Frequent Masturbation...Is it okay?

[OliveJewel]

I appreciate this thread. It is helpful to me because I am recovering from csa and relearning about sex.

Glad you are finding some clarity @maybeiamabear. I feel compelled to process a bit of my own, if you don’t mind, as @Freddyt brought up some interesting points about masturbation vs partner sex.

the drive to satisfy your partner

It is helpful for me to remember that this goes both ways. My T reminds me that my ex made it all about him *but I couldn’t notice it at the time*. I still don’t understand whether it happens at the same time or sequentially.

the objective the same.

This is confusing for me to see you negate them. In recovering from csa I had to develop a relationship with myself. Which means I had to be intimate with myself—forgiving and accepting myself explicitly. I don’t yet know how to be intimate with other adults, but I think it has something to do with how I developed a sense of intimacy with myself. It’s not easy to accept myself as a sexual being. I had to give myself permission to take care of my needs unconditionally. So I don’t understand how the objective of partner sex is different from that of masturbation. But maybe I’m coming at this from a different angle.

good.

To get to the point of intimacy you need a relationship

Relationship with myself through the lens of transference is what is helping me. I don’t know how I will transition to intimate relationship with another adult. Interesting how sure you can be that it *will* happen for others. I agree that there is a sense of fate when it comes to looking at an attached relationship when in it. But it’s odd to me how recovery can change the perspective to where it seems I was never in a relationship at all, at least not one which sustained me.

Hope I don’t come across as objectionable, rather trying to gain perspective by challenging my own understanding. I would like to have intimacy some day outside of the therapeutic relationship and friendships.

 

[Freddyt]

In recovering from csa I had to develop a relationship with myself.

I am sorry for what was done to you. I speak from my experience which doesn't involve sa. Still that relationship with self was damaged and distorted in some ways from my early trauma. There are parts of that event that I am dealing with in therapy that did damage to my relationship with myself.

I don’t know how I will transition to intimate relationship with another adult.

I like dictionary definitions of things. Especially in this case, because I find there is more than one kind of intimacy.

Intimacy
1. Closely acquainted, familiar, close.
My wife and I became acquainted and over time we became familiar and closer until we decided to be partners in life. Intimacy grew from familiarity

2. Private and Personal.
I am intimate with my T, there are things that come out in therapy I wouldn't tell anyone, except my SO (if she wanted to know), because I want to heal from what was done to me. I am intimate with my T about antything to do with my mental health because we are partners in my healing.

I also like old wisdom, and like my grandfather told me, there is a knob for every door, sometimes it takes a while to find the right one.

The hard part for most of us here is dealing with the social problems that grew out of our trauma so we can trust someone enough to be intimate.