Relationship Girlfriend Of Combat Veteran With Ptsd

[dulcia]

Today has been one of the not so good days. My army man had some serious things to deal with this mornin...

Girl! My SO is army with combat PTSD and we recently moved apart due to work too. Our situations sound similar -- although I am usually the jealous one. I struggle with anxiety a bit too, especially when it comes to our relationship, and I think being farther away makes it worse because it means being glued to the phone. When I have a hard time giving space, I come here :)

 

[ATC]

Hey guys its good to see that a lot of people are going through this, I knew I wasn't crazy. I have been with my boyfriends for 5+ years we met at out middle school and didn't speak until after he and his wife had a baby. They ended up divorcing and we started just talking. Great guy, we spoke for months and we had our 1st date in which he brought his daughter who I am now raising she was 9 months at the time. Her mother is the closest thing to a deadbeat. So, time passed and he did mention things he had done and didn't want to, I am not going to judge anyone for something that they are pretty much forced to do. We were happy for a while we moved into our own place and it's been and up and down battle. At 1st we didn't think it was PTSD, in the last year he was diagnosed and he started therapy and for a while, he was great, once he stopped going on one of his episodes things got worse. He shuts down, breaks things, shakes, can't sleep, disconnected, distant from his daughter and me. Never abusive yet not loving or sweet. I can't recall the last time HE actually came and hugged or kissed me without me asking. Sex life is non-existent, we argue a lot. Does not help much around the house, cause he forgets and it just becomes too much. He gets paranoid and thinks people are following him to the point where he can't go out. He has finally gone back to the VA and was told he got worse, they gave him some medication and he will start therapy again. Halleluja. I really hope this works cause I am losing my mind, the lack of affection and attention alone can drive someone insane. BTW I am only 26 he is 27 this isn't the way we saw our lives. Hoping for the best!!! I would write more but I should get back to work !

 

[Firkus]

I can relate.

Having a very similar situation, I cannot offer any answers. I can only share in what yo...

Thank you! I just started seeing a guy who struggles but I'm so new to this. I have issues of my own so I thought it was my own insecurities. I'm glad to know that it's okay to just let him go through it "alone" because even for the week we've been talking, I've experienced his mental trauma. I'm not sure if this will turn into something serious but I'm glad to know I can let the pressure come off me and there's nothing i can do except show love when he IS open.

 

[Jesse's Girl]

Hi, so I've been in a relationship with him for over a year, and I feel lost. I wake up in the morning, a...

I'm sorry about what you're going through or were going through seeing as this post was a few years ago. I am currently in a relationship with a combat who served 2 years and recently went through a divorce. The first month and a half was pure bliss! We were on cloud 9. He would text me sweet good things and see me every day. Now, only 5 months later, he is constantly pushing me away and I only see him maybe once a week if I'm lucky. When I would see him before i had his undecided affection, now I'm lucky if he stops playing his game along enough to notice I'm there. I try to talk about it but to him it's just me "complaining about one more thing he does wrong "But that's not the case. I dont want to lose him but I'm worried every day he will chose to not be with me anymore.... what can I do??

 

[Snowflakes]

@Jesse's Girl Welcome. I hope your combat vet is getting help through the VA system. Yes, pushing away (isolating), playing video games, and not wanting to talk when you do can seem a bit scary and threatening to your new relationship. You asked what to do. You can realize that you're not alone, all of us her have traveled or are traveling down the same road as you. Read all our stories so you'll have a better idea what your vet is going through and how you can cope should you decide to stay in the relationship. Get on the home page here and read about the "Stress Cup" Ask questions in new threads so we can give you specific answers to specific questions that come up for you.

Some coping skills are necessary such as learning not to take things personally. Also learning that giving your vet space and time when he needs to be alone is a loving act by you. Learn to set boundaries for you. PTSD is not an excuse to mistreat you so the boundaries are important. Living with a PTSD sufferer has been described as a roller coaster ride or walking a tightrope over a lion cage. This is true but your vet is suffering and you'll need to learn coping skills to manage. It is doable.

Finally, you'll never walk alone here. I've been married to my C-PTSD sufferer for 10 years and it's been very difficult for me. But arriving here several months ago and taking the suggestions here given lovingly by others have made my life much better. Take care.

 

[Sighs]

Hi and welcome. I suggest starting your own thread. You may get more responses. Also read around the supporters forums - especially the video series which I think is at the top of the Supporters Relationship thread.