Good sites to "unbrainwash" or "deprogram"one self?

[Ronin]

if i keep fighting that urge i diassociate

Make yourself physically safe, even at the cost of losing momentary freedom of movement. (Not health.)

No shame in that, you need to keep yourself safe.

(I handcuffed myself to something lately but that had to do more with keeping others safe & not f*cking up my life for good few years.)

How do you expose yourself to the "non-physical"?

With physical safety first. It's not possible to perceive clearly if not even remotely stable physically.

 

[Chava]

I don't specifically know of good sites for looking at some of these distortions from childhood beyond this site. But also, I'm a little of the thinking that if we gained certain beliefs/distortions through our direct relationships that we have to learn how to un-do them or create new patterns within better relationships now. For me that barely includes online support, but direct relationships, like with my therapist and the very few people I let into my life at all (like one friend I rarely talk to, one or two good colleagues).

That being said, I appreciate this online community for a lot of insight and perspective and also having people to relate to. I just don't take my deeper psych work online, if that makes sense. But I do understand writing as a helpful tool, along with having people available to challenge. I think the issue with web forums might be that you won't have the consistency of the same people to follow your story and continually provide feedback. Here of course there will be a few that follow and can respond or challenge your beliefs. This site has a bigger and more responsive membership than most. But even here, people sort of drift in and out. And often you have to clarify parts of your story if new people are jumping in.

It can be helpful to sort through thought/belief patterns here (or other sites, sorry I have none to recommend), but if you are serious about challenging your core beliefs, that probably will continue to happen best in therapy where you have that continuity and connection. Beyond that, I find myself testing beliefs within a local and small range, like in my community or work. Very small range, very slow, very easy-going. I have created some threads here to look at how I'm viewing things, but usually it's stuff I'm also working on in therapy and in daily life. Sometimes very few people respond, sometimes more. So it's a good support, but there is not structure like reliable or constant feedback...that would be the same anywhere online, I imagine.

I'm not sure about books/workbooks, but that might be another option (many CBT type books and workbook/journals for challenging our beliefs...I just haven't gone that route personally because my stuff is more at the nervous system level, less thoughts/beliefs). But I hear you want feedback from others, too. If you want people who can consistently respond and help challenge your beliefs, that really works best in direct relationships. Or post here and take what you get. Any other site that might have connection to childhood trauma stuff would have less/smaller membership than this site...I do know that much.

Not sure if any of this was helpful. Forget it, carry on, if not.

ETA: I see you started a diary here...good work! People will respond. But also, as you write and clarify your story and let yourself see it from an adult perspective (how you were traumatized and programmed), and continue to work through the trauma in therapy, you will start slowly letting go of some of your false beliefs, without necessarily even trying so hard...not sure if that makes sense, but that's how it has been for me. As I understand and communicate and share my trauma without all the shame, things just slowly shift and I view myself with much more compassion...and in a much more realistic and accepting light.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Not sure if any of this was helpful. Forget it, carry on, if not.

LOL, it was helpful. I dont know if my therapist and I do CBT or not, (im not 100% what it is tho i googled it way back) we talk a lot, i tell him why im a horrible piece of shit that doesnt deserve to breathe air and he tells me why he disagrees and gives me like a ton of "homework" and a ton of sites, one of them being this one, a book he wanted me to buy; which i did.

He talks to me about why i think & do things i think & do. My therpist isnt ever shocked at anything; which actually suprises me. If you've read my first diary entry, i still self do a ritual that generally makes people go "ewww" and have not a clue why i do it. He keeps telling me it shows how well at brainwashing they were.

I love this site! I know that people come and go; and I love that @anthony took time to answer one of my threads and gave awesome advise; that makes me feel sorta...important? Not sure if thats the right word. Maybe worthy? Anyway, i dont care whom replies, its the information im after, and the connection, just with people in general. Understanding for sure ! I dont know what it feels like to have an actual friend, or even family that dont eventually get tired of me and go away; so im ok with the come and go; though i feel ive made some connections here. Feels weird and sorta good at the same time... Confusing really.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Chava i just realized that saying just seeing that @anthony had replied to a thread of mine (and still good advise, im still pondering it) made me feel worthy sounded pretty pathetic :sorry:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@joeylittle thanks for moving it; had no idea where to put it.

To believe what you tell yourself, you have to argue the negative pro's and con's, build a list, build a rationale as to why a negative isn't as bad as you make it to be, and why more positive approaches will trump the negatives. Many of the positives also have to be performed and experienced, as that is what builds your belief system. In your case, rebuilds it.

Ok, so pull it apart. "It" is s lot; thoughts, rituals, punishments...start with thoughts. Take likely the most said "auto tapes" in my head (and my entire tailspin on here...re-enforced the "auto tape") Im bad, im horrible, im unloveable, no one can love me, im a creature aka non-human (my therapist asked me if that made me an alien), everyone hates me, i do nothing right, i dont deserve anything good, i dont deserve to be alive, im ugly, i hate myself, god hates me, god wants me to he hurt, i deserve to be hurt, im only good for sex... there are many others, depends on the situation (i threw my fist though a mirror once, i hate mirrors) but those are the most automatic thoughts.

Per my therapist as to "how do i" ive been trying to think the opposite at the time, even if i dont believe it (though usually they are so fast i cant seem to catch it) causing a fight in my head, then that causes frustration and usually ends in punishment, or doing something (a ritual) that causes the need for punishment.

What i dont get is why i need to punish after a ritual, rituals were "good" and was punished if i didnt do the ritual. So does that mean some part of me thinks the ritual is some how "bad" and im punishing for the "bad"?

Its so confusing!

A pros & cons list i should probably do in my diary but i have not a clue what would be "positive approches" of these sort of thoughts; i would be listing things i dont really believe. Maybe if i can find something, anything, good anout me, i can build on it? Except i cant find anything good about me. When people say good things, i thank them cuz its the right thing to do but its so forgein, and thinking "yeah but you've never met me or you wouldnt say that."

God i hate my life! So frustrating! I have auto playing thoughts that would fill a page, rituals that i just have to do, and then punishments i just have to do.

@Cashew you asked why i have to do the rituals & punishments & i did give AN answer, and it was true but the actual fully honest true reason, because as deep as i can go i still fully believe that god told them to do this and im supposed to because god wants it done and will hurt me if i dont and i havent a clue how to change that belief.

Is it rational that god wiuld single me out, no, but im the "demon child"; the chosen bad child...or was.

Im gonna have to read your reply to my therapist @anthony maybe he can sorta explain it in more detail?

No wonder every one runs away from me....

 

[Kintsugi]

I didn't read all the responses past the original post, so forgive me if someone has already asked you: have you looked into the forums at the Rick Ross Institute? Rick Ross is a deprogrammer who is a certifiable badass, and his institute is dedicated to exposing cults, educating the public, assisting survivors, extricating minors, etc. I used to hang around that forum as much as I hang around here (read: all the time) just as a passive observer.

 

[Tinyflame]

There's a good article on here called Finding Negative Core Beliefs.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I didn't read all the responses past the original post, so forgive me if someone has already asked y...

I havent but im gonna go google it and bookmark it...i think i have to see my past as "bad" and to me its none of it was bas or horrible and totally justified because it was done to me and as embarrased i am to admit this, i still fully believe god told them to and i see me as different or.wose than everyone else and thus the thoughts.

If i cant see my entire past as bad, how can i change the "bad" thoughts?

And how do i ses my past as bad?

Its all so super confusing!

 

[Kintsugi]

I will say if you belonged to a small unaffiliated cult, finding good resources for deprogramming might be more difficult than for some other cult survivors.

You might find it helpful to read broadly about thought reform movements (cult systems), especially the work of Margaret Singer. I think something that is enlightening on the Rick Ross Institute's forums is that all of the thought reform movements, whether they are "religious," "meditative," "human potential," etc. are all designed basically the same.

 

[anthony]

Take likely the most said "auto tapes" in my head (and my entire tailspin on here...re-enforced the "auto tape") Im bad, im horrible, im unloveable, no one can love me, im a creature aka non-human (my therapist asked me if that made me an alien), everyone hates me, i do nothing right, i dont deserve anything good, i dont deserve to be alive, im ugly, i hate myself, god hates me, god wants me to he hurt, i deserve to be hurt, im only good for sex... there are many others, depends on the situation (i threw my fist though a mirror once, i hate mirrors) but those are the most automatic thoughts.

You're not listening. Take one thing, just one.

Start with, "I'm bad"

What evidence do you have to support this statement? (this helps break down the one issue)

 

[Lionheart]

I used to have the very same thoughts you describe and writing them down after challenging the thoughts in your head, then coming up with a positive counter-thought helped me a lot.

I would write down these thoughts ie: I am good, God loves me, I don't deserve to be hurt , I am lovable etc, and then telling myself these new thoughts until they sink in.

I agree with Anthony 100%!!! Take one thing and then ask yourself what evidence do you have and remember proof is something you can prove in a court of law!!!

I wish you the best, you don't deserve to be attacked by your own mind and thoughts. Remember they are thoughts and not necessarily facts!

Peace,
Lionheart777

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What evidence do you have to support this statement? (this helps break down the one issue)

Nah, im listening, not understaning but that article helped.

Evidence, i dont have evidence, all i can think of is "god told them i am" and i have tried, for yrs to "debunk" that and cant seem to...its "god" after all; so maybe start with the core beliefs?

For everyone thats no read my diary: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/finding-negative-core-beliefs.86549/

Thats why i asked for help. I frustrate myself; and most everyone else.

I would write down these thoughts ie: I am good, God loves me, I don't deserve to be hurt , I am lovable etc, and then telling myself these new thoughts until they sink in.

I used to write stuff like this, minus the "god stuff" on post it notes and put them all over the house but it didnt really work but it was in my early 20s, well before any of this was unsupressed.

I think ive gotta start at the foundation up? Changing core beliefs first? Cuz thats where they are start, or go if i dig...and i cant seem to "debunk" them.