Grounding 101

[BloomInWinter]

Thank you, dear ((((((Junebug))))).

What an irony it is to find out that the bizarre "do it all by myself" values my brain decided were necessary to keep me safe growing up are what holds me back the most now. I want my kids to always feel like they can come to me for help. I don't want them thinking for a moment they need to rush their growth or handle things alone.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh dear Bloom, I really suspect they don't and won't feel that way.

What a dear mom. :) :inlove: :hug:

You know @BloomInWinter , I actually wonder if it has a lot to do with developing ptsd in the first place?

 

[BloomInWinter]

I think the 'go it alone' approach definitely contributed to my PTSD. It decreases resilience to have no support system or friends. It denies us a balanced view of our strengths and safe people.

My therapist has been on me to call her between appointments instead of just toughing out the EMDR fallout. But I always think "this isn't bad enough to pick up the phone."

My phone weighs 500 lb., after all! ;)

 

[KP the nut]

and I use my full bladder as a physical sensation to help keep my attention

I think I will give this one a miss or I may have to reach for the Tena lady or equivalent bladder weakness product :eek::facepalm::sorry:

 

[CraftyCath]

Dear @BloomInWinter what and insight!:hug:

I have coped alone all my life, relying on my own strength and dissociating from what I couldn't handle. I just knuckle down and try to push through. I never thought of it as brave or having strength, which it is of course, I just wanted to 'get there.'

Ah but the irony of wanting to speed through as usual but our brains are more sensible and refuse to do it! I guess it is like the tortoise and the hair - slow and steady wins the race.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I do think the rushing messages of 'get over it' when not even being allowed to feel 'it' during my childhood really encouraged the unhelpful avoidance of inner experiences. I am trying to allow my kids to fully but respectfully express themselves in the moment, in the hopes of breaking the cycle that has damaged my family for three generations.

@KP, Tena is my daily companion now!

 

[CraftyCath]

fully but respectfully express themselves in the moment

Looks like you are doing a fine job Bloom - well done! How old are your children ?

This is what I am trying do with my son's. I have to drop the 'respectfully' bit at the moment as I have just found out that both my sons (and my husband) have Aspergers. They have all gone undiagnosed (my son's are 21 and 24). Their behaviour is difficult, challenging and often aggressive. Respect and empathy do not exist.

The way I raised my boys meant that I refused to 'play my parent tape' and repeat past experiences. They do not have the junk in their lives that I had and are so much stronger and freer than I ever was. I am proud of how I raised them despite the mistakes I made (we are not perfect after all;)). The Aspergers is something I am only just learning about and so are they so as a family it is a challenge.

'Get over it.' Like that is useful to anyone. :rolleyes: Honestly it is such an over used statement from people who do not want to see the truth and brush stuff under the carpet. Full of denial. It is no wonder that feeling numb is a common PTSD symptom but for those of us with a messed up childhood it should more accurately be 'feeling nothing.'

Sounds like you are breaking the cycle Bloom. Big :hug:'s

 

[greenleaf]

Mercy, I heard a blooming chestnut tree singing once. It was amazingly beautiful.

Once time I was sculpting in my brother's drive way. At the end, stood 5 beautiful, slim, long needle pines. I heard them singing. It spooked me at first but I listened as they sang calm and in harmony, I mean no strife. I looked around for a window harp but there wasn't much of a breeze.

 

[Mercy]

Again, as natural as anything I just relaxed my muscles, found a peaceful place inside me, breathed slowly and never batted an eye lid again when my meal came.

Wow, What a clear expression of how to become grounded. This must have taken a lot of practice? Can you share the path to this grounded place you have with in you....Please

 

[CraftyCath]

I think @Mercy that I have learnt to battle my thoughts, I still get it wrong and panic sometimes but I am so much better. I have learnt to ask myself 'what is the worse thing that could happen?' I then realise that if the worse thing that happens is I cry, or have to leave, am sick, have a panic attack or I dissociate; that I can't eat, enter the cinema etc it does not mean I am in any danger, that I will be harmed, ruin another's day, make a fool of myself, upset others etc. And if any of this does happen, if people stare, get angry etc that it is not my problem.

I guess I have just decided, post EMDR (now my memories have mostly been reprocessed) to let things go. When the feelings start I instantly start breathing and relaxing and using other grounding things like essential oils. I also distract myself by reading something or playing games on my phone.

One of the major things I have done, as some on the Forum can testify to, is to deliberately put myself into uncomfortable and stressful situations, usually with someone I trust and deal with whatever feelings arise. My therapist did some exposure therapy with me and now I push myself. I am sensible with it, If I am feeling really bad I don't do this and I make sure that anyone who is with me knows what is going on. I was recently invited out for a day trip but refused as I was tired and knew that would make things more difficult.

It is a renewing of the mind, of the thought processes and being very stubborn! It is difficult, it takes patience and the ability to see beyond the bad days and yes, it takes practice, practice, practice and the stubborn attitude of not letting it defeat you.

I don't think I've put this across too well and maybe others can do a better job and although I'm not 'there' yet (wherever 'there' may be) I am well on my way!

Best wishes.

CC

 

[Mercy]

Let's see....go slowly.....grow a new habit(tea)......testify on forum/let the truth and struggles take up their needful time and space here. renew your mind with lots of practice...

I will add these to help let goodstuff in. Thanks

 

[NovemberStar]

We want to come back to the present because that is the physical time our bodies live in. When we are partially in the past, re-experiencing our trauma, it brings all those feelings to our present day existence, stealing yet another day from us.

Transforming our trauma into post-trauma allows our "todays" to be what they are, as they are, without the overlay of past pain and emotional distress.

It's the chance to finally never be re-traumatized by that experience ever again that makes it worthwhile.

I wish I felt that way - but for me, it is the present that my mind has associated with DANGER - because it is the PRESENT that triggers my flashbacks and relieving of the trauma. It makes no difference at all, telling myself 'it is 2014, not the 1980s' - I have many flashbacks all close together - for me, they last a few seconds, but occur every few seconds or minutes, for hours at a time, at the worst of it - every time I 'become present' I have more. Being dissociated stops them. I'm learning to not fight them though - fighting them makes it worse, and the more panicked I am, the more I have. I am hopeful that it won't always be this way - I have spent YEARS using therapy only for stabilizing - I have never ever got to the place I am now, where I can begin to process and work on resolving the trauma/s.