It's been such a mix. We adopted her in December and right before the adoption (she's also blind) she mentioned she had PTSD and only had nightmares.
It was wonderful for two months. She had her first Christmas with us. But Oh God did she hold things back! In the past three months its all come out. To put it mildly, my wife and I are reeling from one tragedy to another.
Four weeks ago she introduced me as "the best Dad in the world" and four weeks later I drove past her apartment (it turn out she was being moved to a transitional facility) and she took out a restraining order against me that was filled with....well very nasty things that are not true. I was really shocked and it hurt. Thank God her therapist takes my calls and keeps reasuring me it is not our fault. I have her on speed dial now (she's been a great help).
We're in therapy too now. Only our dogs are not in therapy. You have to keep a sense of humor here. It has not been easy. We really love her. But I was walking dead the first two weeks without therapy(I had never needed it before)!
She's been institutionalized five times since Feb 2. Each time is another reveleation: from occasional nightmares we have entered a world of night wanderings, cutting, medicine overdoses, suicide attempts, identity disorders, disassociation, transferance and other interesting issues. And I found out that this last event that occurred four weeks ago I was the "trigger" (that's another new word I learned). Since then she will not let us contact her. And the therapists agree that this "had to happen."
Her birth father abused her for many years and did violence to her and her mother. I guess the new Dad has had the transferance target was attached from day one. She's a victim of complex trauma.
My wife and I are just good people. I'm educated (I have a Ph.D in the humanities and my wife is a professional) but not in psychology or therapy. It's been a new world for four weeks. I'm learning and we'll never give up, but its a humbling experience how little we can do. It may be months before she wants to see us again.
Guess I just wanted to vent a bit. We know this is not her fault. But Oh God it is so hard. Love is winning, but everyday is a battle. Thanks for being here. I hate to ask if anyone knows a good book I can read about similar situations. But it would help. And just letting me here that we're not alone is a big help.
Our other two kids (adopted 20 years ago) were an abused sibling group ages 3 1/2 and 5. They never had any of the problems we were told to expect and will both graduate from college next year.
Guess its time to make up for it!
Thread 'What do you think about the phrase 'trauma doesn't define you"?'
