. It often felt like he was fighting for the wrong side.

I wish he had done what you are doing. I know my situation is different, and I'm not Evie, but it's what I wanted. I hope that helps, keep us updated.

 

[Jim]

Good to know your personal experience Upstream. Thank you for sharing, much appreciated.

Jim.

 

[Roo]

Another thought, Jim -- your daughter and your wife might also want to make use of this forum. It is packed with experience, wisdom, and good practical ideas.

Glad you have some contacts...people who can perhaps "keep you in the loop" if your daughter wants no involvement. You and each member of your family are likely to have very different desires about what to do now that the man who assaulted your daughter has been found.

Keep talking with each other...keep checking in. One day at a time.

 

[Jim]

Another thought, Jim -- your daughter and your wife might also want to make use of this forum. It is packed with experience, wisdom, and good practical ideas.

Thank you Roo, though my wife and daughter are already members here - batgirl (daughter) and wife Kathy. Kathy was the Carers editor in this section until she had a heart attack. Recovering well at the moment though still not ready to return as editor. My daughter was active on the forum for over a year however has "outgrown" it so to speak and moved on to other things.

Glad you have some contacts...people who can perhaps "keep you in the loop" if your daughter wants no involvement.

Yep thank you good idea. I will cease involvement if that is Evie's wish, definitely. Much appreciated once more for your thoughts.

Jim.

 

[becvan]

Jim:

I can only speak as to my feelings and experiences being a rape victim. For me, this would be crossing a line. It would be one thing if this was initiated as a child, but as an adult it's just more victimization. Having family decide to prosecute this, which would be dependent on my testimony, would be stripping me of my privacy and my rights. The only person that has the right to push rape charges forward is me, whether I was a child at the time or not. It would affect me and greatly.

However the fact that he is working with more children is very troubling. I think you are in a rock and a hard place here. If you don't go forward, you know that the chances of more children being hurt is very high. If you do go forward, you could be stirring a hornet's nest you may regret. I feel for ya here.

I would like to point out something. If she has made a sworn statement to the police she can be compelled to testify. What I mean by compelled is held in contempt of court if she doesn't. Unfortunately, this is happening and quite often. (personal experience with this one)... Whomever is prosecuting, I would have a long chat with them and see where they stand on this. If they will compel her to testify, it could be quite the mess. If not, then consider yourselves lucky.

Wish the best for you in this.

bec

 

[Jim]

Much appreciated Bec. Good points for us to consider. Interesting you find it crossing a line. We do obviously need to discuss it more with Evie once she is ready.

Yep we have considered the legal ramifications of her submitting a statement. She is aware of the possibility of testifying. However. There is some doubt as to whether she could be served or no, as she is no longer a resident of Canada. Uncertain the Canadian government can force her to travel back to Canada to testify whilst she is living overseas. So that matter needs clarification.

And yep very troubling that he is still allowed to work with kids. We want justice for our daughter and the others, as well as no more suffering. Difficult to just walk away from this, regardless Evie's feelings. In any event much appreciated for the input.

Jim.

 

[Nicolette]

Perhaps my experience can help Jim as I have been in both situations - one where there was prosecution and one where there was not.

In one situation where I was assaulted I was encouraged by both therapist and the police to press charges. As the police reported the incident they decided, whether I liked it or not, to press charges. Basically, it was on my behalf even though I was petrified of the process and what it would involve. They said they had a duty to the community now that they were aware of the situation. So, I was in a similar situation as Evie however it was the police instead of parents who prosecuted.

It was a horrible ordeal but the thought that held me together through the ordeal was that prosecution could possibly save someone else being in the same situation and possibly a life.

In the other situation, I was sexually assaulted by a superior at work. It was strongly recommended to me at that time that I did not take it outside the organisation as I didn't want to publically embarrass a silly old man who would have lost his superannuation entitlements as they would be forced to fire him. Funnily enough this was even after he admitted to committing the offence.

While the organisation I worked for tried to deal with it in house and there was no prosecution, this situation caused me more long term pain. It was easier not to prosecute short term as I didn't want to go through the humiliation over and over. Afterwards, it ate me up for years and years when I came to the realisation he walked away with a slap on his wrist and I lost my job as I was seen to be the problem as I caused disruption despite him being the one who had offended. I also had to live with what he had did to me feeling there was no justice where at least in the other situation there eventually was some. Nothing can take away the pain and suffering but some peace can be found in knowing you did something about it.

As Evie is a friend I would not want her to suffer any pain and can appreciate her position. After living both sides, my opinion would be for you to go ahead and prosecute Jim. Reality is Evie has suffered and it is not fair for her to suffer any more however by doing something about it you can protect future innocent children from the same terrifying experience. That is something for Evie to be proud about - that she could do something to stop him.

My thoughts only............