Getting Committed? (uk)

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I have reached the stage on and off where I've thought I should be in hospital. Of the three times I've very seriously considered it, one time I only really wanted to know if I was allowed to be committed. Yes I am aware it's not something one should want, however I felt so unstable in myself I really thought it would be for the better. At that time, I spoke with a number of organisations and with the last one, finally managed to get a straight answer from someone - Yes, I should go to a hospital. Once they'd said that, they were in fact very insistent, despite their previous avoidance of the subject.

I know I'm pretty much in the same position I was in then and still want to know, if I'm at risk of serious self-harm but not actually self-harming yet, would I get committed or would I just be seen, calmed and sent back home?

Right now I'm lucky that I'm in a place where I feel safe, but the fear of going home is giving me so many problems that I have got close to self-harming here. When I do go home (which I have to do unfortunately) I know that if I remain in my current state of mind that I will be at risk of, if not actually harming myself. Very probably quite severely.

At the moment I have been left high and dry by the NHS and have no support whatsoever. AWOL Social Worker and still on that emergency waiting list for therapy - which I've just been informed that my position has been temporarily, indefinitely deferred. I've been told I can phone the duty team for help (but they never really are) or the crisis team in more of an emergency and have been recommended to make use of such services as the Samaritans and NAPAC (National Association for People Abused in Childhood). The problem is I have enormous fears over using the phone and the chances that I will actually phone anyone if in such a state is far less likely than following the impulse of trying to very much hurt myself.

If I phoned up the crisis team in a state like this would the be likely to commit me (which whilst I'm afraid of, I believe may be better) or would I have to be actually self-harming or suicidal? That's not to say that I would be more likely to self-harm to get committed as I'm close enough to doing it already. To be entirely honest if my Mum hadn't done a professional waxing course and didn't insist on waxing my legs and armpits I would be doing it already and would have been for some time. I just don't want her to see it, although that's bothering me less and less, I don't really care any more I just want to cause pain to myself, I just want the relief however temporary, I just want a moment of distilled clarity.

I feel unstable in every possible sense, I feel that I could and will lose control at any moment and if I didn't have the grounding that I have by being here, I would be in a terrible state on so many levels. I just don't know if I meet the requirements to getting committed which seems like a safer and more practical route to take rather than harming myself so strongly as I feel I will or if there are other options. If I get a fraction worse I can't wait any longer, I know it's not fair on others but I've been through desperate and desperate and now I've reached this. I need help.

To be honest asking this seems a bit silly as by the time I get home I should imagine that I will self-harm, therefore rendering the question of am I entitled to being committed if I'm not self-harming irrelevant. I suppose by asking it's a security net to know if I scream this loudly I will finally be heard. I'm in a crisis state many times per day or consistently, the worse I am the less likely I am to ask for help - I realise this makes things worse but when things are bad and I ask for help I'm met with no help whatsoever and abandoned to a failing system. I'm screaming and it's not that no one can here me, it's that no one's listening.

I don't know. Either way. Sorry and thanks in advance.

 

[amethist]

If you feel so strongly about self harming Kas, then do phone the crisis team and tell them. I know they are not always ready to listen and help out, but it is a step you should take.

The other one which you may or may not know about, it to phone the police and tell them. As far as I know they can fast track you for help, though I am not 100% sure about it. I was told to do that myself if my husband became suicidal and could not get any help from any where else. I have been told they are very understanding in these cases.

Or could you take yourself to your local A&E department, explaining to them how you are feeling right now.

I hope you find the help and support you so desperately need.

 

[Abstract]

Sadly I think the most reliable way to ensure you would be taken in would be if someone else reports that you are a risk to yourself. It seems hit and miss other than that. Many people who routinely self harm don't get committed. I hope this doesn't make you more despondent. I would just hate you for to find the courage and not be prepared for all eventualities.

I really do hope you go ahead and tell someone that you are at risk and I hope they listen. Have you got a friend who could phone on your behalf?

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I would just hate you for to find the courage and not be prepared for all eventualities.

This is exactly what I am afraid of as in that state I believe I will take it incredibly badly, the thing is I wouldn't dream of asking of hoping for this at any other point, it is sheer desperation that drives me. I just hope I don't take going home so badly as I fear. The guy I spoke with at the Samaritans the other day said I should not only remain in contact with them (and recommended that they phone me, however I whilst I thought the idea was good I found it intimidating), he also said that the first thing I should do when I get home is phone them. He was actually the one who drew my attention not to the fact that I was scared of going home, but to the severity of the fear I have.

If you feel so strongly about self harming Kas

Usually mood cycles are slow weekly and monthly things, at the moment I seem to be going between being pretty much ok, even happy at some points to very, very distressed many times per day and battling with the urge to self harm and feeling no hope. Right now I appear to be infinitely better than I was when typing this post, but it would be about the 7th time in the past 24 hours. What's keeping me ok and making me happy is my location and the people I'm with, returning home means going back to the places I was abused and is filled with bad memories. I think the mood swings are mostly caused by the fear of the inevitability of returning home, where I do have my mum and sisters and they do care. But she has stopped me from going in to the hospital before because she's scared. I know she's scared for me and because she doesn't want me to be so upset, but her fears of that I am bad sometimes make me worse. I don't want to tell my sisters completely as they are younger and whilst of an age where they could cope, I don't want to put that stress or responsibility on them.

The problem is I would rather the choice was in my hands because I neither wish to burden others and because when I have no control of anything around me, I would like to have some remaining dignity.

Like I say, I feel much better at this precise moment in time, but I know that the return of this level of dread will be with in a few hours. I just hope that this up and down-ness stops before I return home and I can manage to retain some even keel, though even in my currently better state of mind, I fear that return and what it will bring. It should be noted that is the same for all of this thread - it goes more for when I get home that for when I am here.

 

[amethist]

These people may be able to help you Kas.

http://www.mind.org.uk/

If you look top right there is a button for urgent help.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I've been essentially given the Samaritans phone number as my primary source of care, but they in turn, whilst not rejecting my cry, have recommended I try NAPAC (National Association for People Abused in Childhood). I have also used Mental Health Matters previously and although the woman was nice enough, she was entirely clueless. MIND's Suggestion is to phone 999 if you're thinking of harming or suicide, but I don't think of it, it just sort of arises in a dissociated state. But I will try to. I don't have ANY coping strategies.

I was just getting a glass of water in the kitchen and spent several minutes holding a knife, initially running my finger over the blade, I then froze and just stared at it for a long while, luckily it was an incredibly blunt knife which made me decide to find a sharper one before realising what I was doing. That wasn't even that bad, but it's just another incident. See mostly I doubt they even exist or I'm just overplaying it in my mind, or it's a few incidents that feel like a hundred. It's rarely planned, I just see it and think that it's a good idea. I'm worried that on my way home I might just step out in front of the train instead of getting on it. Or I might be walking and decide to jump off a cliff. It's impulsivity that scares me too.

I feel lost and confused. I want help, I need help, I went and asked for help, I'm still waiting. I got a social worker who is as good as he can be I think, for a social worker, but he is just a stepping stone. I asked to up my sessions nearly two months ago to fortnightly because I was struggling and I've not seen him since. I just want it all to stop.

 

[Abstract]

Kas, this is a bit off topic but I am assuming you are not in London. ? Have you applied to all trauma focused charities within reach of where you are? I was given really long waiting times but then found somewhere that I only had to wait 3 weeks for. It may not be the exact place you want long term but may act as a holding ground. I realise it doesn't solve the immediate problem.

With the immediate issue I think you need to be clear that you are at risk when dissociated and on impulse.

 

[Femaleptsd]

Hi,

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. If I can tell you more about my experiences, it might help you?

I was sectioned (in the uk) about 18 months ago and then went as an informal patient about 7 months later. I was only informal the second time because I was told by the psychiatrist if I didn't agree, they would go ahead and section me.

Both times I had a specific plan and means of suicide and I was kept in until that had passed. If I'm honest, hospital was a really bad experience for me - seeing so many people in trouble, alarms going off for people who became threatening etc mixed with having nothing to do all day and night, it was horrendous.

I've had 2 unsuccessful suicide attempts in the past and both times I had to be seen by the psychiatric department but neither time was I admitted to the ward.

Many a&e departments do have liaison teams from psychiatry department and they are there to assess you and see what help they can offer to get you through a crisis. Like someone else mentioned, self harming rarely leads to being detained because for most people self harm isn't suicidal.

I really hope you can get the help you need. Crisis (or home treatment teams) can be good to get you over a crisis and help you work out some intial distraction techniques to try.

Not sure if I've been any help, but if you want to ask any questions, please feel free to x

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

If I could cut any where right now it would be my brain. Hidden and private, the cause of all of this and the only part of me that needs it. I don't want to self-harm. I don't want to cut. I don't want to be addicted. I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to draw attention. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to express myself that way. I don't want the scars. I don't want the blood. I don't want any of it, although I wouldn't mind the pain. I just want to sleep. I just want to not feel what I do feel and to feel what I don't/can't.

I want a hug but don't know how to ask for one and yet I'm repulsed by the idea as well. I am tired. I wish I could cry, maybe it would make room for something else. I haven't cried since the flashbacks started. I wish I could scream. I've never screamed. I wish I could do something other than bottle it all up and hold it all in. I wish it was all over and that I didn't have to wake up and live another day of it and I wish my nights weren't filled with night terrors and bad dreams. I wish I could feel warm again.

 

[cherryblossom]

My experience of the mental health system in the UK, both as a patient and as a medic, is that it is very unlikely you will be given any in patient treatment at the moment.

My experience is that you have to be seriously psychotic to be sectioned. At least that seems to be the case in the area that I live.

However, it is clear that you need more support and help. I would strongly suggest you speak again to your GP and social worker as soon as possible. Unfortunately you might have to make a nuisance of yourself. Keep calling, keep asking - explain how scared you are. If you have a friend or relative who could also call on your behalf, that might help your case. Mental health is massively under-funded in the NHS, which is appalling in my opinion, which it leaves many people scared and vulnerable.

Although not the most appropriate place, A&E is an option (and sometimes the only option) if you feel at risk of self harm. You don't have to call 999 to go there, you can self-present. During the day time, you will likely see someone from the psych team who may be able to fast track some help for you. At night, you will likely be kept in until the morning when you can see someone from the psych team. I really don't recommend A&E as the best route (as they are incredibly busy and don't have the best facilities to care for mental health issues). However, if you have exhausted every other option, and you in a crisis, then sometimes it's the only option. At least you will be safe from self harm while you are there, and you should get to see someone who is qualified to help.

The Samaritans are also generally very good. So if you can manage to make the call, you may find it helpful.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Have you applied to all trauma focused charities within reach of where you are?

I'm sure there must be some, but I haven't found any. But I suppose I should look again. I'm agoraphobic and I can't drive, which severely limits my range. I shall look properly. I just can't really cope with looking right now.

If I'm honest, hospital was a really bad experience for me - seeing so many people in trouble, alarms going off for people who became threatening etc

I don't think I even really want to go there, I just want to know that if I get worse than I am that there is someone I can call, somewhere I can go and yet I don't want to.


I don't want to self-harm and I don't want to be admitted. I want help I want it all to stop. If it gets worse or if I don't have the ups that I have from being here and the spiral sinks again, if I get the sinking pit of despair I get when I'm at home I'm scared. I don't know whether some extreme isolation will help a lot or if it will make it way worse. I don't know what to do. I don't want any of this. I'm scared and tired.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I would strongly suggest you speak again to your GP and social worker as soon as possible.

I haven't seen a GP at my practice since I changed away from my father's GP nearly a year ago, except a student doctor in an emergency, they claimed to have lost my medical records and then later admitted they never lost. I have no contact, rapport or history with a GP. My social worker is off from work for the foreseeable future and his work has currently not been picked up by anyone else. It's not that I don't want the help, it's not that I've not sought it out and outright asked for it stating how shit I'm doing - it's that there appears to be a no help available and a general lack of care and concern.

Keep calling, keep asking - explain how scared you are.

I'm phobic of the phone. Very literally. The phone rings I panic, my heart wrenches out of place and I feel sick, I curl up and hide. I don't know why. When it comes to making calls I avoid it at every possible cost because I find it awkward and don't know how to deal - for example when I finally in a fit of desperation called the Samaritans, I forgot how I was feeling as if I'd never felt bad in the slightest, it was like I was a completely different person. It was a waste of their time (though that's not what they said) however it was a pointless, though fairly reassuring exercise. That level of badgering and making a nuisance of myself scares me in principal. I'll see if someone will do it for me if it gets to that stage. I just don't know. I think maybe I should even seek help before I go back, but I can just about manage this, when I get back I don't know. I may just end up loosing loads of time and spend my days dissociating interspersed with migraines, sleep and flashbacks.

Maybe I'm in a panic. I should probably try and calm down. But it keeps coming back since Tuesday now. I don't know. I feel dizzy and sick.