Goal of The Day-Challenging Your PTSD

[Changing4Best]

I finished reading the novel I was reading and started reading another one. I loved the one I finished reading so much I went to the author's website and complemented her on it. I have read other books by her too, so I mentioned to her that I like her writings very much. Her name is Dana Mentink and the book was RACE TO RESCUE.

 

[ms spock]

I felt quite wobbly today but I kept on going and doing things on my goal list.

 

[safenow]

I found a CD my old therapist made for me on mindfulness the other day. I've been listening to it, and for some reason it has me all upset. My anxiety level is high and I don't know why. Last night, for some reason I felt like I was going crazy and I needed to get out of my apartment, yet I was scared to even open the door. I had no where to go, and I can't be in public with no place to go and a power chair that doesn't always work.

SO. my goal for today is try to calm myself down. Working on it. The only concrete thing I have scheduled is my bible study at 9am with a neighbor. And that's only for about a half hour. He doesn't like to read long, since he has problems with his eyes.

I made the mistake of reading Revelations yesterday. Sigh. Not a good book to read when the air quality is so bad. Especially since I'd had a night mare that night about the earth blowing up. Sigh. I feel like cursing.....................I need to go journal. sigh

 

[NewDay770]

My goal today is finish writing my essay. :)

Wish me good luck!

 

[saffy]

My goal today is to ask someone on a date ;)

Quite pleased with myself earlier, someone told a friend they fancied me and my emotions went haywire about it, I did not fancy him started to worry about it, in the end I just said, actually I do not fancy him so do not try and match make. I got a sense of empowerment and pride with this. I actually listened to MY needs for a change and just said no. I do not even feel guilty about it. WOOPY at last I got a back bone.

anyway just thought I would share that. :)

My next goal is to actually not fall apart and listen to negative internal dialogue if I do get one (or do not) :) xx

Best wishes.

Saffy :)

 

[Changing4Best]

My goal today is to go to Bible Study with a lady nearby here. I need to walk 2-3 blocks each way, which I am not crazy about, because I have no car. It seems like every time I go out, my sinus thing flairs up again, sigh...

 

[Britt.f7]

My goal today is to get out of my house to see Les Miserables at the movie theater with my father in law. I'm glad he is someone I can see a musical with. I know it is suppose to be sad so my goal is to not let myself become too wrapped up in it that I lose myself.

 

[shoulderblades]

Today: go for a walk
Week: Allow myself down time without feeling guilty
Year: To make a breakthrough on my crippling guilt issues

 

[NarcSis]

Today 1: Write an article.
Today 2: Organize/mail travel claim.
Week: Get through each day's tasks. :)

 

[ms spock]

I am feeling pleased that I have the ability to tone it down a bit to manage my emotions. This is great insight for me. I didn't wait until I was on dissociated fast forward. This is making one of my goals. I choked a bit on goals yesterday because I got over enthusiastic and started to add extra levels of sophistication to my goals. After a few months yes but not after a few weeks. I did keep on going but it was hard. I got a lot done yesterday. So, however I was feeling, I need to keep the reality of the day in mind.

My goal today is to slow down a bit and tend to basics today. I have eaten breakfast. I will go for my Dip in the Ocean. I cancelled Still Life Drawing.

I have discussed the situation with B. I was honest with B about being stressy about staying up there for 6 days. I think 4 days would be enough. I have scheduled in two events - bird watching and a lunch with mutual friends. B has scheduled in one lunch with a friend. We have made plans to do stuff each day like swimming in the local pool, walking and perhaps a bush walk. At least I told him that I was nervous about it. He offered for me to change the plane trips but I said I would see how I go this time and make adjustments from that. I looked after my last partner's mother for two years and I was pleased to do that but it was at the expense of myself. I don't have the capacity and resources to look after B's Dad and his dementia. B and his Dad do have the money to choose to get someone in if they make that decision. I am not rescuing them and that is a big step forward for me.

Of course I give daily support to B about his father. I tend to the soul of the relationships. I make B's Dad laugh and entertain him. I send them little treats from time to time when I have money. So I do lots of things but not giving away my life force and self.

My goal to get outside my helplessness zone today has been to slow down a bit and it has made all the difference to how I am feeling. I am doing things at a steady, sensible and consistent rate.

 

[Changing4Best]

My goal today is to go to Bible Study with a lady nearby here. I need to walk 2-3 blocks each way...

I did do this and it was so cold out there! The lady I study with helped me find a scarf so that I would be warmer on my way back. Thanks GOD, I was!

 

[ms spock]

One of my goals is to become, develop and grow into a mostly reasonable adult with reasonable connections, based not on over inflated childlike expectations of other people. I would like to be an adult that has human like expectations of other adults - that people often get it wrong - like I do but the right ones for me, mean well and do their best.

My goal is to become self sufficient and healed enough that I meet most of my own needs and get those life affirming top ups from those day to simple interactions from other human beings. I don't want to come from that desparately emotionally needy and lost child like place. I missed out on that stuff from my family. No one can provide it for me. I have to do it for myself. I have to heal my self.

I have been reflecting where I have gone wrong in my friendships and relationships throughout my lifetime. This is not easy but it is a good thing to do so I can work on not being so hard person for other people and myself to be around.

On one level it feels unfair because of the impact of profound abuse and PTSD on my life. On the other hand, if I don't take responsibility, own my behaviours then I will be destined to repeat them for the rest of my life.

My psychriatrist said she has had a few clients that have just had to walk away from their families. So it is not just me. And there is no fixing my family. This is the rational and reality based assessment.

In fact a recent study has shown that 1 in 8 Australias are estranged from a family member. So I am definitely not alone.

So I have to make the best of what I have and what I can get.

I have to take responsibility and reflect on my behaviours.

I have to not set myself up to repeat the patterns of my family and rescue people and then throw a hissey fit when I feel exploited (all of which I set myself up for.)

I need to appreciate and value what I actually have in my life - rather than always longing for something more.

I do need to practice gratitude for everything in my life, particularly taking pleasure in the small things and treasuring them.

I also have to acknowledge and grieve for the losses of my family. Which is mostly in my head as a fantasy and magical thinking anyway. But still I need to work through this.

It would be nice to become, develop and grow into a mostly reasonable adult.

I would like a quick fix. I would like my life to be resolved like a classic narrative Hollywood movie where everything works out in the end, within the space of two to three hours. That is a time frame that would work well for me.

But this is not reality or a reasonable hope. I have to learn to trust my own judgement. I have to learn to make my own decisions. I have to learn to be me. This is going to take time and concerted effort. Though at times, I wish this was not so.