Guilty because i can't get over it

[Life_in_the_Mist]

Does anyone feel guilty they can't "get over it," whether "it" is a trauma, a relationship, an obsession, an "issue"? I feel like a loser because of the amount of time and mental energy I spend stuck in traumas and in the past--I feel like maybe I am feeling sorry for myself, but it doesn't seem like something I can control. I am in therapy: I am also working on getting a fuller schedule so I can have some distraction.

 

[just me here]

Why feel guilty about something you are working on? Isn't that like feeling guilty about sitting around doing nothing while you are outside mowing the lawn or washing the car?

I have a strong inner critic placed there by my perfectionist ex-father. It even sounds like him. He tells me I am just feeling sorry for my self. I tell me I am doing something about a problem that I used to struggle with before I asked for some help.

Pat yourself on the back and fill that schedule with something you want to do that you will feel good about doing. I like to sit around and do nothing myself.......

I play my guitar and build stuff and sit and click on this here lap clicker some too. Whatever stirs your soup.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Have you been able to work on self forgiveness? Compassion for yourself? Radical acceptance? I think these three things may help you move past the guilt.

 

[Life_in_the_Mist]

I have just started work on self-compassion, sometimes I am able to have it and sometimes not. It's a new concept!

 

[therisa]

Have you been able to work on self forgiveness? Compassion for yourself? Radical acceptance?....

Solara, these are the hardest things that I need to do, for myself. I hope that one day, I will be able to share, with everyone, my accomplishment of my achieving them. Thank you, Solara, for reminding me, of these.

 

[Candleflames]

Those guilt feeling is something that I really struggle with too. I think I heard "grin and bear it" and "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" far too many times growing up. I guess I feel like I should be able to take everything in stride and use it to my advantage. I wouldn't expect that from anyone else. Just me so I tend to feel guilty about everything.

I like what just me here and Solara had to say. My T has been making those suggestions for a while now. It's going to take some time though, I think. There is a bit less of getting down on myself.

 

[Abstract]

I have a horrible tendency to bully myself relentlessly when it comes to this stuff. Like Justmethere, I have started thinking it is an introjected critic or abuser of some type.

The things that have helped have been radical acceptance and attempting to just let the tape play and remind myself it doesn't have to be true and carry on regardless. In fact it gets very much worse whenever I take any step forwards. It is as if it is out to destroy me.

For me I think if it as shame and self abuse rather than guilt because it is all encompassing.

You are in therapy and you are working on self compassion so good for you. :happy:One step after the other is what I try to concentrate on.