LeiaFlower
Gold Member
I started masturbation I think at age nine following the end of the sexual abuse. I think I did it to continue the feel good emotion tied to the abuse. It was always compulsive and still feels out of control now. I want to stop because my inner child thinks it’s disgusting. I also read that if you have an addiction it can prevent memories from resurfacing so I want to stop for that reason. However I can’t. I tried and the longest I have gotten is a few months. But relapsed when I went into crisis with my therapist. Since then the longest I’ve gotten is a few days maybe a week.
I know it’s normal. However, it’s tied to the sexual abuse. My abuser use to molest me by oral sex fingering and touching my genitals. Due to that I started masturbating when I discovered I can do it by myself.
It’s also causing dissociation. I either dissociate from myself or my emotions tied to it. So I can pretend I’m not actually doing this.
I wonder, do I need to change my thinking on this and simply radically accept? Or should I slowly ween or cold turkey from doing this?
I know it’s normal. However, it’s tied to the sexual abuse. My abuser use to molest me by oral sex fingering and touching my genitals. Due to that I started masturbating when I discovered I can do it by myself.
It’s also causing dissociation. I either dissociate from myself or my emotions tied to it. So I can pretend I’m not actually doing this.
I wonder, do I need to change my thinking on this and simply radically accept? Or should I slowly ween or cold turkey from doing this?