Frustrated..need Input

[K-9 Al]

Ive been going to therapy (intensive) for a year now. Hasnt really helped subside the symptoms. Ive been going to an outpatient program. At first it was 5 days a week. However, that wasnt helping so they stepped me down to three days a week. I dont feel thats helping either. What the hell am i supposed to do? I am on trazidone, klonopin, zoloft, minipress, remeron. I suffer from low depression, severe guilt, PTSD, nightmares, anxiety/panic attacks and all the otehr bullshit that comes with this thing. I am stuck in NJ awaiting a medical board and cant get any information on when that will be done so I can go back home to Michigan to be begin to re-heal. Ive located an inpatient facility there at home. Whats going on with me? Why am I not getting better and only worse....

 

[Jimmy1]

Al, this is just my opinion, take it how you want.

When I was first diagnosed, I ended up on 200 mg Zoloft as an anti depressent, 1000 mg of Epilim as an anti psychotic and 60 mg of mirtazepine (Avanza), and I was seeing a therapist once a week as well as an 8 week PTSD program. Nothing seemed to work. I was still serving but on medical leave.
I then discharged and turned to self medication and gave up all of it. I thought it was working, but it wasn't.

The biggest stressor was removed though, the service. Even thought I was on medical leave, there were constant reminders and of course that 'Awaiting Discharge' hanging over my head. Once it was gone, it was way better.

Your medications Trazidone - SARI Serotonin Antagonist and Reuptake Inhibitor - Used for depression and anxiety
Zoloft - SSRI Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor - Used for depression and anxiety
Klonopin - Clonazepam. Its a long acting Benzodiazipam, like Valium.
Minipress - Is an Alpha Blocker used for high blood pressure. It causes low blood pressure as it unrestricts the veins and arteries.
Remeron - Another name for Avanza. This on its own is a great sleep aid is small doses. It is also an antidepressant.

What I don't understand Al, is that you suffer from low depression and yet they have you on a multiple number of antidepressants. Minipress is for high blood pressure and can be used for anxiety, but tests have shown that beta blockers are better.

I am now on Pristiq, Deralin, and Avanza. At this stage it seems great.
Check out Link Removed
Its outdated, but it explained benzo's to me and explained why my moods had not stablised. I am off them now and had to wean myself off them, but I am a better person to be around.

I would go and get a second opinion mate. I have no idea why they have you on so many medications. Some could be counter acting others

 

[K-9 Al]

my apologies. When I wrote "low" depression I meant deep depression with deep lows that come with suicidal thoughts. I am always "amped up", anxiety is a daily battle along with guilt. The nighttime dreams went away when I first started minipres but they've returned with avengence. for the past week I've been puking in my sleep. I had a horrible nightmare last night. I puked in my sleep and woke up crying a d wanting to end it all. Bit I pressed on. Went to outpatient therapy and of course, a fight breaks put between 2 combat vets. I have started drinking more and more. I am getting worse. I have nonsupport system here in nj. No one can tell me where I am in the
Medical discharge process, I can't take leave. I can't do shit. I just sit and wait ad rot away. My mental health is declining. I hate going to post because everything is a trigger. My ex wife keeps using my PTSD against me in court, this outpatient program sucks. My therapist wants me to be superman and get off all meds and see her twice a week. I'm trying to hang on so I can get out of here. These f*cking people don't care how bad I have to leave here. I'm loving with an old married couple I barley know. I would've "checked out" had it not be for Bella and my son (whom I'm not allowed to see for 6 months) what was the fuxking point of "serving my country" it gave me PTSD a d has ruined my life. I've lost my wife and son, I'm a reveed up freak, anxiety cripples me, f*ckong nightmares, anger, depression, panic, meds, alcohol. What's the f*cking point anymore

 

[Zipperhead]

I'm new to this, so I really don't have anything helpful to suggest. It's a new experience every day. Learning as I go.

I guess I'm just responding so the hit counter doesn't keep going up with no response. I just wish I had something more useful for you then I hear you, and I care.

 

[Jimmy1]

I am still serious about the Benzo's. They are very addictive. Check out the side effects. My MD put me on them, and my psych took me off for that exact reason. You become addicted easily and they become less effective and you need more for the same effect. If you were to increase your Klonopin, you would chill, but that would only last for a couple of weeks then you would need more. Its just my psych's opinion.
He has me on Xanax when required and Margaret dispenses them for my own safety.

Its just my opinion. But your right, some of them don't care. It's up to you to care for your childrens sake.
Get another opinion, what can it hurt. If you can fix you, then you will feel able to tackle the whole wife thing, but if your not thinking straight, she will have you

 

[Jimmy1]

Actually Al, when I thought about it more, all of us on this site suffer from Depression, Anxiety, Stress, Insomnia, you name it, just to varying degrees. The only difference is our actual traumas and physical injuries like TBI etc.

The thing is you have to find the medication that best suits you.

I used to take what the doctor ordered, but if its not working and you have been on it a while, then ask to change.
Do some research into different drugs and suggest them up. Its not an easy battle because just when you think your medication is right, something will change. You might suffer from multiple stressors and have a set back and need to up or change dosage or total medication. Or you might travel well and be able to reduce your dosage.

We all would like to be on no medication whatsoever, but in all seriousness, the likelihood of that happening is limited.

Really its up to you to talk to your prescriber mate, tell him its not cutting the mustard.

 

[marc and honey]

Just a few points I would like to touch on. Drinking could be the worst thing to do. It may be why you are pucking with all the medications we are on. This is already hard on the body before introducing alcohol. Moving on
Guilt is tough probably one of the hardest thing to deal with. Try to remember, you may feel responsible for bad that happened but ultimately you did not hurt or kill them, the enemy did. Don’t beat yourself up (easier said than done)
As we all struggle trying to find the right job, therapist, medications, the meaning of life after the battle. You will spend your whole life meeting new people; people who you never thought would make such a great impact on your life.
No one pill is the magic pill. Ultimately they may be able to help, but have realistic expectations of them. I typically would not suggest a new therapist it often takes a long time to establish a working trust. However if you discuss with him or her, what is going on the recent problems you are having with the current treatment plan. Perhaps there is another treatment plan you could try. Some treatments have been shown to be very difficult but have a greater success rate IE Exposure Therapy.
Med board sucks, I am in the process now for 4 months and they say I have one last VA exam on Friday, We will see. Then from what I understand it is a waiting game. It may sound strange but have you been assigned a PEBLO and a nurse case manager? If not I suggest you visit your medical management or wounded warrior to ask about your case. The only reason I say this is because a lot of guys I know thought they were in the med board process for months and they had not even started.
Your PEBLO should be able to tell you what the next step is IE. VA exams, PEB, pack your sh*t and go home. You won’t get dates; most likely, just a general concept of what is next in your case. Try not to blow-up on your PEBLO; they are there to help you.
If you would like more info on the MEB process I can try to explain what I have gone through. It is still a work in progress.
Best of luck, It can’t rain all the time
Marc

 

[K-9 Al]

Marc, I do have a peblo but they are worthless. All I get is "I don't k ow" to any questions I give em. I am trying to get commanders involved to put me on convalescent leave so I can get out of here and home to where
My support structure is. Then it's just a drive back to base and sign my stuff from the board.

 

[marc and honey]

Sorry to hear about the PEBLO. convalescent leave sounds good though. I wish My command would do that for me. My command wants me to pull staff duty 1 day on, 1 day off, and 1 days standerd work. As you could imagine with lack of sleep it takes longer then 2 days to recoup that kind of sleep. It feels like they are setting me up for failure. Anyway, kinda off topic, did you have to get any paperwork for Bella to be with you at work? When you don't get the anwsers you are looking for try another angle. It sounds like your command may be supportive. you should also have a MEDO within you battalion he my have some idea whats up (that a big maybe, but worth a shot)Keep positive.

 

[Jimmy1]

Your military sound f*cked up. At least over here, once you have been diagnosed with depression and PTSD, you are restricted from being around weapons and usually placed on medical leave permanently until they get you on a PTSD program to see if you have a chance to get back on active service.

f*ck going into work among all those triggers. No wonder you guys are not getting better. Uniforms are constant reminders. There would be guys training to go to the sandpit, guys with weapons, etc. No Wonder.