Good sites to "unbrainwash" or "deprogram"one self?

[lostforgottensoul]

So as most know, i was raised in a Satanic like cult and my therapist has sent me to some sites and ive done a lot of googling and most just talk about countering the "bad" unrealisic way of thinking with better more realisic way but the "bad" thoughts win every time; hense the war in my head.

I dont have anyone physically in the real world to counter these and this site is helping; i guess im just becoming frustrated with it all; my issues have pushed everyone i know away and now my father, whom is the only one left is starting to go that way.

I didnt know anywhere else to post this.

Does anyone know of good sites to read on how to do this in a better way than to fight myself; or a way to change my view of my entire past as being "okay" and "justified" because it was done to me?

Im just becoming frustrated fighting myself and the "bad" side wining 99% of the time.

If you want to read my story, most of it is in a members trama diaries that i just posted last night.

 

[Ronin]

Here. >.>

Otherwise, I mostly went to literature. As in not popular books, but science on intersection of issues. As well as staying in touch with people affected by the similar and/or former buddies. Didn't change feeling completely alone at times & so darned crazy in others, but that, too, was processing, just flipped more to the derealization side. Typical, too, given circumstances.

Along with an advice I was given back home. Channel violent impulses in sport and running and play in a community. Don't stay in the dark. Don't hide from people, it wasn't you. Just because you can't return doesn't mean your life's only running - and if on run? Run to freedom.

 

[anthony]

but the "bad" thoughts win every time; hense the war in my head.

You're possibly starting too broad. Isolate a bad thought, then pull that thought apart into smaller aspects, then work on countering each aspect. When done that way, you make progress at a granular level, which compounds to a larger problem.

It also isn't just about countering a bad with a good, that does not work. You have to rationalise out argument of the negative thoughts to discover the flipside to your own internal argument. Saying good things does not change shit. You have to believe what you're telling yourself, otherwise you just chase your tail.

To believe what you tell yourself, you have to argue the negative pro's and con's, build a list, build a rationale as to why a negative isn't as bad as you make it to be, and why more positive approaches will trump the negatives. Many of the positives also have to be performed and experienced, as that is what builds your belief system. In your case, rebuilds it.

Talking to yourself only goes so far... quickly undone. You must action everything to build the more positive belief structure.

An example is simple.

Mary is afraid to leave her home because she was robbed and raped when last outside.

Counter -- how long have you been alive, exploring the world, being outside, before you where robbed and raped? All that time vs a brief traumatic time in your life.

Counter -- Step outside your home and stand on the sidewalk for x minutes. Did you get robbed or raped? Why?

This example can have hundreds of experiences and possibilities to be explored in order to get Mary to believe and counter her negative that her home is safe for her. But she has to not just think, but do, in combination, to adequately rebuild her belief system that her trauma was an isolated incident within her x years of living life.

You have to do the same. Pull apart your thinking and put it into real world application.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Here. >.>

I dont see a link on my samsung browser or on firefox; was there supposed to be a link there?

As well as staying in touch with people affected by the similar and/or former buddies.

Not a ton of people (some here or there but havent found many; & the ones i have found are about where i am) are victims/survivors of cults here & though i dont see my past "worse" than anyone else's or "bad" at all; i cant deny that i see things/me/my past way different than others and im just getting frustrates with myself. Im sure more so of my step mom's phsyical diary written words "....6 yrs of therapy and she's worse" makes me more frustatated at myself.

Channel violent impulses in sport and running and play in a community. Don't stay in the dark. Don't hide from people, it wasn't you. Just because you can't return doesn't mean your life's only running - and if on run? Run to freedom.

I dont have any violent inpulses but to myself.

I cant physically run.

People terrorify the f*ck out of me and if i could hide in a closet the rest of my life i would..........

 

[scout86]

"bad" thoughts win every time; hense the war in my head.

What makes those thoughts "bad"?

 

[Ronin]

I dont see a link on my samsung browser or on firefox; was there supposed to be a link there?

No, apologies. It was an emoticon, bunny / sheepish.

I dont have any violent inpulses but to myself.

Well, self inflictions are inflictions.
(And I was just sharing experience, not that it's applicable.)

People terrorify the f*ck out of me and if i could hide in a closet the rest of my life i would..........

But that can be worked through. As said above, start smaller.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You have to do the same. Pull apart your thinking and put it into real world application.

I totally get what you're saying and my therapist spent an entire hour with me doing this, sorta. I had to "prove my case" like a court room. Id tell him a belief and had to defend my postion, he'd counter it with a more rational thought; then id have to defend the same position against his counter...i ended up in a circle and said "well it doesnt make ration sense but i believe it anyway". My strong will bull headiness working against me.

I have a rational part of my brain, i get its not rational but not a person on this planet can tell me its not true and get me to actually believe it.

Talking to yourself will MAKE YOU MAD!

If it were physical, like being outside, then maybe i could...or i would as i have and maybe going into a small, then a large crowd and trying not to freak out and learning people arent so scary after all (would have to start small as walmart makes me feeak, and they f*cking sell duster; like mary was a herion addict and freakes out in a store that sells herion) and so that part i get; and my therapist is trying to get me to take my dog to a dog park, or any park for that matter as its bot an in-closed space.

Its the "god told me to"; "demon child" part, the non-physical core beieve system of the cult thats now like my core believes so everything i do circles around the rituals & punishments.

@Cashew asked so what, what if i dont do them; its like a cutting urge or an addicts urge...it gets stronger & stronger & if i keep fighting that urge i diassociate and find myself sitting on a train track and have no clue how i got out of my house let alone the train tracks.

Ugh, this is so f*cking frustating!

How do you expose yourself to the "non-physical"?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What makes those thoughts "bad"?

The cult's believe system? They arent to me, but my therapist says they arent rational and the rational part of my brain sees that, but its like part of me is fighting a stronger part of me...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Well, self inflictions are inflictions.

Rituals/punishments

But that can be worked through. As said above, start smaller.

Maybe pick the beliefs and thoughts smaller?

 

[scout86]

So you seriously don't see problems with that cult's belief system? Set aside for a second whether or not you see a problem with the way they treated you. Let that be a separate topic for a bit. Nothing wrong with their ideas? Or is there?

I have no idea how you feel about religion or god now. but the Bible actually has quite a lot to say about people who claim to speak for God and yet don't.

My strong will bull headiness working against me.

That is something you have complete control over. Being bullheaded is a choice. Some times it's a good choice, some times it's not.

 

[Ronin]

Or perhaps better: Set aside thoughts tied to religion (I know it may be nigh on impossible, yet try.)

Was the way these people treated other people, (you're included in that 'people'!) right? Not what they said or said about what they did; what they did, and how it felt, outside of justifications for it.

 

[shimmerz]

Were the rituals based on a religion Lost? If so, what one? Do you mind my asking?