Relationship Girlfriend Of Combat Veteran With Ptsd

[JM318]

this thread has been a wonderful light in a tunnel of darkness this past week. My boyfriend is a combat veteran w...

Ashleigh,

I totally understand and I'm going through the same. I looked into support groups myself.... I am happy with this website knowing that I'm not alone, but I'm hesitant about support groups because I talked about it with my therapist and she doesn't think the ones I looked into would help me at all. She said some are not focused directly on combat PTSD. I start my second therapy session tonight (3 altogether but twice since this current "break") he had a breakdown on 7/17 and haven't heard much from him since and he started therapy on 7/26. I think therapy helps me to get what I'm feeling out. To speak with someone who specializes in PTSD and is not biased is comforting because she gives me good insights and helps me to cope and understand how he is feeling and how I can support him. Best of luck.

Joanna

 

[M.........]

Please someone give me advice. I don't know if I should wait around or try to move on. He says he doesn't want anything to do with me right now but I am hoping it will change. I love him and the boys so much. I just want to help him.

 

[JM318]

Please someone give me advice. I don't know if I should wait around or try to move on. He says he...

I would try posting your story on a new thread, I think you will get the responses you are looking for there.

 

[M.........]

I would try posting your story on a new thread, I think you will get the responses you are looking for th...

Thanks!

 

[Jade90]

Hello,
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. He served three tours one in Afghanistan two in Iraq. We have had our fair shares of ups and downs. Recently if he gets in a bad and I haven't been around him or said anything to put him in that mood but he will blame it on me some sort of way or say that I'm adding to it. I have moved 2.5 hours away about 4 months ago now, so we don't see each other as often. We take turns making the drive every other weekend.

When I don't tell him my every move I'm screwing around on him or I'm being shady but he doesn't usually tell me his every move and if I just ask what he's doing more often than not he gets frustrated because I'm asking to many questions and I'm told I know where he is (which usually is at a cigar shop in the town which he lives). Now it's not all bad, I love him so much and we have an unreal connection with each other. And there are days that I just couldn't imagine being without him. Then there are days like today where he is frustrated and for what ever reason I'm part of the cause of this frustration.

Today
I told him that I was hearing a noise on my new car that I've had for a total of three days now and I was going to Nissan. I told him when I left Nissan but I didn't tell him of the two stops I had made in between leaving there and coming home. In this time he was watching the bama game and doesn't usually say much when it's on so I just left him alone and made my stop by a gym that was wanting to inquire about and I ran by this tattoo shop I've been wanting to stop at. He got frustrated with me and accused me of sleeping with the guys at Nissan and said that I was being shady. In the process of me texting him back he says not to come down tomorrow because he doesn't want to see me.

He has great days then he has days like this and I've been working a lot of hours lately and haven't been able to talk to him as much during the day as I normally would and I know that plays into it as well. He wants to marry me, I want to marry him. We are both deeply in love, it's just sometimes the bad days really get to me. I've done so much research on ptsd and I know that I have to keep my graces about me and I'm not supposed to let it get to me and I have to be strong. Some days it's just so hard and I have those nights where I just break down and think why am I taking this? I've been in abusive relationships before physically and mentally abusive. He has never put his hands on me not once, and we both have safe words that we use in case we need to pause a conversation.

I guess what I want to know is how do some of you do this without losing yourself?

I'm not a weak woman by any means and I'm not a pushover. I have to stop myself from saying things sometimes to keep him from totally loosing it. His thing lately has been " I'm not putting up with your crap, if you want to continue on with this then find someone else I'm done." This was for me asking him to keep his son a little longer this Sunday I don't get to see him very often and I had been asking him over the last week to say something to his ex wife about keeping him a few extra hours. He said that she probably already made plans.

Now if he didn't want his son to know me then he wouldn't allow us to face time or for him to talk on the phone with me. His son is two by the way. I also have one son and he is seven, and Adam happens to be really good with him. They butt heads sometimes simply because he and I were raised differently he is from a much stricter house hold than I am. So we have issues with certain things every now and again. But for the most part they get along fine. Anyway I'm beginning to ramble on.

Does anyone have any advice on how they deal with this type of behavior from my ptsd vet?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hypervig can stir up jealousy, not to mention trust issues. It doesn't excuse it, but it may explain it. He's over the top with it by the sound of it though.

Sometime, before it's a heated discussion, you guys need to talk about trust. Him being protective is one thing... him accusing you of sleeping with the guys at Nissan is another. That's insulting to you.

 

[Jeanneofthebottle]

I'm not even sure where to start with my situation. I met him 28 years ago and he was already a Vietnam Vet but had not gone there until 1972, when it was towards the very end. I did not meet him until he was 34 and all throughout that time he had been in the reserves. We were together for five years until I had to break it off because of infidelity. We did not see each other nor speak to each other until just April 2015. All the feelings I had for him rushed right back up and I was surprised at the fact that he was single.

Since 9/11/01, he had been put back into active duty and saw his fair share of war. He only shares that he's seen too much. He never showed signs of PTSD until the first night we shared a bed and he tossed and turned. I was afraid to reach out to him and calm him and rightfully so. Sometime during the night, he punched my arm while he was asleep. He apologized profusely and just explained that he always had trouble sleeping and just far too combat experience. I figured he had some PTSD but I never figured it was this bad. Since that night, he has kept me at an arm's length emotionally. Doesn't want to get too close but won't quite let go completely. Just recently, he disappeared. Didn't call or text, nothing. I got so worried that something had happened to him and no one let me know. We are on opposite sides of the country so it's not like I can just jump in my car and see him. Just today I got a phone call from him. I was so upset and negative towards him. He wouldn't tell me why and kept evading the questions I was asking him. He finally admitted that he had been having some very bad thoughts and he had to just step away.

I adore this man but I'm not sure he can offer himself emotionally. He's 62 years old and I hope he never loses his passion for flying since I believe that is the one thing that keeps him semi-grounded. How do I support him? My dad suffered from PTSD as well and it was very tough to live with him. We were always fighting and I don't want that kind of life again with a man that I love.

 

[Jade90]

I look at these remarks and can see what damage a person like does to others. Just an insight, the r...

I don't know what it feels like to go what you went through. I don't understand how you feel or what thoughts may be going through your head. Just know that someone cares very deeply for you, and yes it's hard to be with someone with PTSD. It's emotionally exhausting at times but those who really love you don't ever lose faith in you. You're not disposable, you matter what you went through matters. Try not to let your thoughts get the best of you. Hang in there I wish you the best.

 

[Jade90]

Hi all. I just started dating a navy veteran. I have always stayed away from dating military men when I was younger. W...

I have been with my army vet for over a year now. Yes it's hard sometimes, it can feel like nothing you do or say is right. But if you really care for this man then you have to be patient and do all the research that you possibly can on PTSD from the very beginning.

They think differently than someone who doesn't have PTSD and there can be many different triggers for him. You need to learn what they are and do what you can to avoid them. Be understanding of him, always let him know that he is wanted and cared for.

Adam and I both have safe words for when we feel an argument is getting to heated, we step away and then discuss the problem later when the other one is ready. If you feel that he may be the one, don't lose hope and it helps to have someone that you can talk to when you're feeling concerned.

I hope this helps you.

 

[Jade90]

Maybe someone can shed some light on my situation...
I recently meant this man on and online dating site. We had a lot in...

PTSD doesn't define a person, if you think that this will go somewhere my advice to you would be to do all the research that you can. Read everything that you can find on every aspect of PTSD. Educate yourself on how to deal with different situations that y'all may be placed in in the future. It seems from the outside looking in that he is on the road to recovering. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Jade90]

Today has been one of the not so good days. My army man had some serious things to deal with this morning, his PTSD has been on the high setting all day. It doesn't help that my anxiety has also been high today. He's been short and agitated with me when we have talked other then when he called to tell me some good news this morning after the things he to deal with we're finally over. Just gonna try and give him space for the rest of the day and hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

 

[dulcia]

When he gets angry with me he throws that in my face- that I should know what I'm doing because of my degree but that in a complete idiot who can't seem to "get it" after 2 years.

You're not alone in this. When my SO is mad, he mocks my education, as well.