Greetings - Young Doctor With PTSD

[minceymeatpie]

Hello.

I'm a young physician in my 20s who has no idea how to heal herself. After years of medical school and residency, you would think I could do better but unfortunately not.

It is fairly ironic that I am a physician because I avoid physicians like the plague. The way I see it, if I went to see someone about the insomnia, nightmares, social withdrawal and constant detachment and if I told them about my lovely history and lovelier family, I would come away the same but now with a DSM IV label affixed permanently to my medical records. So I plod on and avoid help.

Recently I went to see my family physician because I needed to have a medical exam for some government applications. I completely lost it on her table during the internal - whimpering, crying, pleading etc. As a result I now have been referred to a psychiatrist so that someone can tell me I have PTSD and depression and prescribe me medications I refuse to take and offer me therapy I don't have the time nor ability (geographically I am rotated through towns every 4-5 months to rural areas for medical care) to pursue.

I suppose my life is coming to a head in that I can't run too much more.

 

[GR-ass]

snugs tight

Boy does that sound familiar (the loosing it)

It took me till I was 22 to have my first smear (my family has a high incidence of cervical abnormalities).

At least my doc knew about what had happened when I was a kid and helped talk me out of the flashback.

Welcome hon. Here is a good place you can come to talk, vent rave or whatever.

It is also a good place to start to heal. We all need help now and then, sometimes being told that you are alright, safe and cared for is enough.

cass (who is rambling because she hasn't slept in over 24 hrs)

 

[Deleted member 93]

Well meat, welcome to the forum! One thing you can rest assured on is that seeing a shrink is not a guarantee you will need meds. But that is pretty much all they will offer you most of the time as they don't do the therapy. Seeing a therapist who practices something like CBT may be more something you can do. You can be seen once a week or two. You have this forum now also. Books such as "I Can't Get Over It" second edition is a self help book for PTSD. Also, there is "The PTSD Workbook" with many more exercisies. If depression kicks in, which is normal, a book I found helpful was Feeling Good Handbook. All these books listed have exercises that can be quite an emotional experience but help a lot.

Our information section is also full of info. PTSD is not a condition that must be medicated if you start treating it before the symptoms are beyond any control. And if you look at our Polls you will see from us being open and honest a lot of times medications have made us worse.

This forum along with other forms of CBT, and self help books based on that idea have brought me down from 10 mg xanax a day to normally 3/4 a mg a day (I go back up during PMS to up to 3 mg a day max which is what the doctors prefer me on at all times). Many here have found this place when the meds failed them. Or when they have lost all hope of healing. This is very treatable.

I don't think it is needed as a must have to have an official diagnosis by the shrink. Others will probably disagree. But one thing I have noticed a therapist can help but if you are managing without meds, I would strongly suggest you not start as they all are very hard to be taken off of and they just temporarily mask symptoms that need to be addressed and will come back bigger and meaner while medicated.

I hope you can find support to help you on this journey you need here.

 

[anthony]

Hello mincey, welcome to the forum. Yep, well... I must say I can see where your coming from, being a physician and not wanting to go too one yourself, considering we not many here want to either these days with protocol and nonsense that occurs. Welcome to the forum, and I have no doubt we can help you heal yourself.

 

[cookie]

hey, welcome to the forum.

 

[nov_silence]

Hello,

I see where you are coming from. I am glad, however, that you realize that running isn't helping. As hard as this is to deal with, you are the one that decides how you want to do healing. Ultimately, you are in charge of your personal process.

I am a counselor by training... and I used to give myself alot of grief about not being to heal myself. It doesn't work, to say the least.

Welcome, learn lots and conserve your energy for healing instead of running.

Glad that you are here!

 

[mouse]

welcome to the forum, its amazing how PTSD affects us all no matter what we do for a livig I know I felt weak that I am a sufferer due to my career but best of luck you will get help love and support welson=me.

 

[becvan]

Welcome to the forum!

bec

 

[maus]

phone?

hi mincey

I was thinking, maybe it is an idea to see a therapist once, for an intake, to get acquainted and then continue therapy by telephone.
Call some therapists first to find out if they are willing to do that after just one personal consultation. And if you have a day of or holiday you can go in person again. Don't they have obligatory sick days in the UK? 10 or so, use those. I have a therapist who I can call but I must say she did know me very well previously. When we started, I lived far away from her, therefore we started with consultations and support by telephone, that’s why I thought of it.

 

[Terry]

Welcome Mince. I too am a people care provider of sorts and have been schooled in crisis psyc. Don't beat yourself up about this too much. What advise would you give to another doc under the same circumstances ?
Welcome to your new safe place.

 

[willing]

You must have been in a tremendous amount of pain to break like that. It must also be hard to not be able to establish roots by moving every 4 to 5 months. When the pain is too much to cope with that is when our coping scale tipes off balance and we start to think of ways to end the pain. Maus and Veiled have good suggestions. Try reaching out and make the human contact. This site is fantastic with the folks and the information. I feel very lucky to have found such a good set of concentrated answers and participants. One in a gazzillion. So while your brain is a jumble try and get the help. You have done well by far even though it may seem or feel shameful. There is no shame in our pain we really suffer. I don't know about others but I find credence and compassion when professionals share they too have had PTSD or Anxiety or Depression or Delusions. An physician with PTSD is rare and for many of us would do more to help just because of the quote "label". I see my first PTSD therapist Tuesday who has told me he has suffered from PTSD for 34 years. He used the term "we" when we first talked by phone. I don't think I need to say more about that. Other than make your label your cause.
Stay willing,
Patty

 

[minceymeatpie]

Just wanted to thank everyone for their welcome. I decided that for now I am not pursuing therapy though I will consider it for sure once I finish residency. And certainly before that if things become too hard to handle. Right now I have started an alliance with my family physician and we are doing better with the whole physician-as-patient thing than we did.

Again thanks for all the welcomes.