Generation After Generation...

[njray]

These are amazing family mental health history posts...

I at 48 have finally begun to really examine my families tree of issues. It is scary at times as I am still a living breathing part of it in what I call a tree in distress. I look around the branches that surround me and they may not be as straight and strong as I thought because of misinformation and lack of education. IMHO misinformation can be worse than no information at all as now I have to not only expend energy and time figuring out how to grow In a healthy and positive way I have to figure out what things I learned in the past are not healthy for me and those around me.

This is why I am now becoming a big proponent in providing information about PTSD and ADHD. If my family had been more open and accepting and not so ignorant about mental health disorders I and my offspring would not have suffered as we do. That said I am not going to keep throwing stones at previous generations as they might not have had the knowledge that is available today. There denial and refusal to address there issues is discerning but again sometimes it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks...trust me there are times I feel like an old dog..BUT then I remember I am not old and if at 48 I can learn some new positive habits even though they seem minor to others, guess what? Better for me, my kids and the planet in general.

I am finding a couple things very interesting in my quest for mental health well being which I will share in other posts but maybe in another appropriate forum heading....

Thank you all here for sharing...

 

[anthony]

That said I am not going to keep throwing stones at previous generations as they might not have had the knowledge that is available today.

That is exactly correct... 10, 15, 20 years ago... ADHD or PTSD and you were in a psychiatric institution, crazy or told to toughen up and get on with it... or worst, stuff with meds as the only solution.

Mental health still has stigma today, though a decade ago... you were outright just crazy if you mentioned you had mental health issues.

Medicine evolves and learns as it goes along... then we need society to catchup, which is usually a decade behind medicine itself.

 

[Sethe]

If your mother denies anything wrong with her side of the family, that's where you should start looking ;-). In my experience there's usually massive denial/idealisation/devaluation running in families.
Scott

Massive denial is an understatement. My uncle told me a few things about their home life that really bothered me.

 

[Sqweak]

Yeah, I think my family fits into the intergenerational abuse category. There haves been 2 murders from what I know. Some of family is either gone via jail or suicide. There is a really long history of Compulsion, physical/ mental abuse as well as a long history of depression and psychosis in my family. I’m not sure who it started with but after one of my cousin came home for Vietnam and shot himself that's kind of where it starts for me, I can't find anyone willing to go any further back then that with me. All of my uncles were alcoholics and drug users and my aunt suffers from major depression and BPD. I know that there are some others but these are just disorders of the people closest to me.

 

[Lionheart]

My grandfather served in both world wars and was given body detail. He came back with PTSD and alcoholism. My father has untreated PTSD and major depression. My mom says that she was not abused but also tells of the time her father beat the mule to death and then hooked her up to the plow to plow the fields. :confused:

I was told by my 'T" that I am a "Generational Stop" meaning the abuse stopped with me. :)

 

[njray]

Interesting points Anthony I wonder if venues like the internet are not going to (it may be doing it already) increase the speed to which changes in all health care are going to take place. Can internet based therapy replace one on one in person therapy? In my honest opinion I will say the internet is helping me because I am learning about things I did not know before at a pace and in an environment to which I can learn. Therefore I am having a greater understanding and acceptance of my issues. I would believe my chance of managing my issues should increase because of this knowledge in understanding of my ADHD and PTSD issues...

I cannot wait for new technologies to come out like video chats that use recognition software's and all the things like that. Pretty amazing stuff. I used to think it was scary but now since my use and understanding of all that is good that technology can be used for I am excited and very interested in learning about it..

 

[Sqweak]

I was told by my 'T" that I am a "Generational Stop" meaning the abuse stopped with me. :)

That's so Fantastic! Good for you Lionheart. :)My mom also has the most incredible denial but she grew up in an area where you just sucked it up. I know something bad happened. Sometimes she'll take about my grandmothers

" Boyfriends" but then she gets really angry and won't talk about it anymore.

 

[scott_1971_h]

I was told by my 'T" that I am a "Generational Stop" meaning the abuse stopped with me. :)

So am I :-). Can't IMAGINE knowing what I do and still having such majorly Fd up relationships and still thinking it's all everyone else's fault. Some people's external critic is exactly that - externalised.

 

[scott_1971_h]

That is exactly correct... 10, 15, 20 years ago... ADHD or PTSD and you were in a psychiatric institution, crazy or told to toughen up and get on with it... or worst, stuff with meds as the only solution.

Yeti was definately of the "They are weak" brigade. Everyone who had anything to do with her always ended up "weak and immature" too. She could be remarkably insightful (and vaguely amusing) at times...

 

[elizabethnueve]

Anyone else here with intergenerational abuse?

Yes. My father's mother was an alcoholic and died from cirrhosis of the liver as a result. My father has never mentioned anything about his father however, his sister described him as "a hard man." On my mother's side...my grandmother was abused severely by her mother. My mom told me that my great-grandmother whipped my grandmother's legs until they bled with a piece of barbed wire. All of that because she walked home from school with a boy.

My own mother was verbally abusive and told me that it would have been better if I had never been born. In addition, she was neglectful and basically made me work in order to "earn" the right to eat or take care of personal needs. I was made to feel bad for wanting to take care of myself. She was jealous of my talent at the piano. Although they paid for lessons for me, as I am gifted in music, she would frequently make me feel bad for practicing. My father did things to me that I won't speak of. He would beat my brother, and I can still hear the sounds of it in my head. My brother had gone to counseling when we were younger because of it all. My mother never spoke of how she was treated when she was growing up however, she shows signs of many different types of problems.

She would check to make sure the stove was turned off 2-3 times, then check to make sure every door was locked. This was followed by checking to make sure the iron was turned off. I remember the never ending cycle when we would have left the house only to turn right back around in order for her to make sure that the stove was turned off as well as the iron. Throughout my entire life at home, she would fly into rages, and she would rant for what seemed like forever. When she would rant, she would continue to repeat the same things over and over again. The ranting would go on for a minimum of 45 minutes to an hour. She just would never stop. Also, I have never seen my mom in a T-shirt, as she doesn't own any. She simply will not wear them, and I don't know why.

She wants everything covered. Whenever I had a need, such as being thirsty or hungry, I was made to feel bad for this. She never played with any of us as she could never seem to sit still. She always, always had to be working, doing church work...anything except spend time with us as children. You never knew with my mom what kind of mood she was going to be in. Very explosive and very vindictive at times. Nobody was ever invited to our house, and I was never allowed to date. Very controlling, very abusive environment. I'm remembering that after my grandparents were both dead, and my two uncles were left at the house, they never wanted to even have a lamp turned on in the house. It's like they didn't want to be discovered or let anyone know that they were there.

One of these uncles is a hoarder. The house is now filled up with so much stuff that it is you literally have to wade your way through the tunnel that he has created. Boxes are stacked upon boxes and nothing is ever thrown away because 'it may be useful one day'. I remember seeing my two uncles fighting, and one of them throwing an iron pot at the other. Avoidance was a way of life, as it quickly became this way in the home I grew up in. My grandfather died because both him and my grandmother had been arguing. During the winter, he developed pneumonia because he sat inside an old car outside in order to avoid an argument in the house. He stayed out there all day even though it was freezing outside. All I ever saw my two grandparents do was fight and argue.

 

[NightKitten]

Wow,
I feel like I am "home" so to speak. Both my parents had issues in their families that extended back to their parents that have come to haunt my family growing up. I always suspected that all those movies about happy family lives were a crock. Abusive father and grandfather, mother molested by godfather, greatgrandmother and a son killed themselves, alcoholic uncles, cousin and half-sister who ran away from home and lived on the streets...yep they're all in the family tree.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Yes, definitely the case her too.

My mother, physically abusive father, sexually abusive brother, then the Spanish civil war. Father killed in the war, mother died of TB, mother ended up being brainwashed by nuns when she wanted to become a nun herself.

My Father, well very weird unsociable person. Domineering, controlling father, who was probably abusive My grandmother was like a mouse. My uncle was physically abusive to his partners.

I'm sure I could trace the abuse back generations. I know my dad's father was abandoned by his dad when he was 2, his mother went on to have other children by other father's but she was never married to them. And my granddad was looked after by his grandmother, not his mother.

I just want the cycle to stop.