no_surprise
New Here
I finally registered because I know I need the support.
Realized that my childhood made me the perfect candidate for PTSD.
Neglect and emotional abuse.
Then I was a "survivor."
And then I was married to an abuser.
And then I was separated from my ex, left with the full-time care of my two children and all of the finances, went into therapy...and my life started to get better. Was so happy to be out of an an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. But I am old-school and only lived what I had seen.
I was the exemplary parent and person. An educator. A helper. And then lost, deep in the night to those states of mind that only a PTSD person knows. Now, apparently, there is a new diagnosis: C-PTSD. I began to wake up in a panic.
I felt the depression and knowing that my caregivers were too busy to care about me at an early age. I was, in those days, a "pity case." No one had the right or inclination to know that I was abused. I came home to a locked door, waiting for someone to come home.
I knew I'd never have a birthday party.
Was molested by an uncle.
I saw my siblings allowed to destroy my self-esteem in terms of not measuring up to expected. I was a reader...intellectual. A freak. Into music.
Was physically abused by my father for normal teenage "crimes."
I made my way, on scholarship, through university and in a career.
Relationship with a good person. Pushed person away.
Got better after leaving my home. Published writer, educator. Strangely alone in a crowd.
Became part of the scene.
Started to fall when finding a person who was physically and emotionally abusive. Had to marry him. Welcome home.
Bouts of depression. Numbing. Fits and starts. Successful in everything but my life.
Tried to get away. Tried to change. Tied to abuser because of child.
Began to suspect that I was depressed. Started therapy.
Bad therapy.
Had another child.
Found out that the worst was true. Separated. Left with all debts.
First bout of serious depression. Went back to therapy.
Became successful in that small way that makes you know you are ok and left abusive marriage.
And then my gifted daughter was murdered...
Finally fell apart.
Complicated PTSD.
Realized that my childhood made me the perfect candidate for PTSD.
Neglect and emotional abuse.
Then I was a "survivor."
And then I was married to an abuser.
And then I was separated from my ex, left with the full-time care of my two children and all of the finances, went into therapy...and my life started to get better. Was so happy to be out of an an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. But I am old-school and only lived what I had seen.
I was the exemplary parent and person. An educator. A helper. And then lost, deep in the night to those states of mind that only a PTSD person knows. Now, apparently, there is a new diagnosis: C-PTSD. I began to wake up in a panic.
I felt the depression and knowing that my caregivers were too busy to care about me at an early age. I was, in those days, a "pity case." No one had the right or inclination to know that I was abused. I came home to a locked door, waiting for someone to come home.
I knew I'd never have a birthday party.
Was molested by an uncle.
I saw my siblings allowed to destroy my self-esteem in terms of not measuring up to expected. I was a reader...intellectual. A freak. Into music.
Was physically abused by my father for normal teenage "crimes."
I made my way, on scholarship, through university and in a career.
Relationship with a good person. Pushed person away.
Got better after leaving my home. Published writer, educator. Strangely alone in a crowd.
Became part of the scene.
Started to fall when finding a person who was physically and emotionally abusive. Had to marry him. Welcome home.
Bouts of depression. Numbing. Fits and starts. Successful in everything but my life.
Tried to get away. Tried to change. Tied to abuser because of child.
Began to suspect that I was depressed. Started therapy.
Bad therapy.
Had another child.
Found out that the worst was true. Separated. Left with all debts.
First bout of serious depression. Went back to therapy.
Became successful in that small way that makes you know you are ok and left abusive marriage.
And then my gifted daughter was murdered...
Finally fell apart.
Complicated PTSD.
