Gay Sexual Feeling

[claire east]

During my abuse I did things to my abusers especially my girl abuser she did lots of things to me that I'm ashamed of but I liked it at the time I wanted her to do thoes things to me I looked forward to going there seeing her body I was so confused thoult I was gay now I feel sick to think about tears in my eyes now I'm so ashamed

 

[Milo's papa]

@ Claire east, I am sooo sorry you had to go through what you they did to you. When my brother used me for his sexual pleasures, and turned me over to his friend to do likewise, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was too young to understand what "gay" was, I just knew that I should not be having sex with other guys.

I buried those feelings and the feelings of shame and guilt a long time ago. There was no way of getting even reasonably healthy if I carried them with me throughout my life.

I think, for your own mental health, you need to have a funeral for all those feelings of shame and burry them so they can never haunt you again.

 

[claire east]

I burnt everything I ever had I wrote of the abuse but it hasn't helped it didn't help either when I meet my girl abuser 5 years ago as I felt I needed to meet her she denied everything even to the police I felt deverstated

 

[Milo's papa]

@Clair east, I know that feeling. To this day my brother says I made it all up. I was only 7 years old, how could I have made up something like that? Hell, I didn't even know anything about sex before that happened. He also denies ever throwing me through a plate glass window when I told the T about it and my parents found out. I know deep down in my soul that that's his cross to bear. He'll have to atone for it come judgment day.

 

[claire east]

@Clair east, I know that feeling. To this day my brother says I made it all up. I was only 7 years o...

You be surprised what our abuser will do to keep there secret safe my friend used to burn me with cigarette when I said I wouldn't go one day she tried to strangle me to change my mind

 

[Milo's papa]

@claire east, I'm quite aware of the extent abusers will go through to both keep you under their control and keep their secrets.

My wife's abusers threatened to kill her and everyone she loved if she ever told what they did to her. For 17 years after they were done with her they kept up that threat by phone, mail and personal visits by participants. I worry constantly about her safety now that she has told their dirty little secret.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Unfortunately I experienced sexual abuse by my mother. Same effects, left me very confused. Still haven't managed to get my head around it. You should know that it doesn't matter what your orientation is. Do whatever makes you happy and that may take a long time to figure out. Are you in therapy? I'm sorry you suffered, these types of people are sick.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Damn, how did I not see this thread sooner!

I can relate so much... I was male, and at age 6-7 I was led into sexual intercourse with another male... Of all kinds..

The shitty thing is... I am wierd by sexual orientation.. realistically speaking, I'm heteroromantic, I love members of the opposite gender, and I have never kissed a guy. But, I was made to do many many things of sexual nature with him, then, and it sort of stayed with me...

I had this period when I was for some reason (which i still cannot explain to myself) seeking guys, for simply sex.. Luckily it lasted just a few months.

It, didn't go really well.

I am not sure what to think of myself. Especially for years, as gay people are often culturally alienated, and I was led into the abuse exactly by the friend-play.... Yep. I never told anyone who can legally do anything about it. I don't want anything to be legally done about it. It's shit. And just as confused as you are, maybe more.