Fragmentation And PTSD Or C-PTSD?

[Pixie]

I am new here and am searching for some kind of clue as to whether what I suffer from is usual for PTSD or is C-PTSD specific.

My psychiatrist (pdoc) has told me that my sense of "fragmentation" is partly why he has diagnosed me to have C-PTSD.

By "fragmentation", I mean a number of things. I have a lot of trouble looking at photos of myself at any age, but the younger I am, the more pronounced it is. I know these images are of me, but when I look at that person, I have no sense of "connection" to her. I don't know what she was like, what she thought about, what her life was like. It is like I don't even know who I am! This total sense of disconnection (or fragmentation) is so pronounced that I avoid looking at photos of myself if possible. The last time I looked at many photos, I went into total overload and didn't sleep or eat for 3 days.

The other side of this fragmentation is the disconnection I have with so many emotions. I have read lots here about how others with PTSD have lots of trouble with anger. I don't tend to get angry very much. Rarely. But if I do, it is like I am morphing into someone else. The feeling of anger is so separate (?) from me as is lots of other emotional responses...

I feel like such a broken person. I don't even know who I really am... or was. I have so many memory gaps in my childhood and life in general, that I have to search for anything I can to help me understand who I am.

I guess... what I am asking, is if this is really connected to C-PTSD or is this stuff also suffered by those with PTSD?

Please help. I really need to work through this...

Pixie

 

[Pixie]

Whoops... Sorry, I just realised that I didn't capitalize every first word of the title...

I am so sorry. Is there an "edit" button somewhere?

Pixie

 

[catjudo]

Thanks for noticing your mistake. I've corrected it for you.

 

[Pixie]

Anyone? Please? Is it just me?

Pixie

 

[amethist]

Hi Pixie

Slow down a bit, please don't try to rush getting an answer to all at once. You will only get more stressed out.

The best thing to do to start with is to read as much as you can in the information section, then have a read through the other sections.

You will find the answers and other will help, but it takes time.

I am a carer but I do know how hard it is when you want the answers yesterday.

Take it easy you will get there.

Amethist

 

[Spacechic]

Pixie,

The issues you have from what I know do indeed relate to c-ptsd and ptsd.

You are not alone in your fragmentation. When I see pictures of myself in my childhood its like I don't even know that person. I know its me. It looks like me. But my memories of my childhood are mixed.

The avoidance you have over looking at these pictures is ptsd. Avoidance of triggers, the triggers being these pictures. The trauma you experience is not sleeping etc.

I experience disasscotian as well. I get confused. I feel lost and that I have no sense of who I am. I don't cry. This emotion is lost somewhere. In fat alot of those types of emotions are buried within.I recall things and have flashbacks and hear voices. At times I think I have lost the plot and have no sense of reality. This is very tough to deal with and work through.And its a long process. Getting better and "dealing with" things takes time and you have to be ready. If you open a an of worms too early the results an be detrimental.

So what you are experiencing is quite common for c-ptsd and ptsd. You are not alone. I can relate alot to what you are talking about and I will be happy to listen/read.

Spacey

 

[gdf]

It Hurts But It Heals

Hi Spacey,

It sounds like you have a lot of courage which helps when you face the challenges of PTSD. I am a sufferer. We are all seeking something beyond the hurting we feel. It can be discouraging. Sometimes we leap ahead and sometimes we have setbacks. It helps to remember progress at the times we feel discouraged although it is hard to when we are depressed. Feeling broken, damaged seems to be common feelings for us. Hang tough. Lots of support here.

Gina AKA gdf

 

[Onefineday]

Hey could someone explain to me what C-PTSD is? I've never heard of it until I came on this site, but when I try and read the different definitions I get confused, like with PTSD at first I couldn't even figure out how it related to me, all the symptoms were right, I have just about every single one, but the causes of PTSD made me look at it and think 'well I've never been in a war, I've never seen someone die, I've never been raped...'. Could someone put it basically as to what C-PTSD is?

 

[JohnnyM53]

OFD,

If you click on PTSD Forum on top, you'll see a section for New Members, then Full Members, and then lower on Information. Under "Information" is a title on C-PTSD. Click on it there is information there on this disorder.

 

[Grainne]

Welcome

Hi Pixie,

Welcome to the forum.

I can relate to a lot of what you posted. I also have a very hard time connecting to my younger self. I have zero sympathy for the little girl I once was, no matter how hard I try and how much I focus. My therapist asks me to bring childhood photos to my sessions so that I can at least have a visual connection. Hard hard work, it is. I think I am fearful of actually making that connection...I have no idea how I will deal with all those emotions and heartache, if I even manage to identify with who I once was.

You mention in your post that you don't get 'angry' often. I am the same way. I do not have a rage response at all. I'm finding that everyone who suffers from PTSD experiences it in different ways.

It's great to hear that you are getting help for yourself. It does take time to work through these things (lots of time!) BUT, you've taken the first step. It's just one foot in front of the other now...keep moving forward.

Best to you,
Grainne

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Hi Pixie -

I also am VERY disconnected from myself and my childhood. In fact, I don't honestly have any feelings regarding my childhood - NONE. I can tell you matter of factly what happened and my traumas and my therapist will be upset on my behalf but I have no feelings associated with it.

I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD but honestly I think alot of the symptoms are similiar - but C-PTSD is seen often in long term childhood abuse (especially sexual), along with other areas - I don't remember the criteria that made me obtain my diagnosis (of course my memory is pretty much shot) - but there is information in the section someone mentioned above in more detail.

Getting help is a great step - we can't undo what happened to us, but we can help ourselves now and learn how to manage our symptoms and take good care of ourselves.

 

[onebravegirl]

Hi there!:hello:
My diagnosis was CPTSD. The C standing for Complex. Complex meaning that there are many underlining traumas that caused my condition. Several life and death scenarios that left terrible trauma. On my journey through this stuff, I have come across some women who have DID-Dissociative Identity Disorder. Every persons C-PTSD and PTSD's symptoms vary. And although I have had some of the symptoms you mentioned I wondered if it may be worth asking your Therapist about DID. I am not sure of its criteria but the title itself made me think of what you are describing. Hang tough, and Welcome to the forum!
O