From Angry to Boom.

[DogTired]

From the get-go, this isn't a poor little me post as I don't do that, I just get ANGRY.

6 months ago PTSD got the better of me BIG TIME after 38 years of me coping.
So, after a lot of pushing from SWMBO, I reluctantly asked for help.
A flurry of phone calls, video chats, and a shrinks face to face assessment confirmed, "the gift that never ends" (PTSD) was back.
My main PTSD problem has always been anger turning into aggression if pushed.
Being ex-mil, that's not a good skill for civilian life. Add hyper-vigilence going crazy to paranoia levels. Plus anxiety about everything. I reckon I'm not very stable at this time and dead easy to rile.

Problem is I can't see that as I'm looking out, but SWMBO is looking in and knows all my tells. That she called in. Result of her call? Nothing, Nada, Nil, Naught.
Only she told me about the call and Whoosh, I'm there.
One ex-combat vet, spitting feathers, and looking for somewhere to happen.

I always knew the UK was a crock of shit for mental healthcare but until now, there was no need to use it. I also know that finding ex-mil to speak to, let alone help, in my insipid area, is rather like my chances of winning the lottery (which I don't do).

That has left me somewhere inbetween the knowledge that "I'm too old to get back in the shit" and "there must be someone that doesn't care about age, only how good can you shoot". Difficult decision isn't it? Wait until I explode locally, or go somewhere where an indifferent view of life is desirable (and well paid).

 

[arfie]

i had to look up swmbo. could that be what i call, "the beaten crazy bitch wolf?" also combat trained, for what it's worth. the beaten crazy bitch wolf was no lightweight back when my fellow gi's called me, "a combat trained alley cat." my military training was lightweight next to the back alley training.

but, as you mentioned, that deadly cocktail isn't so welcome in the civilian sector. it earned me some court-ordered anger management classes which started as a court order and ended with a hunger for a more serene take on life. i believe more and more that hate/anger are like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. that, or escalating into a serial killer. i still indulge those fantasies every so often.

i've managed to resolve much of that anger, but anger channeling is remains my primary tool for keeping the beaten crazy bitch wolf (bcbw?) from chewing holes into vital organs. it helps mightily with keeping her control freakitis from running my life.

but that is me and every case is unique, especially when remediating swmbo's. swmbosis?

steadying support while you find what works for you.