Frustrated Again! *vent*

[Chosen]

So things with my T had been going really well. I felt closer to him than ever before, and I'd finally stopped being afraid of him getting mad at me. I saw him yesterday for an individual session after a 6 week hiatus (because of session limits).

I felt like the session was productive, but then he told me how he was talking to a co-worker about how it's different in college counseling centers...how it's normal to be done after 5-7 sessions, and how he wonders if he's helping after 7 sessions, even with trauma cases. And I've seen this T for 3.5 years, I'm guessing 75ish sessions in that time frame. In this very session he again said how much I've grown and improved.

But then when he talks about he wonders if he's helping after the 7th session...I just feel like...really?? you freaking say that I work hard (which is true since I work VERY hard), you've said I've grown....why are you even wondering about if you're helping? It's like he freaking thinks that just because I care a lot about him that I don't actually benefit from his presence in my life--completely ignoring the fact that just that he's been a stable, consistent (for the most part) presence in my life has been incredibly healing.

And even if he's wondering if he's helping, why the frick does he pull for acknowledgment from me? Why can't he just trust my reports of successes? And beyond that, I've TOLD him multiple times that I know he's helped and is continuing to help me. Why the heck can't he TRUST me?

*so frustrating* it's like he WANTS me to quit!

 

[digger]

Hmm...obviously I wasn't there so I can't know the tone of the conversation, but I wouldn't have read that as him wanting validation or acknowledgement from you - it sounds more like he was just making a point about limited sessions and whether they are enough to really help people.

How did you get from that, to thinking he wants you to quit? You said yourself you've had a LOT more than seven sessions with him - perhaps he wasn't referring to you at all? Perhaps he considers your sessions to be successful, because he's been able to give more time to you than most people he sees - could that not be the point he was making, or did he actually say he didn't think he's helped you specifically?

 

[Jane.l]

I agree with digger it sounds like he is frustrated - 7 weeks is such a short time frame to work with, maybe he thought you would appreciate how difficult it would be to achieve much in that time ?

 

[KwanYingirl]

I don't read a put down from him. He may be wishing he could see you more and is frustrated about the limited sessions. You know in general terms, that 7 visits just isn't enough time to make progress perhaps he feels that you would be further on journey had you not had to go on hiatus .

 

[NovemberStar]

I don think it's your T but the system he has to work in. My mind is boggling at the mere idea that anyone could think trauma could be dealt with in a handful of sessions!!!! (Ie - the people who set up the system).

I'd really encourage you to look for a T that can offer you much much longer-term therapy without the long breaks inbetween.

I can only speak for myself, and part of it for me is a huge part of my trauma is attachment related (prolonged childhood abuse at the hands of a parent) - but to even attempt trauma therapy with just a handful of sessions, it would make me much much worse and actually end up doing further damage.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I agree with @NovemberStar

 

[Jane.l]

I think Noah has been seeing this T for over three years - so think the T was talking about the value of working 7 wk sessions with other clients not her - maybe? Not sure[DOUBLEPOST=1405893650,1405893587][/DOUBLEPOST]I think Noah has been seeing this T for over three years - so think the T was talking about the value of working 7 wk sessions with other clients not her - maybe? Not sure

 

[Chosen]

I've worked with him since February 2011, so it has been over three years. We've had around 75 sessions, I'm guessing, in that time. They've varied from 1-14 weeks apart (when he used to have summers off).
He was talking about how different I am from the "norm" in college counseling centers...that usually students use services for 5-7 sessions or they go to a mental health clinic.
My university allows 12 sessions a year.

 

[digger]

He was talking about how different I am from the "norm" in college counseling centers...that usually students use services for 5-7 sessions or they go to a mental health clinic.

Talking about you being different - doesn't that mean he wasn't talking about it in reference to you personally? Unless I'm misunderstanding this....

...how it's normal to be done after 5-7 sessions, and how he wonders if he's helping after 7 sessions,...

But then when he talks about he wonders if he's helping after the 7th session...I just feel like...really??

I think most of us here are reading that as him thinking counselling needs more than seven sessions to be effective, but I'm wondering now if you're interpreting it as him saying he doesn't see the point in more than seven sessions??:confused:

Sorry for the confusion, but what you posted sounds like he was pondering the effectiveness of short term, time limited counselling...are you able to explain a bit more about what he actually said and which way you took it?

 

[Chosen]

The way I took it where he said he wonders if he's helping after the 7th session is that he doesn't think it's effective after 7 sessions and that therapy should stop due to the constraints of a college counseling center.

 

[digger]

Ah okay. Well, I know none of us were there and its hard for us to tell from only a small amount of the conversation, but as most people who have responded seem to have taken it a different way, maybe worth asking him to clarify what he meant by it next time you see him?

 

[NovemberStar]

@Noah Obviously you need to contact him and clarify this as soon as possible.

If it is as you interpreted then I see that as a caring thing not a rejection thing. If it is as you feel it was meant, to me he is saying he has concerns as to the effectiveness of the system he is working in. And to be honest, I would agree with him - 7 sessions would be great for a lot of students who have issues bothering them - relationship break ups, exam stress, parents divorcing, failing grades.

But PTSD??? NO FREAKING WAY. PTSD isn't a minor thing easily treated - 7 sessions or not. I also think it would be incredibly difficult to make consistent gains in moving forward if you have to keep having large breaks of several weeks in between sessions. PTSD is a major mental illness - it's not a part time illness needing part time treatment.

Either way, you need to TALK to your T to clarify what he meant. I do 'get' what you probably heard from what he said was 'I don't think it's worth seeing you anymore' and I imagine you took what he said as rejection and him 'not wanting to work with you anymore' BUT if he felt that way; if he really did not see the point in working with someone for more than 7 sessions, it's highly unlikely he would have continued to see you for the last 3 years!