News Gaslighting

[The Albatross]

Quite an eye opener for me... there were a few aspects of gas lighting that have been present with my familial relationships that pretty near shocked me stupid. Want to go back and reread it and explore more some of the aspects that surprised me.

Thanks @joeylittle for restoring that link.

@stenni - yeah I got zinged by that paragraph as well.

 

[Sandstone]

I took that paragraph to therapy, though practical issues meant we didn't get very far with it. I've been grappling with issues around reality and dissociation for some time. It helped me to see that some of these are about someone else's view of reality being imposed on me, and that if their reality was changeable, then I was bound to struggle with accommodating it. I think that this is possibly something in my childhood that predisposed me towards dissociating as a way to deal with trauma. If it actually isn't possible to maintain one reality and be in agreement with the source of power, then we have to have lots of realities.

(Side track. Does that mean that dissociating can come before the trauma, and predispose us to fal to process it at teh time and hence develop PTSD?)

 

[Crow]

Side track. Does that mean that dissociating can come before the trauma, and predispose us to fal to process it at teh time and hence develop PTSD?

@stenni I really believe it does. Especially if we're predisposed to react to things as trauma....you know, attachment issues etc. Really great question!

 

[Sandstone]

So do you think that this has any impact on how we manage ourselves?

 

[Deleted member 20978]

The key insight I took from the article, of many, was that gaslighting is about the belief you can "overwrite" someone else's reality. As I understand this -- if someone is forceful with their opinions, or arrogant, this may make them an asshole of some stripe, but it is not gaslighting. Whereas if someone tells you that what you are experiencing or feeling is false, that's gaslighting. Not disagreeing, but actually telling you that you don't feel what you feel, don't think what you think, etc. And for good measure, no it's not getting dimmer in here... As soon as I read that a light bulb went off.

Gaslighting seen from this framing is a very distinct antisocial cognitive distortion that is absolutely devastating. It scrambles the circuits needed to navigate and can imprison someone. It's pretty evil.

 

[Crow]

Well said @Jemini

 

[Teasel]

I've just read this article it describes to a t my relationship with my partnet of near 14 years. All the thing about your personality disintegrating - yes - all that. So grateful to read this,,feeling ashamed of being so stupid but I'm quite sure I can get over that..
@CrowFeather thanks ever so much for sharing this.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

The article didn't say much as I recall about people who are more susceptible to being gaslit. I feel like I don't have tools to deal with it, just get stuck in a rut persisting more and more desperately, "no, wait, *reality*..." I can't for the life of me tell if the gaslighter is conscious of denying reality and get caught in a loop assuming better faith. I feel like a chump. I wish I knew how to defend against this, and it is not always as simple as walking away. Not nonsense.

 

[Ed Norton]

Very good article! I see what my first T was doing at least one of the tactics. The ' it doesn't have to be intentional or out of anger' part is really what allowed me to see it as what it was.

 

[Teasel]

Completely agree with everyone that the gaslighting doesn't have to be deliberate thing makes all the difference in allowing me to see it for what it is.

Couple other things that jumped out at me as very useful is that you don't have to know the others intention for sure, just how you feel around them

And that he distinguishing feature between someone who gaslights and someone who doesn’t, is an internalized paradigm of ownership. And in my experience, identifying that paradigm is a lot easier than spotting the gaslighting.

Also , Your gaslighter does not see you.

Also @Jemini the article says the following about what kinds of person is more susceptible.

There are three tendencies that will pull you into a gaslighting exchange. These tendencies are the need to be right, the need to be understood and the need for approval. Additionally, certain traits, such as being empathic, being a caretaker, needing to see your partner in a positive light, and being a “people pleaser,” will make you more susceptible.

 

[Born to Run]

Is this not another term for mind control?

 

[Ronin]

Oh my goodness it's back.

In a way. 'Mind control' crowds tend to label very basic persuation mind control & see shadows everywhere though, so I don't know that's an useful way of looking things.