Freaked By Therapist'says New Office

[watundah]

I posted last week and am reposting with hopes for refreshed input.
I wrote about the discomfort I felt from my therapist moving to a new space above her husband's garage/workshop.
Except I wasn't supposed to know it was her home, she described it as a "residence". And we were friends on Facebook and her postings were loud that her husband had remodeled this space for her.
Well we had an email discussion today as I wanted to address the fact that last week, my first week in her new place, I could hear someone opening and closing a door downstairs, which to me was intrusive and therefore not private nor safe.

She responded to me that she had an arrangement that the workshop isn't to be accessed while she is in session but she couldn't help if there was an emergency. I pointed out that I wasn't sure what constitutes an "emergency", but I heard the door last week while I was in session.

This has me so upset that I can't feel safe or private, and I told her I need some time away from all this. Her response: "Sorry about the garage. I don't remember that but I don't doubt you heard it." Then threw in fluffy language about my time away and reaching out whenever I want.

WTF??. I am thinking that unless you can guarantee me that someone walking in and out of the garage is absolutely going to stop, this deal is over. I think if we can hear him, he can hear us, and I got no assurance that this won't happen again!

I hate ending therapy this way but I feel like Ive been blown off and after this exchange she unfriended me on Facebook. Have we broken up? How stupid. So my feelings are pretty hurt and I want to write and ask, "Is this the best you can do?" We've been working together for four years so I expected more of a commitment/concern/reaction??? Advice appreciated.

 

[ButterflyBean]

@watundah, first, I want to say that I can empathize with you because my therapist moved offices about four months ago. The move distruped my inner child work, so I understand where you're coming from. There's something about the physical environment that allowed me to gain a sense of safety within our therapeutic relationship, especially since we only startd the new type of work a few months ago.

That being said, I see a few red flags I would like to call your attention to. You and your therapist should not be friends on Facebook under any circumstances, specifically while you are in treatment. By being your Facebook friend, your therapist is engaging in a dual-role relationship, which is a clear violation of ethical boundaries. See section A of the American Counseling Association code of ethics for more information on the relationship between client and therapist if you wish. I believe this is more concerning than the location of her office, in my opinion. The therapeutic relationship is the strongest predictor of successful outcomes in treatment. If you feel unsafe in the relationship by any means, environment included, you need to address your concerns with your therapist as soon as possible. I would do so even if you do not plan to continue treatment with her because doing so will allow for some sense of closure. Speaking from experience, ending a relationship with your therapist abruptly will likely cause issues with abandonment and unexpected grief. The conversation may be difficult and be better done in writing if her new office feels unsafe. I gently but strongly encourage you to find your voice if you can. Sending you support and gentle compassion; please know you are not alone!

 

[EveHarrington]

I am also concerned that you're friends with your therapist on Facebook. Of course the Internet meaning of "friends" is extremely diluted and barely a reflection of what Mirriam-Webster says, but nonetheless, I think being Facebook friends is crossing a professional boundary.

 

[Sandstone]

Her response: "Sorry about the garage. I don't remember that but I don't doubt you heard it." Then threw in fluffy language about my time away and reaching out whenever I want.

I'm not sure you are hearing what she is saying. It sounds to me as if she is validating your experience. We know how sensitive we can be to any sort of threat, and she is acknowledging that you heard the door and it affected you. I KNOW how hard it is to fear your words could be heard. I have taken a radio to a session and left it playing in the room while I went outside to check how much was audible.

I think you probably need to go back and look at the "fluffy language". Why are you labelling it as that? Was she actually saying that you are welcome back whenever you want? But you don't feel able to trust her word?

 

[watundah]

The Facebook thing happened several years ago when she wrote a blog and invited people to friend her. Later she set up a professional page and I think I was just on her personal page as a legacy thing. Anyway, I always kind of wondered about that and think we were mutual lurkers. It was the timing, I guess, that seemed hurtful, like I'd done something wrong in all of this. I do understand and appreciate that it's better this way.

Since she is newly married and moved her business on her husband's property, I assume, now that my head is on straight again, that in respect for all parties involved she is probably setting up stronger boundaries where the personal and professional are better separated.

The curt "sorry" didn't sit right after she'd written that the garage would be accessed in an emergency only, and I said I had heard the door and it was difficult to believe there was an emergency my first time in there, so it seemed contradictory to what she was saying and I needed a lot more reassurance that what she said was real. I did want to quit because I felt she couldn't give me what I need - a secure place without someone potentially ease dropping or triggering me with sneaky door noises.

We have had a few back and forth emails this week with reassurances that she is doing everything that she can to make sure the door intrusion doesn't happen again. I feel like an embarrassed pain in the ass while at the same time, she understands my hyper-vigilance and is going the extra mile.

I am not quitting since she wrote me a strong email about the efforts she takes to make her office safe and is even putting a sign in the window when in session to let the guy know to not access the garage. I'm sure that's a new thing because of me..

I didn't realize that I had such a hair trigger. But, I didn't want the change to happen, I didn't want to go in that day, I was hyped up before I even got there, I had a new place with a window and a potential eavesdropper. Now with all of her reassurance, I hope visit #2 will be better. I am taking a few weeks off before I go back because all of this combined with new revelations regarding additional perpetrators has been way trippy and I need to let this all dilute a bit.

Whew. Thank you for your comments. I do appreciate it.

 

[watundah]

@Sandstone Thanks for the radio.comment. I was feeling a bit embarrassed and ashamed today and my spouse reassured me I have a right to the conditions that work for me.