Good sites to "unbrainwash" or "deprogram"one self?

[lostforgottensoul]

You are doing amazing work to face, challenge, and breakdown these thoughts and habits.

Thank you, im trying really hard; though at the moment im shaking like a leaf....but its all a learning experience, right?

I generally can't sit still long enough to do the kind of mediation where i sit still the whole time. Just makes me numb.

I have a hard time being alone w/ my head but trying to pratice it more cuz its also how i can start back up my art.

When I have thoughts that are really negative, self defeating, or etc, I sometimes use the technique of picturing each thought like they are a leaf on a river and watch them go down the river... Ok, so maybe it sounds a little hokey and woo woo ish,

No it doesnt, thats in my anxiety app. I havent see that work yet, i did try it. Imaging myself floating on my back on water helps my anxiety tho. Maybe i can give that a go again.

That site Joeylittle posted about is an excellent one!

Yes it is! Ive been on it a lot. Finding it a bit hard to manuvure it on my phone but found a ton of helpful stuff on it!

Thank you helping me!

 

[Kintsugi]

but it isnt active, at all, and i need active support.

This thread is called "Good Sites to Unbrainwash or Deprogram Oneself," not, "Forums Where People Will Unbrainwash or Deprogram Me."

The Cult Education Institute or Rick Ross Institute and their forum and archives is an absolute wealth of information about how coercive persuasion and thought reform movements (cults) work and how to extricate, deprogram, or innoculate oneself from/against such groups and tactics. If you want to understand coercive persuasion, brainwashing, thought reform, and total institutions and their effect on individuals, including how to move on from these groups/experiences and the damage they cause, you would be well served to start studying its resources. If you ask for advice on their forums, you may not get a response overnight, but you will not heal overnight, either, so it's probably worth the effort if you have a very specific question you cannot otherwise find the answer to in their archives, articles, and other resources.

You could always try calling the institute for greater resources, as well. I've always wanted to call just to ask for a job... It would be a dream job for sure.

The process of deprogramming, at its heart, is education and reexamination of cult tactics. They are all essentially the same wrapped in different packaging.

Your developmental trauma, abuse at the hands of your caregiver, and resulting personality disorder and PTSD is a different matter from run-of-the-mill deprogramming, but don't be confused. Their forums cannot help you with PTSD anymore than this one can educate you about thought reform movements, and neither is fully equipped to gracefully help you with BPD. That's just the way it is with issue-specific resources.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The Cult Education Institute or Rick Ross Institute and their forum and archives is an absolute wealth of information

Oh i know, i created the thread asking to see if i can do that myself and saw they had a forum and thought i would use that as my primary but wasnt active. I didnt mean to say that im not reading the information there, cuz i am. I thoughf it was being asked if me to go there instead of here is all. I miss understood what was being said. Sorry about that.

 

[Chava]

tried to talk to me about the dog thing and i was too emotional at that point to talk about it, polietly bowed out of the convo, then they brought it to this thread, thus when i got pissed off as they stated it was impossible to talk here because i advised again i didnt want to talk about it.

Yet this all happened in a thread you created about "the dog thing." Go figure...

The impossible part was the contradictions (addict, can't stop, it's worse than addiction, I can quit if I want, I want to quit, I quit coke, strong will, etc)...makes no sense.

So out of context again, twisting things again, blaming others for your feelings even after you create a post entirely about a subject that is too triggery for you, and now posting again to throw it back on me even though most of the information is wrong and out of context. And you've narrowed it all down to one instance whereas there is actually a pattern across posters, not just involving me (but I assume easier for you to choose a target). And now you're a victim again because you say we're all supposed to support each other. That's what a lot of us tried to do for you (look at sheer volume of support, questions, suggestions) and you didn't like it. What are you doing on a web forum?

See what you're doing here with this post again? That's the issue. Yes, someone (other than myself) created a thread, many others responded, and it's basically about this. And you keep on...

You are bent on telling trauma stories, but I can't help but feel your primary concern right now should be the BPD. I assume your therapist is BPD specialized. ? The ways you feel "triggered" are less about trauma re-experiencing related to the abuse (since you reenact parts of it for comfort) and more about BPD triggers. But that's my last 2 cents. If you want to know what people are talking about, re-read this last post I quoted. That kind of sums it up, though it's not that simple either.

 

[Justmehere]

The impossible part was the contradictions (addict, can't stop, it's worse than addiction, I can quit if I want, I want to quit, I quit coke, strong will, etc). See what you're doing here? That's the issue.

Many people struggling with addictions or other compulsive or destructive behaviors say and think the same things. It is contradictory. @lostforgottensoul has written a handful of thoughts that are contradictory here too. It seem like over time, as your tolerance to face a subject gets stronger, your clarity does too. I hope you keep up this work to sort all these matters out, especially because I think your goals are really healthy. You want to stop, you want the changes in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and I think you can get there.

Abusers often give their victims conflicting messages, things like "I love you" and "I am going to hurt you." It is not surprising that some grow up to have many conflicting messages about themselves and their own behaviors. That's not excuse for any maladaptive behaviors or other compulsive or destructive acts, but it is understandable how some of these patterns may have developed.
@Chava touches on the need to keep working on untangling thinking patterns and finding more effective ways of being and communicating. A goal that you clearly have.

I think there is something really important that @Simply Simon touches on as well.

This thread is called "Good Sites to Unbrainwash or Deprogram Oneself," not, "Forums Where People Will Unbrainwash or Deprogram Me."

You were really smart to refer to the process as "Unwash or Deprogram Oneself." We can't unprogram you. We would then be acting like the cult. Telling you what to think.

You get to decide now what you choose to think. That's really important that we don't choose it for you. People here can be a sounding board, point to resources, and give some feedback how to do the work, relate to what you are processing, but you are doing the work, and it's really important that it is you doing the work.

Think about the process you and Anthony did. He never told you your mother and father were pedophiles. You decided that.

The smartest cult recovery groups recognize that part of recovery is the process of you claiming what you choose to think. Because at the end of the day, that's what matters.

So even with "the dog thing" you get to choose. What you think and what you are going to do about it. People here may pressure you or go on about it, and they get to choose what they will do about their response to it. In the end, you get to choose if it is feedback you agree with or not, if or how you will respond. We can't make you think or do anything else any differently. You are out of the cult now. You get to choose now.

Again, I think you have some really great goals, and I hope you keep up the good work to challenge these distorted thoughts over time. I know you are perhaps frustrated at times that you still feel like crap, but hang in there, the feelings will eventually follow and shift and change more over time too.

 

[Kintsugi]

Eight pages on, what is this thread really about? Are you asking for external resources to deprogram yourself, or has it rather become a shmorgasborg of expressions of and reactions to the tangled, incommensurable myriad of distorted cognitions from which you suffer?

The latter seems more likely, and I will add that it sends you as well as respondents spiraling around, because its lack of specificity makes the subject impossible to tackle in a way that fosters meaningful progression.

That's okay, too, but it reads like a diary labeled as a call for resources, and I think you might benefit from examining how this thread serves you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Eight pages on, what is this thread really about? Are you asking for external resources to deprogram...

Whatever its become its helping but if y'all feel the need to close it then do so.

Not sure many will repond to my diary but its helping.

I can create a new thread if that helps?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

examining how this thread serves you.

I didnt take it off topic on purpose but though there are just a few left that will reply to my diary, not many will and i do want to use it too but i gain benefit from alternate ways to think.

I say this, someone says say this instead, i correct it, they correct it more etc.

Thats helping a lot in the way i self talk.

Just feel im not getting that in my diary.

At this point dont know i'll get that at all...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Not even sure where id put a post like that or how id post in it. Challege my way of thinking and then what. Its just been feeling like a safe place @scout86 and i were tossing around how to drill into "im bad" then it turned to self talk but its all helping.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I can post in discussions "define a bad person" as i havent quite been able to do that, i guess

 

[Justmehere]

I say this, someone says say this instead, i correct it, they correct it more etc.

This may feel like a helpful pattern, but it's you still turning to other people to tell you what to think. It's repeating in a very light way what the cult did.

Instead, what you have had the biggest shift about has been when you picked the answer as to the different possible way to think. When you picked and identified what was distorted, and when you picked the alternative thought.

That is where you have made HUGE strides. It is where YOU deprogram yourself.

I can post in discussions "define a bad person" as i havent quite been able to do that, i guess

I think you already have a definition. Everyone can give you your opinion, and it is likely that you will agree with some, disagree with others, be triggered by some, and in the end, it won't help you reach the goals you have.

At the end of the day, I think the most important definition for you is your own.

I also think it's even more important when looking at yourself to back away from the very judgmental and black and white term of "bad" or "good."

I don't think you should start a new thread on this same general topic. I think that perhaps right now, detouring to subjects like "define a bad person" is a distraction, an escape, from focusing on what you want to change. You will likely get more success out of staying focused on the process of deprogramming yourself and what are resources and methods that help you to be able to do that.

This thread has taken a number of detours, if you can stay focused on one topic in a thread, people might be able to respond more. It also might help you find more clarity in your thoughts.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

This may feel like a helpful pattern, but it's you still turning to other people to tell you what to...

No one has directly stated to me what to say, ive reframed it myself and im learning along the way. But ok. I dont know how to do any of this but trying the best i can. Im sure once i start i'll get the hang of if and pick of momentum but at the moment havent a clue where to start which is what me and scout were tossing around, where to start and how to drill into the very broad but very real thought of myself "im bad" and i dont know how to drill into it to get to the one thing thats the smallest and start with that.

But i also dont want to upset people or seem like im fighting the process, im not...im lost...dont know how to start but if im supposed to do it on my own then i will...