Girlfriend Misses The Fun Drinking Times

[SGT Bilko]

Well as many of you may know by now, I have quit drinking. I don't feel like a true alcoholic who craves the drink, I'm really indiffrent to it. I have a glass of wine at a nice resturant and thats about it.

When I met my girlfriend I was 22 and She was 20. Now she is 22 and i'm 24. She is by no means ready to stop going out to the local college bars and party where I need to stop drinking because it's not good for my PTSD. I don't know what to do because we had fun 90% of the time when I drank. When I drank too much though I had bigtime flashbacks. Now we are having problems because one of the foundations of our relationship was going out and having fun with alcohol.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Yes, that can be a bummer to deal with. Especially when she feels the need to drink, and you know that you can't.

There has to be another way for you two, to build on your relationship without the booze. What hobbies do you both like, or common interest do you have together???? If you don't have any together, it may be time to start talking about your interest and expanding on them together..

Good luck!!!!

 

[midi]

Drinking is so ingrained in our society that it is very hard to get away from. To leave it behind - not many do, and so, things change when you do... When I left Dr. Ex, we were both using drugs regularly and never went without a drink. Boozing was an integral part of our relationship - and it still is a main thread of his life.

Maybe you can do what She Cat suggested. I hope that your relationship does survive past the booze issue! May things work out for you!

 

[SGT Bilko]

I'm going to go get drunk right now with some vet buddies. I'm writing this totally sober. I'm about to make a bad choice. :( Sorry to everyone I absolutely know I'm letting down. As I write this I'm semi trying to talk myself down. First off, I'm going to get drunk with a bunch of vets. The only rule is of course no guns allowed. This never ends well. As stupid and gay as this sounds (No offense to the gays! I Love you guys so I probably shouldn't use that word like that) but we all usualy end up as sobbing messes at one point. So to everyone I will post tomorrow!


"Let he who is perfect cast the first stone" - Jesus Christ

 

[her_indoors43]

:occasion:Good luck mate...have fun with your vet mates. Why don't you only take so much money with you so you can't go on a total blinder? :doh:When you get to being a sobbing mess log on to the forum mate so we can see how bad you type when you're drunk :thumbs-up Hit the post party room...we might keep you out of trouble till dawn and you're sober.:dontknow:



Cheers sgt...:occasion: enjoy yourself mate.

 

[Vickym]

Sgt Bilko,

There must be other things the two of you have done in your relationship other than drink. Drinking doesn't make a relationship at least not a healthy one.

The two of you are still young. For you, you have to change your lifestyle to make things such as your ptsd a little easier to deal with. As for her thats a choice she has to make either to move forward in that direction with you or stay behind. Only you can decide whats best for you.

My bf doesn't drink only once in a blue moon and its only a beer or a glass of wine. I have never seen him drink to get drunk. He used to before I met him and he left that life behind. It only made his ptsd worse. Lots of flashbacks and then he couldn't stop thinking about then when he was sober so he would drink more. Alcohol is a depressant. I used to be able to drink a bottle of red cat but out respect for him I have two un opened bottles. I don't want to open that door for him. Not to mention when a person is on meds its not a good choice.

People can have fun and live without it. Best of luck to you!

Vicky

 

[Deleted member 541]

Yes, drinking is a coping skill, a lousy one. There are healthier ways to cope, you just have to explore the options, and choose one that works for you......

I for one, would NEVER encourage someone with PTSD to drink, I have been on the drinking end of things and no first hand the damage it can cause.

The only one that you are letting down....Is yourself.......

 

[fin]

I just want to say straight off the bat..I am NOT throwing stones at you please know that.



I would just say I have kind of been there too, when I was younger, I thought it helped me, I thought it gave me confidence, it gave me none of those things you think it might do. Even if your gf is ok with it at the moment, it wont last long, what happens when she wants to drink all the time? At home perhaps, what happens if you two get together and she wants to drink al the time with the baby?

You need to communicate with her now in my opinion. I would like to encourage you to talk to your gf, she maybe has some issues that she feels she needs to drink through, in which case it would be better perhaps to know now. Because long term you are doing her no favors going along with it if that is the case. If she has some issues you can help her get some help. BUT if she doesn't but knows you have some and that drink is an issue for you, then how much is she prepared to give up to be with you perhaps?

Or even how much are you prepared to give up for your own well being?

Because if you know you have a problem with this and are still going to have a problem with it then perhaps you need to rethink what is good for you in the long run.

And I would like to say this to you now, I believe that if you two can't have fun any other way than with alcohol then you have a problem BIG TIME!! Now this is my opinion but please stop and think now about yourself. You have a responsibility to yourself first.

I have also sat opposite someone who's job it was to take care of me and be my support, the day after drinking himself I would say into a pretty bad state he could not even focus on me, he was highly aggitated etc, and he was there to HELP ME!!! . It oouzed from his pores, it smelt bad, he smelt bad, he had bloodshot eyes, swollen face...he looked like shit and this was his job!!! I also have another friend who has been warned at work about *weekend partying*, because again open pores just vapores of booze ....it is not good and again position of authority. I would like to say that neither of these people are just occassional drinkers.

Now if you both know you can drink and it is no problem then cool, some people can drink and it is no problem, but what you are describing it doesnt sound that way. I know I would have no problem being around drink now, I have this part of me pretty much under control and have done for years and I understand my limitations on this also.






But if someone I loved didn't give a shit about me having a problem with something and more than did it anyway-flaunted it regardless of whether I struggled with it, then I would think twice about how much they cared for me. And I would suggest you think about how much you care for her if you are enabling her in something so destructive to her but also to you.

Of course this could all be an overreaction on my part, I do not know you so please I say to you- take what you need from this and leave the rest. Only you know what your situation is, and only you can decide. I am not trying to preach abstinence here. BUT anything taken to an extreme is bad news.

Both of you need to get an idea of what it is you have waiting for you perhaps. You have said you have big tme flashbacks and while drunk...what happens when this al gets out of control.

Begin to manage now please, begin to learn to cope with your life with PTSD for you now, because it wont matter about her at all if you go down this road too far.
THIS is not meant to sound harsh I am trying to keep it a little more real for you.

Please take care of you