Grieving...

[becvan]

I found out yesterday that someone I deeply loved had passed away on Sunday from an unexpected heart attack. It was my ex, the biker. I had just gotten back from T.Bay (we had broken down on the way home so it was a 23 hour trip) and I was already sick from severe anxiety. (I'm getting really freaked out about moving, and I mean really freaked out.) So I've cried beyond any sense of crying, I went out drinking and got smashed, my eyes are swollen beyond belief (crying and alcohol.. hmmm good mix) I'm severly sick and I'm not handling this well. I haven't slept since yesterday. The funeral is tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to this. I'm not sure if any of you have been to biker funerals but they are beautiful and heart-breaking.

Anyways, I'm very messed up. Marv (my ex biker) I was bonded with in a twisted sense. His name is under a tattoo on my arm (yes I was property once.) His current girlfreind is devastated. His son will be there. Every biker for a hundred miles and then some will be there. F**k. I have to go. I have to give my respects and say good-bye and I don't want to. I don't want to see everyone and their tears and mine and say good-bye.

bec

 

[Kathy]

My condolences Bec. Jim and Evie would offer them too were they home right now. Must say I understand too well unfortunately. It is terribly hard, and the first few days are the most difficult. Know you are in my thoughts.

 

[mouse]

Bec I am so so sorry to hear this, Im sure that it has hit you hard especially being unexpected I wish that there was the right thing to say--but I know that there is no right thing to say so I'll just tell you, I wish that there was a way I could help take away your pain, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that, i am deeply sorry for your loss.

 

[Portabella]

I am so sorry for your loss, you are in my thoughts.

 

[willing]

Bec,
I too am so sorry for your loss. Death is one of those things that doesn't hit you until you experience it. It just knocks the wind right out of your sails. Hopefully, tomorrow you will feel different and you'll find strength for the future.
Patty

 

[kers]

Bec, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the hard time you have ahead to deal with it.

 

[Linda]

I am sorry for your lose, Bec. At least heart attack is not a painful death. Many other people are not as lucky, if this word can apply. I mean, so many are suffering form horrible illnesses before they die.

 

[Deleted member 93]

I hope you hold up OK. Sorry don't know what to say except stay away from the alcohol and sorry your eyes are probably doing the severe puff, but sometimes you can't hold it back.

 

[jods]

Big Hugs to you Bec. Remember him with a smile & don't forget to wear your sunglasses to help with your eyes.

 

[cookie]

sorry to hear, bec. your heart must be breaking. i will be remembering you, and his family, when i pray.

 

[hodge]

My condolences, Bec. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Miander]

Bec - so sorry to hear about your sudden loss. I have been to more funeral than I would like, but I think they are important for the ones left behind. Try not to drink, it really will only make things worse. Know that we are all there with you in spirit, holding you up.