Going In Circles

[HappyJock]

Hi guys,

It's been a while since I've logged in and posted, but I'm able to be back now to participate.

I went to the therapist I wrote about previously, pursuing DBT. She's great. I'm finding it helpful. I am comfortable with her, however I'm going back into the hiding state. Some of you may remember this happening with my other therapist. I liked her, but the more I went into therapy, the more I chose to hide. Honestly, even though I'm in therapy, it just feels like I'm fighting my battles alone; some parts of me are getting worse and all I can do is hide and lie. She knows about how bad they once were, but not about now. Of course, being in therapy, she knows that it must be bad since I'm there, but not in the current state of how it is. I'm just not really sure what to do anymore. If therapy is worth it. I'm spiraling down deeper into depression and self-loathing as well as some dissociative things.

 

[Sideways]

Yay on the helpful new therapy front:). So good to hear it's working out after the mess that preceded it!

With my T, when there's stuff that I know he needs to know, and I know I'm not going to tell him? I write it down. Dot points if it's too hard. Sometimes I still only scratch the surface but it's still communication. Then the minute I'm in therapy, I don't let the ol' brain interfere with all its reasons why I shouldn't disclose, I just hand it over. Usually that's followed by panic, but it's always ended up being the right thing to do.

When it's early days, even though you've been on the therapy circuit for a while, you're still building trust. And your T will know that. So go easy on yourself:)

 

[FauxLiz]

HappyJock I am there with Ragdoll, there are several things that I find way too hard to say out loud but I know if I don't let my therapist know what is going through my head especially between sessions we can't move forward. When it gets to the point that I know we can't move forward if I don't let him know how I am feeling I write it down and either email it the day before a session or take it to a session with me that way he can read through it but I don't have to start the conversation myself without his help. It is hard but it can help.

 

[Whyteferret]

It's hard to let people into the inner "oh crap" parts of ourselves. It's vulnerablre and for many, that means "dangerous."
I like the idea of writing it down

Therapists are guides for healing. There are techniques that are used to help. But we're the ones doing the actual work to heal. The therapists support, provide guidance/ use techniques. And sometimes push us to go where we wouldn't otherwise.

Without us being active in the process, healing doesn't happen. That can make us feeling alone in the battle.

I'm pointing tha out as a general rule. I'm not accusing you of anything.