Got Out Of Psych Unit Yesterday, Suggestions?

[ms.mermaid]

I voluntarily went to be evaluated, at my T's suggestion, on Thursday. After five hours of repetitive questions, they admitted me overnight to Psych.
I can't really say where my head was, but the realization that I couldn't go home had me bawling nearly the whole 24 hours.
After I had my "staffing" and meet a Psychiatrist and social worker, they diagnosed me with agoraphobia, Panic Disorder, and Major Depression, in addition to my PTSD.
They wanted to keep me for one or two weeks, but I couldn't handle the placation from the nurses and staff who acted as if they understood my life by reading my chart. I had to get out of there and they called my partner, who assured them that he didn't believe I'd harm myself, and didn't think being held against my will was going to alleviate any of the stress and Panic.
I've got meds now and time off from work.
The anti-anxiety medication makes me tired, but more coherent than I've been in months.
What should I do now?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Hmmm, I was to a psych ward once, I was there for a couple days. I completely understand the panicking, my first day was only that. I am not sure what you should do, maybe check other types of meds, and similar, see if there are some that don't make you tired and similar.

Also, what kind of unit were you in, as here we have those that are open (you can go out at any point basically, it's not constrained), as it can be quite useful to talk to some people there who are also having problems. It is a bit time consuming to spend there a longer period.

One of the options is maybe asking for an open type ward, that allows you to go outside at any point, could be hella useful. Also, some counseling about the meds.

All I can think of atm.

 

[KwanYingirl]

If find a trauma therapist and work on your issues with your therapist and us here. Today's Saurday where I live, so shopping for a therapist will have to wait. You can call and leave messages for call backs. Please relax and enjoy being out of a lockup. Drink water, take a nice hot shower and get some Jammie's on and eat comfort food.time to reflect on your time as an inpatient. Was it helpful? Do you have new skills? I'm glad you have a partner.

 

[shimmerz]

I can't really say where my head was, but the realization that I couldn't go home had me bawling nearly the whole 24 hours.

This would be tough for anyone, let alone someone who is already in a stressful place. I would recommend that you try REALLY hard to not focus on this. You did good!

I voluntarily went to be evaluated, at my T's suggestion, on Thursday.

Can your T help you better now that you have been evaluated? If so, it was a win situation.

Drink water, take a nice hot shower and get some Jammie's on and eat comfort food.time to reflect on your time as an inpatient.

I really like this idea. Also, moving forward, what would you like to see in your life (help, less stress, more bubblebaths, service animal etc) that you don't already have? How can the hospital/your T help you now that you have been through this experience?

 

[Justmehere]

When I was inpatient on a general psych until once, it was basically re-traumatizing. After that, my T and I made a plan for safety, including red flags I was becoming closer to being unsafe, and things I could do at each step of the way to go back the other direction. If I couldn't follow it, then we made a plan to explore being inpatient at a place that was for PTSD only for intensive trauma work, where they did not re traumatize me. Those kinds of facilities usually take time to get into... but just having the plan that we would do that, it kept my T from sending me back to have an emergency eval - which we both wanted to avoid because she knew how much it could be traumatizing for people with PTSD.

I've got meds now and time off from work.
The anti-anxiety medication makes me tired, but more coherent than I've been in months.

These sounds like great steps to help re-stabilize.

You could also explore adding group therapy or perhaps a short term intensive outpatient treatment program.

 

[DogwoodTree]

For anxiety/stress/panic, I've heard really good things from multiple sources now about neurofeedback. I talked to someone last week who does neurofeedback, and he had story after story of people who experienced extreme improvement from just a few sessions, even eliminating the need for medications for various issues.

My T has mentioned it multiple times, and again last week told about another person who experienced more improvement from neurofeedback than from the work my T was doing with him. If I can find an affordable option for it, I hope to look into it.

 

[blackemerald1]

Thank your partner! Yes, amazing how staff can know your life from a chart.
I agree with all the above replies.
What led to this crisis?
Be good to yourself & plan a course of action that will assist you to stabilize.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I'd try and find a really good meds person. I have found a really good psychiatrist who is really knowledgeable on meds. I said if I go on antidepressants I don't want to be tired or put on weight. They did come up with Wellbutrin which peps me up and actually I have lost a bit of weight. But the psychiatrist said it works on me because I am more in the ADHD brain working type, so dopamine antidepressant works well. So if you being tired is causing you problems I'd do that. The meds have helped with the anxiety but to work fully it takes about 6 months.

 

[ms.mermaid]

Thanks so much to all of you for the feedback. This place has made me feel a lot less alone in this tiring journey.
I have taken the past week and a half off from work, and may take a couple more until the meds adjust things.
I saw my new Psychiatrist today, she was spoken of very highly by her colleagues, and she seemed a very straight forward and empathetic person. I hope that her suggestions really work. She gave me a number for a trauma therapist who does EMDR among other things, and really encouraged me to call her and do more intensive therapy than what I'm currently getting (1xweek talk therapy).
She increased my Zoloft dosage, continued my Vistoril, and gave me prescription for Buspar to experiment with the dosage of. She agreed with my feelings that I should take medical leave while I'm adjusting to my meds, as well as trying to reorient myself in general, after getting so out of touch with reality.

All of this was kind of set off from some major anxiety that began to set in about year ago, then my partner losing his job twice last year, financial distress, failing to get a promotion that I'd worked so hard to prove I was ready for. And then my mom, who'd previously accused me of trying to steal her husband when she found out he sexually preyed on me and assaulted me as a teenager, decided after years of insisting that I'd invited her husband to sexualise me, that I needed to tell a judge what he did so he couldn't get custody of my brother and sister. She said I was a stronger girl than my sister and she couldn't let him hurt her that way, but if I chose not to give a statement, God would have to find another way to protect them.
I am fiercely loyal to my littlest siblings, and I can never tell until later when she has used them to manipulate me. She acts as though I'm solely responsible for keeping them safe, or else it will take an act of God.
It f*cks with me to even type it out, just the insanity of still finding how she still knows exactly what to say to break my will and leave me unable to say no.
I'm not a doctor, but I'd say that final part really obliterated my connection to reality. I began to have constant intrusive memories, had some old parts holding major depression memories reemerge and began to crumble into myself. I was "hearing" in my thoughts a little girl, screaming and crying in pain, and hearing my "inner me" voice scream too, unable to make sense of what was happening in my head, I began to space out really bad all the time, lost in the noise of my thoughts, could barely hold a conversation without trailing off into my head, and also started to lose time, not just track of it, but I literally couldn't remember what I had done most of my day. I was crying a lot too, everywhere, even work, and I couldn't even pretend I was okay.
I just really am beginning to understand how long I have put off really processing what happened and working on finding out who I am.
I'm just trying to be grateful that I'm here and realize that there really are people who want to help me get to a better place. I'm really glad to at least have the support of others who are also unfortunately going through this. I'm trying to feel worth it and I hope that eventually, I'll get there.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@ms.mermaid I'm really sorry for the stuff you had to go through. You morther seems like an awful person, and I'm glad you are healing now, even baby steps matter.
Hopefully the new meds work correctly. And maybe the higher intensity theraphy helps

 

[ms.mermaid]

@ms.mermaid I'm really sorry for the stuff you had to go through. You morther seems l...

Honestly, @Saelben, I don't even know how to approach her. I know I should have lost contact with her completely after I left in my late teens, but I was so terrified of losing that connection to my youngest brother and sister, who I pretty much built my strength around to carry me through my teens.
My mother is such a complicated person. I know she regrets what she did, but a big part of her still blames me for so many helpless circumstances I found myself in as a kid. She describes me as such a manipulative and disobedient child, but no one else in my family remembers me that way. I was always a little odd, probably, but the way she warped me began so early, its all I remember, being afraid of her, but needing her and really just wanting her love.
The way she treats our relationship now, you'd hardly know how cruel she was to me as a child. She will message me and tell me how she missed me so much today, and she wishes we could sit and make art together like we did when I was a child.
It really f*cks with me, as a search my brain for positive interactions, and only being able to really find awful, painful memories that remind me of how unpredictable her rage was and why I struggle with trust and being happy.
I want to forgive her, but the teenage girl that finally realized how truly f*cked her reality was and got out, she doesn't want me to forgive the person that beat her to numbness, threw her outside in the snow naked for wetting the bed, would force her to eat peanut butter sandwiches and water at every meal for weeks, revoked her "speaking privileges", stole her money, destroyed her connection to her father and his family, controlled and monitored every aspect of her life, told her she was possessed, blamed her for being sexually assaulted by her stepfather, tried to place her for adoption as a teen....
The list goes on, and so yeah, I don't trust her. Not even seven years after leaving do I think she understands how truly despicable she was as a mother. I joke with people sometimes that I raised myself, and in a sense, while I was not COMPLETELY neglected, in the more sensitive periods of development, there were enough horrible events that I don't believe I've developed a core self. My mental self seems to be a series of ages and wrapped up in some ways with trauma.
Deep breaths! I'll survive, most likely, but it would be lovely to really connect to the world instead of feeling like a passenger in some virtual reality, feeling paralyzed when I have to make decisions, because I'm always deciding for six selves and taking into account other peoples needs.

Exhausting, all of it. I won't rant on anymore in this post. Guess I needed to spit some of those things out.

 

[Tinyflame]

((((((((((( @ms.mermaid )))))))))))). :hug: :hug: