Going To Court To Lose My Kids Over My Ptsd

[Steven11B]

Hey everyone not sure if I am posting this in the right area. If not I am sorry.
Ok so I was in Iraq 08-09 Afghanistan 2012-2013. I am 100% rated PTSD premontane and total. I also have been found disabled through Social Security Disability and receive money from them. I also have a TBI Tramatic brain injury. All stem from battle as a Infantryman.
Ok so I live in Texas and my x wife lives in CT. We divorced before I deployed and our support orders where all done prior to deployment. She is now trying to get the courts to not send me the kids and if they do they have to be supervised visits. Now I went through the Warrior Transition Unit with the army for a year and a half as I was going through rehab and talking to councilors. Never have I been a danger to my self or to others. I have extreme social anxiety and can't drive or go into public with out my wife by my side or a trusted friend. So she is saying the kids should not be stuck in side on there visits and fears is worried about me being around them. Now I have a 3 year old with my current wife and a 12 year old step daughter, My 2 kids in Connecticut are 10 and 12 years old. Now I have missed the last 2 summer visits with my kids because of my deployment and then I was in Rehab after so could not see them. So she slams me through text messages every day that I am a crap dad and she feels sorry for my kids that do live with me. My wife stays home as my care giver and my kids here have a great time. We go to the pool and the park and all the stuff kids do but it has to be with accommodations like we pick the less crowded park or we hit the pool earlier or after the big rush of people. They are kids and they love it and I like to think they even notice a difference to the changes my wife and I have to do to make it possible for me to be outside. So no I have to fly to Connecticut to fight her in court about not taking my kids away and not having some one do supervised visits. I don't know how I will even get there with the amounts of people is just way to much for me. I don't think the judge would see the passion I have for my kids in Connecticut if I do a Telephonic hearing. I don't have a attorney because I am out of state and cant drive around and find one so I have to throw a dart at the internet screen and hope I get a good one. She already has hers and has never budged off of what the decree has said. Please help with any thing you think I should be doing or just any advice would be great.
PS
I pay 560 a month child support and Social Security also gives each of the kids in CT 250 each so 500 total.
Thanks.

 

[Spc.Stiltner]

Sorry to hear about all that brother.. The judge should or at least I would hope he/she would be understanding of the situation, if not then perhaps presenting VA documentation could help?

Stay strong brother! If you need someone to talk to feel free to hit me up.

 

[Sighs]

Given that your current wife is your caregiver can she not supervise the visits?

(I'm not saying the kids NEED to be supervised around you but sometimes the easiest way with the Family Courts is to give them what they've asked for.)

 

[Stickler]

...as I find busy airports freaking terrifying?
Arrive as medicated as possible while still being able to function and get a direct flight!

Obviously, you are going to have to take someone with you.

For whatever reason, reminding myself the fear's irrational helps somewhat? Instead of being totally bound into the physiological reaction, I look at it and go " Really, body?" until it goes away.

Chanting OM works for me.

I am sorry your ex is choosing to hurt you through the kids instead of behaving like an adult and a parent.

 

[Sighs]

Are you gentlemen aware of the sister site www.combatptsd.com for vets only? There may be some there who have been through this and can offer some wisdom.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Make sure you are enrolled in treatment for PTSD when you have your court hearings. Unfortunately, the other parent can use the affliction against you in court, even if you haven't done anything wrong. People seem to think that everyone with PTSD is a ticking time bomb, ready to go off at anytime and do something drastic and horrible. It is a social stigma that is unfair. Maybe a new-age arrangement such as Bird's Nest Custody would work for all parties involved. Good luck

 

[Kailani]

Sounds like you are an amazing father and thank you for your service... I would try to find a flight on off times; less people. I would try to get character references from people involved in your kids lives that see u around them: their neighbors, teachers, your friends... Evidence that shows you take them out and or how often. That you work around your disability for them. Sounds like your xwife has some not all valid concerns re the children and think she is looking out for them and not necessarily to hurt you. If you keep in contact an email explaining how you take your kids out: activities planned,love for them even video with your other kids could help your case, or pictures for judge. Just ideas

 

[Spc.Stiltner]

I am aware of the combat site and already registered.

 

[Friday]

Bottom Line Up Front : Lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer.

I am soooo not up to date on transition & continuing services... But I do know that there are VSRs of various kinds, who could at the very least point you in the direction of where to go for legal aid for vets. Hit up any contact you can think of or might still have in TX or CT.

There are about 6 different ways to present your case, and only a lawyer is going to know the best ways to maaaaybe get what you want, and which ways that guarantee a crash & burn.

That said, sometimes there just ain't time:

Very much with @Sighs... Whenever dealing with family court? Agreeing to what they may stipulate in advance is hands down the way to go. Mom wants supervision? Not only is your wife a SAHM to your toddler & 12yo (24/7 supervision), but in the event of emergency here's a list of your RedCross CPR certified babysitters (supervision), your outstanding youth program at your church (supervision), the swimming lessons (supervision), etc. Supervision in spades. Not necessary, but you are more than happy to ease any doubts the court may have.

Best of luck, brother.

 

[Neverthesame]

It may also help to break the different tasks associated with reaching your destination into small goals. Something like:
- Pack bags
- Exit house
- Take cab to airport
- Check bags
That sort of thing.

As you go about your list, keep your mind focused as much as possible on the one task you are doing. Don't read ahead, just stay in the moment. If you getting too wound up, take a look at the things on the list you completed. Each one is an accomplishment, a fear you have faced and won.

Another thing to try would be to (if you don't have already) bring along a wallet size photo of your kids. That way you look at their faces and remind yourself why your going through all of this.

As others have already said, gather as much evidence as possible to support your case.

I really hope you get your visitation rights. It is such a cruel thing your ex is doing, using your (and her) as ammo for her childish hissy fit, it's despicable.

Good luck mate.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Getting documentation from your doctors and therapist and psychiatrist would not hurt. I hope you have time to get letters of support of your good character to help you. Prayers and hugs for you. Thank you so much for your service.

 

[Kailani]

There's a ptsd coach tool app that could help with grounding, symptoms for your flight. Also a concussion app in the App Store