Founded Or Unfounded Fear?

[Funeguz]

I am posting this anonymously because I fear my baby's father may be stalking me on here somehow, but some of you may recognize my story and realize who this is.

Anyway, my 9 month old's father was abusive to me throughout the pregnancy and is not in the picture. He has recently been sending me emails and asking to visit and I told him truthfully that now is not a good time, as I am in the midst of moving.

But I fear he is about to escalate. And it recently was revealed that he has my address somehow.

It just popped into my head that he might send child protective services over here just to screw with me and bully me. He had repeatedly threatened to do things like that while I was pregnant, and I could see him doing that.

I don't have anything to hide and am certainly not doing anything bad for the baby. But it would traumatize me to have someone show up at my door accusing me of things based on some anonymous tip they get. So I'm wondering if that's even possible? Do they respond to anonymous tips like that? Could he theoretically terrorize me that way?

I may be jumping the gun by even worrying about it. But in his last email I sensed an escalation. And suddenly realized he might actually do something like this.

 

[Wesegif]

AFAIK he is of a different nationality, does he even have any sort of an authority on the soil of a country you are, currently?

Or any basis for his so called claims be taken seriously, realistically?

 

[Funeguz]

No, he has no authority. But that's what I don't understand -- do they accept anonymous tips? He doesn't need any authority just to call them and make up stories about supposed abuse. Or are they smart enough to filter those out and only accept information from credible people? I just don't have any knowledge about how it works.

 

[Oza]

CPS & the cops & I are pals, my ex has sent them over so many times.

I don't like waiting on them. It drives me about nuts every time a car looking for the right address drives cop-speed down the road, and my hypervig will pick any old thing to latch onto & jackhammer my heart. But I've dealt with 2 different county sheriff's departments (living on the county line, gives them both jurisdiction via a buffer zone), half a dozen townships city police (the city I live in is made up of a bunch of converging smaller cities, each with their own police department, and after burning himself with one department, he just goes on to the next), state police, CPS, and one of these days probably the tooth fairy will show up with a report I've been naughty, to do a child welfare check. I'm kind of looking forward to either that one, or false reports made at the federal level concerning citizenship (ICE), terrorism (homeland), fugative-ship (Marshals), counterfeiting (FBI) & other fun adventures with LEOs. Wheeeeeeee. :rolleyes: Not really joking. I expect they'll be around sooner or later. & like every other branch of law enforcement will be met with "Hey boys, c'mon in. Can I get you a coke?"

Like I said, I don't like it, & my symptoms do tend to notch up a but just because I'm not particular fond of Yay! People! :wtf: But, I'm not actually joking about the pals thing. I know about a dozen now, by their first names, and a few have helped me out with a few odds and ends when they're not busy & already in the neighborhood. Like stepping up patrols, or helping me figure out how innthenhell to swear my car engine back into working order. I'm not afraid of my ex, but they've got this soft spot for single moms being f*cked with by their exes all the same.

Do police accept anonymous tips? Yep. By law they have to do a child welfare check if they're told a child is in danger (hence the parade of eye candy through my parents living room). And no one is happier than they are when there ISNT a child in danger (or more irritated with my ex for using them to f*ck with me, when they've got things to be doing. Cops aren't usually happy with people dicking them around, but that's not on me, I'm not the one calling them). CPS, on the other hand, usually needs dozens of reports from multiple sources. The sheer number of times the police have been called on me has qualified me for a visit a few times. I already have a good rapport with them from trying to get custody away from my ex, so again, it's usually let them do their jobs then sit and have a coffee or a coke and shoot the breeze for awhile.

Was I freaked out the first time? Sure. But it's been years of this, now. Hey boys! How y'all doing? :)

 

[Funeguz]

Yeah, if they accept anonymous tips, he'll be sure to do it then, because he knows there'd be no accountability and he could just deny it later. I just have a feeling, a gut feeling, that that's his next move. Like I said, I have nothing to hide, apart from maybe the kitchen not being as clean as I'd like it to be. But it'd still upset me.

 

[Funeguz]

Jesus, I feel so much rage right now. He keeps sending me emails and escalating when I don't give him a reaction. Is now saying he's coming out here with his family (the family he repeatedly threatened would abduct my son)

I am not blocking him, because then I wouldn't be able to document his insane behavior. But man does this piss me off.

 

[Funeguz]

Shit. He just asked if I'd consent to a paternity test. I don't want it to get to that point, that means he'll get visitation rights. Doesn't he technically have to sue to get the paternity test anyway? As in, he'd have to sue to prove paternity and get put on the birth certificate?

 

[Pejiv]

You can set up a duplicate email address to blindCC / forward all your stuff to automatically, and block him on that one. It's a bit of a pain. But it lets you keep a record of crazy, without having it sprung on you all hours of the day / night.

 

[Funeguz]

Yep - he went there. "I'm trying very hard here to be reasonable and polite in my requests and all I get in response is untrue accusations and animosity. You accuse me of disregarding your health during the pregnancy, but a cursory glance at our WhatsApp transcript conveys that you threatened to kill yourself on several occasions and I talked you out of it on each instance. The fact that you've allowed this very reasonable conversation to descend into bitter grandstanding, combined with your previous admissions about your mental health and your history of self-harming makes me genuinely worried about Aedrik's welfare. I want what is best for him and am trying to make steps towards this, and require your cooperation on some level to do this."

He's trying to get a DNA test but he doesn't want to do it through a court (because then he'd have to pay child support) So he wants to do it privately. I told him no, I'd only consent to a court-ordered test, and then we can establish his parental rights and child support.

The above is his response.

I self-harmed as a teenager, haven't done so in years. And his comment about me threatening to kill myself is a reference to me saying "I can't do this" at one point after he was bullying me relentlessly when I was 5 months pregnant. I'm astounded by this. Yes, the single mother who is working and taking care of her son single-handedly, with no help, and doing so AMAZINGLY WELL -- she must not be of sound mind. But the douchebag who tried to force her into an abortion by threatening to send revenge porn to her father, who got her fired (in the hopes that she'd miscarry from stress) when she was 6 months pregnant by making up lies to her boss, who threatened the baby even when she was in the delivery room, who hasn't done a damn thing to support this child ... yes, clearly he's of sound mind.

 

[Oweleh]

I am posting this anonymously because I fear my baby's father may be stalking me on here somehow, but some of you may...

That is a favorite weapon of an abuser, to claim that the victim is responsible for his behavior, that the victim is the guilty one. Everything he sends you, texts, E-mails, visuals you need to keep a file on. Create a paper trail and describe it in detail every time he tries to get close.