Gender of Therapist

[grit]

Knowing what I know about myself and my progress, I am glad I have a male therapist not female therapist. My ever first therapist was a female who had zero empahty and her favourite line was I have to break you and built you back up again! GOOD BYE cause even my own mother did not succeed on that.
However, in order to balance and make sure I am not living in the past everyday, I do have a woman who runs my group therapy and she seems good and not aggressive at all.

I think it is good to try out whatever that is creating unnecessary fear.

@piratelady, you said:
I'm a female. However, I can't even fathom having a female therapist. That seems odd to me. I've seen a lot of women on this forum who prefer a female therapist which makes complete sense.

I do not know much about your past at all obviously but I think to have that deep and strong feeling, you probably disvowing your gender or sexuality for some reason. Your take here is similar to those people who are so homophobic because they are gays...you know some past politicians? Your feelings about this issue seem to imply, you are defending this very tightly and it is very close to your core...but I could be very very off base and wrong too.

There are a lot of literature about a process (I cannot remember the name) where females are confirmed with the mother because of the sameness and where boys rebel or repulse because they want to be same but know they are different during infant development. and also vice versa, where women are repulsed by the mother precisely because they are the same but the boys become repulsed or rebelled by the father and want to be more like the mother but obviously they cannot. It is not so simple process and there are a lot of other very interesting things attached to them. But the fact you are conscious of your fear about your own gender for whatever reasons is really interesting and maybe worth some exploring and may even help your relationship with your husband because it is too close to the core.

I am pulling stuff out of thin air and my butt so I am sorry if this does not make sense to you at all.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’ve had both.

My current therapist keeps things real, and doesn’t bullshit me. I like it cuz she’s just like me in that regard, and exactly what I need.

Having a female therapist also helps with relationship issues because she knows what men are like from a female perspective.

 

[mumstheword]

My best therapists have all been female, my pdoc is female, she's awesome. It's just how it's panned out. My gp is a guy. I'm kind of glad it's worked out to be mainly women because I needed healing with the feminine, my relationship with my mum and grandmothers? Not good.

 

[lux.]

I prefer female therapists. My perpetrators were all male, so I'm a lot more wary of men than women, but that's mostly just normal people. I saw a male therapist for a little while and I wasn't afraid of him or anything (it's not exactly fear...it's more like being hypervigilant around men), because he was a professional and it was a professional relationship. It worked out ok for the few months I saw him, but I never talked about my trauma. My prior therapist said that she thought that working with a man may be good for me, as it might help me to resolve some of my issues around men, which may be true. But I haven't even told my current therapist, who I've been seeing for 5 years, about my major adulthood trauma, because I'm so ashamed of it, so I think if I had to go into detail about my trauma story with a man, there would be even more reluctance and trepidation.

I don't really feel the same about a psychiatrist. I saw a male psychiatrist for something like 8 years and had no problem with it. That was before the major trauma, though, so I don't know if that would have affected the relationship. But you don't really have to go into great detail with psychiatrists, for the most part.

 

[MrMoonlight]

my idea of a man has changed a bit. I couldn't see myself opening up fully and exposing tender things to a male therapist. I sought a woman and have made a good connection. I can open up to her and lay myself bare almost+-. I have seen true compassion and love without judgement from several men and can now say I wouldn't have trouble with the gender of my therapist. It would just depend on the person and my ability to connect.

 

[Friday]

I usually prefer male therapists, mainly because I like how men tend to think. OMFG Linear, solution based, direct! Thank. f*cking. Blazes. Known a few totally badass women, too.

That follows my general preferences in life, as well, so it’s hardly any surprise. I tend to prefer the company of men. Always have. But that’s more a percentage game, than anything, because it’s about personality and traits more than anything else, and they’re more strongly grouped on the male side of the line. I’ve known a lot of great men, and a few seriously awesome chicks. Shrug.

The only trauma related piece is that -in this country- men are more likely to have first hand experience of my own trauma history, and even if not, understand my knee jerk reactions around my trauma history more. Like failing to protect or provide? Eats me alive. Failing to have been protected or provided for? I DGAF.

In other countries, the percentages move around a bit. For example, I’m far more likely to have Israeli female friends / therapists than American ones.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

for me I can only have female therapist, goes for doctors too. Psychiatrists I prefer female but often have no choice on gender.
This probably due to all of my abusers being male.

If some tried to assign or stick me with a male therapist I would have a melt down, or worse. That would be the end of that. I won't be there first time I went to the top to demand someone else.

 

[ILoveLife]

I've had both genders as therapists and psychiatrists.
Right now I prefer female, mostly because last male T hit on me and I lost trust, no other reason.

I used to prefer male company as friends, but now it's even. Progress I guess? Maybe not important.

 

[PTSD4UandME]

I'm a male and I purposefully seek out female therapists. All of my traumas were perpetrated by men, and basically any male authority figures -- especially those who have emotional authority over me, like therapists -- immediately trigger bone-deep distrust and usually a good deal of hostility in me on reflex. I couldn't imagine trusting one enough to be sufficiently vulnerable.

This is an aspect I have been wondering about a lot myself, lately. I can't tell if this approach is a reasonable reaction to my traumas and a rational or reasonably healthy solution to a problem or if it's a traumatic response that indicates a severe level of work I still have to do to become a healthier, less symptomatic person.

 

[blackemerald1]

I don't have a preference based on trauma. I have a male psydoc and female T. And a female GP. Their gender was not a factor I considered. It really was their qualifications and ability to do the job with me.