Escape Goat
Bronze Member
Hello all and TY for allowing me to join.
I am in my mid-50's and dealing now with the things we neither had knowledge for nor the clarity in those long past times. It is only now after several years of counseling that I have begun to see the enormous unfairness brought on to me in my upbringing.
It is also just now I have begun to see how my upbringing has influenced my adulthood trends. I never could get, let alone hold jobs however hard and honestly I tried to be a model -albeit imperfect employee. The woman I married also had her soul murdered when she was very little. That and her long history of dating toothless wonders, drunks, jailbirds, and piles of sh*t were the baggage I inherited in my pairing up with her. That ended in divorce.
I was raised in a loving but dysfunctional Catholic family. My father himself was a very problematic and needy man whose soul was murdered at a tender age in his upbringing. My mother grew up in poverty and neglect and upheld the Catholic dogma in our family to the point that by the time I was in my adult years I defected the faith, washed my hands of it all, and chose to not raise my daughter (an only child) in such a horrible artificial hell.
I am the eldest of 4 children; Asperger-autistic and the Scapegoat / Lost Child. 2nd in line is a brother who won the status of Hero / auxiliary parent and always and forever was at Mom's side assisting the administering of "discipline". 3rd in line is my sister (also the only girl) who was the Golden Child and the darling little Princess from the get go. 4th in line is the younger brother was the Clown / Mascot who got away with almost as much as my sister and had some brushes with the law.
As many here have experienced I was the elephant -um mammoth in the house nobody noticed until something went wrong or until a trip to the store was needed. Then I was always and forever the family's Girl Friday. My parents never, NEVER EVER delegated my siblings for that chore. Dad used to revel in playing me like a yo-yo, always for one item at a time although the grocery list was longer than his arms and legs put together. -Until I got smart about it, left the first item with the change on the counter, and then fled the household for several hours.
During my high school years I got creative in my escapism to cope with all the unnecessary and unbelievably stupid drama borne of my siblings' boredom and restlessness. In family functions and get togethers I was the one always and forever up on my feet doing all the running around and fetching, always including multiple trips to the store for their smokes and other stuff. On Sunday, if for any reason my parents could not attend church, I was always and forever the one dispatched to the Sunday morning mass while my siblings stayed home and did as they pleased.
To this day, I am the only adult child with whom my mother argues and bickers with -until I had my own Buckeroo moment with her last year. I could go on and on but I will stop here for now, peruse the contents of this Board, and offer my own reply if I see any of my echos. OTOH feel free to touch base with me if you see your own echo here.
Love and Peace,
Escape Goat
I am in my mid-50's and dealing now with the things we neither had knowledge for nor the clarity in those long past times. It is only now after several years of counseling that I have begun to see the enormous unfairness brought on to me in my upbringing.
It is also just now I have begun to see how my upbringing has influenced my adulthood trends. I never could get, let alone hold jobs however hard and honestly I tried to be a model -albeit imperfect employee. The woman I married also had her soul murdered when she was very little. That and her long history of dating toothless wonders, drunks, jailbirds, and piles of sh*t were the baggage I inherited in my pairing up with her. That ended in divorce.
I was raised in a loving but dysfunctional Catholic family. My father himself was a very problematic and needy man whose soul was murdered at a tender age in his upbringing. My mother grew up in poverty and neglect and upheld the Catholic dogma in our family to the point that by the time I was in my adult years I defected the faith, washed my hands of it all, and chose to not raise my daughter (an only child) in such a horrible artificial hell.
I am the eldest of 4 children; Asperger-autistic and the Scapegoat / Lost Child. 2nd in line is a brother who won the status of Hero / auxiliary parent and always and forever was at Mom's side assisting the administering of "discipline". 3rd in line is my sister (also the only girl) who was the Golden Child and the darling little Princess from the get go. 4th in line is the younger brother was the Clown / Mascot who got away with almost as much as my sister and had some brushes with the law.
As many here have experienced I was the elephant -um mammoth in the house nobody noticed until something went wrong or until a trip to the store was needed. Then I was always and forever the family's Girl Friday. My parents never, NEVER EVER delegated my siblings for that chore. Dad used to revel in playing me like a yo-yo, always for one item at a time although the grocery list was longer than his arms and legs put together. -Until I got smart about it, left the first item with the change on the counter, and then fled the household for several hours.
During my high school years I got creative in my escapism to cope with all the unnecessary and unbelievably stupid drama borne of my siblings' boredom and restlessness. In family functions and get togethers I was the one always and forever up on my feet doing all the running around and fetching, always including multiple trips to the store for their smokes and other stuff. On Sunday, if for any reason my parents could not attend church, I was always and forever the one dispatched to the Sunday morning mass while my siblings stayed home and did as they pleased.
To this day, I am the only adult child with whom my mother argues and bickers with -until I had my own Buckeroo moment with her last year. I could go on and on but I will stop here for now, peruse the contents of this Board, and offer my own reply if I see any of my echos. OTOH feel free to touch base with me if you see your own echo here.
Love and Peace,
Escape Goat
