The saying is you need to "get back up on the horse when you get bucked off." Some well-meaning person long time ago made that up...something about getting back on the horse so you don't develop a fear of riding once you were bucked off, or so I was told the saying meant this. I wonder if they knew about PTSD?
I walked into a grocery store about a month ago in a neighborhood I really don't like to be shopping in. My friend needed some item and didn't want to pay the high rates other chains charged for it. As we walked in the front door, there were two young (maybe 5 and 8) boys trying to sale some items they had. It was about 8:30 at night on a school night. My friend and I decided to let the security guard know they were outside the store....okay....she was going to tell the security guard as guards and police are triggers for me.
We walked through the automatic doors when I saw a teenage boy raise a gun and something zinged by my head sticking to the window of the door. Guns....another trigger. Thankfully it was a sticky dart gun, but I didn't know that when he raised it and shot it. I also was already on edge from the thought of the security guard. I stepped closer to my friend, and my primary supporter, who was clueless anything had happened. I was trembling and on hyper alert. She went to let the security guard know about the children while I watched the teenager leave the building.
A few minutes later as I was walking down the aisle, begging my friend to hurry as I needed out of there, the security guard came jogging up to us to let us know the children had been told to go home. I fought everything not to take off running.
THREE WEEKS LATER
"You have to return to the store with me!" said my supporter friend. "NO....no....and no." We had just had our sister supper and she needed to pick up milk from the same store we had gone to a few weeks prior. "You need to desensitize to the place, so you don't have more phobia to shopping places. Get back up on the horse as they say...ou know your therapist would recommend going." Sigh. She was right, but it didn't make it any easier.
All went okay while we were getting what she needed; however, when we went to walk out the store doors the security alarms went off and the security guard came running in the doors. I froze. I don't remember how or when we made it to the parking lot by my friend's car. I do remember her asking if she could hug me and I actually allowed it. I was trembling and fighting the urge to disassociate. When she hugged me, I started crying. I rarely am able to cry and it frightened me. I then realized I was super angry. Finally, I realized I was just suffering from fight or flight adrenaline. My stomach started hurting and the shaking continued. My sister led me into her car and turned the radio up, so I didn't hear the sirens going by on the road.
It turns out the security guard had accidentally triggered the alarms trying to lock up a particular door, but my body and brain didn't know that. I told her maybe we could wait awhile before returning again to the store. A few years will be fine by me!
I walked into a grocery store about a month ago in a neighborhood I really don't like to be shopping in. My friend needed some item and didn't want to pay the high rates other chains charged for it. As we walked in the front door, there were two young (maybe 5 and 8) boys trying to sale some items they had. It was about 8:30 at night on a school night. My friend and I decided to let the security guard know they were outside the store....okay....she was going to tell the security guard as guards and police are triggers for me.
We walked through the automatic doors when I saw a teenage boy raise a gun and something zinged by my head sticking to the window of the door. Guns....another trigger. Thankfully it was a sticky dart gun, but I didn't know that when he raised it and shot it. I also was already on edge from the thought of the security guard. I stepped closer to my friend, and my primary supporter, who was clueless anything had happened. I was trembling and on hyper alert. She went to let the security guard know about the children while I watched the teenager leave the building.
A few minutes later as I was walking down the aisle, begging my friend to hurry as I needed out of there, the security guard came jogging up to us to let us know the children had been told to go home. I fought everything not to take off running.
THREE WEEKS LATER
"You have to return to the store with me!" said my supporter friend. "NO....no....and no." We had just had our sister supper and she needed to pick up milk from the same store we had gone to a few weeks prior. "You need to desensitize to the place, so you don't have more phobia to shopping places. Get back up on the horse as they say...ou know your therapist would recommend going." Sigh. She was right, but it didn't make it any easier.
All went okay while we were getting what she needed; however, when we went to walk out the store doors the security alarms went off and the security guard came running in the doors. I froze. I don't remember how or when we made it to the parking lot by my friend's car. I do remember her asking if she could hug me and I actually allowed it. I was trembling and fighting the urge to disassociate. When she hugged me, I started crying. I rarely am able to cry and it frightened me. I then realized I was super angry. Finally, I realized I was just suffering from fight or flight adrenaline. My stomach started hurting and the shaking continued. My sister led me into her car and turned the radio up, so I didn't hear the sirens going by on the road.
It turns out the security guard had accidentally triggered the alarms trying to lock up a particular door, but my body and brain didn't know that. I told her maybe we could wait awhile before returning again to the store. A few years will be fine by me!
