Had to take my kitten back to the shelter, heart broken

[siniang]

She wasn't a terror. She just was always wanting to bite and scratch.

Because she needed a friend whom she could do this with :) It's perfectly normal behavior for a young animal. Please don't get me wrong and I really don't mean to appear pushy, but please do consider two kittens when going down the kitten road again. (I'm really sorry, the animal advocate and behavioral ecologist in me is speaking and can't just let this sit uncommented :) )

(and just because a cat went into foster as a very young stray doesn't need to mean anything - we have one of those. She was much much easier than the kitten who was growing up with mom and siblings)

If you go to a shelter instead of a breeder, be just as discerning.

Agreed. Different shelters can be like day and night. I cautiously discourage from craigslist. And don't be afraid to consider a breeder - many very valid reasons to take an animal from an actual breeder (other than having predispositions for specific character traits and looks).

 

[Scarlet13]

I totally expected replies of this nature!
Nothing wrong with biting and scratching! She was doing this excessively, and aggressively. She was part siamese and I read they can be mischievous. There isnt anything wrong with that, but I couldn't handle it along with two young children and major adrenal fatigue. She reminded me a lot of my first cat, let's call him, "fight club cat." He was a wonderful cat, but kinda wild.
My second cat, a slightly older kitten, was more calm and less biting and scratching all the time, she was the therapy cat, which I wanted one more like her.

Biting and scratching is totally normal, but it was just a lot. I dont think she was a good match, which can happen I guess. I dont mean to sound ignorant about animals. I have always taken care of cats and this situation broke my heart.

I cautiously discourage from craigslist

I think I agree with this actually. There are people charging "re home" fees and this may not really cover vaccinations and things.
There were ads for Ragdolls being sold for 900 dollars at 4 weeks! That doesn't seem good.

 

[siniang]

Oh yes, Siamese are a handful ?

I really didn't mean to attack you in any way or imply that you should just have waited it out or anything or blame you for anything. I really do understand that the kitten was just too much to handle (I had a similar situation with my first dog 17 years ago). Animals can be like that and you really did the right decision for everyone (including the cat, because you weren't the right home for her, either, and could probably never have met her demands). Cat characters vary extremely and it's not always a good match. To actually admit that: takes a lot! ?

I think I agree with this actually. There are people charging "re home" fees and this may not really cover vaccinations and things.
There were ads for Ragdolls being sold for 900 dollars at 4 weeks! That doesn't seem good.

Particularly, it encourages BYB and people not neutering their cats ("oops" litters) and I don't know where exactly you're located, but most areas have major feral problems - we're currently drowning in kittens despite extensive TNR programs.

You also usually have absolutely no history of anything and people with very limited knowledge on cat behavior etc. (which becomes particularly important when trying to find a more calm cat). Going through a shelter they at least had a basic health check and the staff is usually very knowledgable.

 

[Scarlet13]

Oh yes, Siamese are a handful ?

I really didn't mean to attack you in any way or imply that you should just have waited it out or anything or blame you for anything. I really do understand that the kitten was just too much to handle (I had a similar situation with my first dog 17 years ago). Animals can be like that and you really did the right decision for everyone (including the cat, because you weren't the right home for her, either, and could probably never have met her demands). Cat characters vary extremely and it's not always a good match. To actually admit that: takes a lot! ?



Particularly, it encourages BYB and people not neutering their cats ("oops" litters) and I don't know where exactly you're located, but most areas have major feral problems - we're currently drowning in kittens despite extensive TNR programs.

You also usually have absolutely no history of anything and people with very limited knowledge on cat behavior etc. (which becomes particularly important when trying to find a more calm cat). Going through a shelter they at least had a basic health check and the staff is usually very knowledgable.

I didn't feel attacked. I agree with you that these behaviors are normal. I think she could have been socialized better, but even then cats can be a little wild.
What is BYB?

 

[siniang]

Backyard Breeder.

I really only was trying to say that some - not all - of the aggressive behavior could probably have been mitigated by a feline companion of similar age. Which, again, no blame on you, just moving forward might be something to consider. Because even the calm ones kinda need that for their development, actually (that's why strays who didn't grow up with mom and/or siblings or other kittens at least for the first 3-4 months usually tend to be more of a handful and/or shy). But even with a friend, a particularly wild one would probably still be too much for you :) If you want a cat that's very human-centric, and it sounds like that, you really might wanna consider an older loner (from 1.5 years up). I get the entire "therapy" part - because I have one just like that, she's extremely focused on me (and other people), has always been, and doesn't care for the other cats, like, at all. She's kinda my un-official ESA. I love all of our cats deeply, but she just has a special connection with me. :)

 

[mamachick]

I agree with adopting one that is older and you can read its personality better. I also would suggest waiting a period of time and working through these issues. This does not make you bad or a failure. Sometimes things are simply too much and we don't see that before hand. I lost my 12 yr old lab in march, and got a golden retriever 8 wk old pup the first of may (6 weeks later). I missed my dogs company so much. Well my pup is great, but Im older with med problems and this pup is giving me a run for my money. I have bite marks up and down my arms. He is rambunctious, sometimes defiant, sooo energetic, gets up at 5 am, and at one point I was smelling poop when it wasn't there. The thing is, my husband and I are in this together. My husband was away for a week and I was glad to see him return and take care of my little terrorist for an afternoon. lol We both love him so much and he brings so much laughter and entertainment. Its fun watching him learn all the new things of the world and explore. Its also a TON of work. I don't work or have small kids, and some days I don't know what Ive accomplished besides taking care of him. I hope you can work through the issues you are having with all of this.

 

[Scarlet13]

That's how I felt about this kitten. I am exhausted with sleep issues and we just moved. I just bought all of this new furniture and the kitten was climbing over everything and clawing it up. I dont know if in the past I didn't care as much about my furniture, but I was just cringing so much. She had diarhea because she was eating every scrap she could find and then stood in her diarhea and then tracked it all over the house. I had to give her a bath (kittens love those) and it was so stressful.
She ran right up to areas with open banisters on the first day and was weaving her body in and out of the poles.
I had to put up card board, which I will do again, but it was all so stressful, a very diff experience than my last cat.

 

[HealingInProcess]

That's how I felt about this kitten. I am exhausted with sleep issues and we just moved. I just bought all of this new furniture and the kitten was climbing over everything and clawing it up. I dont know if in the past I didn't care as much about my furniture, but I was just cringing so much. She had diarhea because she was eating every scrap she could find and then stood in her diarhea and then tracked it all over the house. I had to give her a bath (kittens love those) and it was so stressful.
She ran right up to areas with open banisters on the first day and was weaving her body in and out of the poles.
I had to put up card board, which I will do again, but it was all so stressful, a very diff experience than my last cat.

I am thinking about getting a pet as well but feel my life is too transient and I wouldn't have anyone to look after the pet if I travelled.

 

[Scarlet13]

This is my issue. I realized I cannot handle a pet right now, yet miss the benefits of one.

 

[mamachick]

Its a huge investment of time and often household damage. I had a rug in my foyer that is probably beyond professional cleaning. He has dig up a corner of my bedroom carpet and tries to eat the corner of baseboards (I have those old victorian ones). I opened my dining room french doors yesterday and found 5 piles of old poop that needed scraped off the floor. (might explain the smell my husband said I was imagining..) Somehow we forget that they do all these things. My old dog was 12 and I had more energy and a couple of teenagers that entertained him a lot back then. This one pulls patches of grass out of the ground and tries to eat mulch. He digs pea gravel out of areas. Its not confined to indoors. I feel like all I am doing is correcting him sometimes and that he is going to think his name is "NO" Young pets do damage no matter how careful you are.

 

[Tinyflame]

I feel so gutted and hollowed out..
Every memory associated with cats I have owned in the past has been flooding in.
I feel like a shitty person and mom.

I had a terrible experience adopting a puppy when I was about 19 or 20, he turned out very ill (though treatable, with a degree of money I didn't have), and they had sold him very ill. I had gone to find him and got stuck in a freak blizzard and walked for hours as I didn't dare get in to any cars on the highway. Devoted every minute to him despite writing exams, stayed up around the clock nearly every night to both housebreak/ train him and watch over him, because he was ill (he'd fall asleep on my chest every night and I slept on the couch to keep an eye on him); took him quickly to a vet who told me I was a terrific owner to have recognized what I did and been able to keep him alive, that most would have died within 24 hours of dehydration. But because (at the time) there was only my mom and I, and we were both struggling financially, I think had no working car either at the time?, I had to return him.

Well, to this day, I wonder if I 'had' to? Did I overestimate what it was going to cost for continued treatment? Was I just irresponsible to get him? Is it right for me to say, had I only had money his life and my heart would have been spared? Idk. I just know when I took him back, it had only been one week, I never thought I'd be 'that' attached- and I was absolutely devastated. Me, who doesn't cry in public, I was totally balling (without sound), and the woman (Director) there said, "You realize he'll be euthanized", or some other word, that is mine but I think she actually used 'killed'? And all I can remember is she was cold, overweight, and had sharp pointy red fingernails. And I was wearing a cable sweater and jean jacket, and when she tried to take the pup he clung his nails to to my sweater and wouldn't let go, and I'll never forget his sweet face- his eyes and expression. :(:cry: I suppose she likely thought I was a clueless, dumb young girl. Meanwhile, nearly everything I dealt with with trauma arose in that moment, and other than not having wealth, I was more conscientious than most. To this day, I never think I have a right to think of him as 'mine', yet he had no one. :(

So yes, I would definitely say I feel like a sh*tty person, and it fed in to a lot and from a lot. And it actually comes to me a lot, that memory. But in your case, your children come first. But does it bring up a plethora of emotions, when you have coped through childhood etc with the presence of a pet? I would say yes. Both for myself and what it meant in terms of my responsibility to them.

Sadly, not all shelters are created equal.

I agree. I think you've made a wise decision. You can revisit it at a better time, and maybe with more research. :hug:

 

[Scarlet13]

I had a terrible experience adopting a puppy when I was about 19 or 20, he turned out very ill (though treatable, with a degree of money I didn't have), and they had sold him very ill. I had gone to find him and got stuck in a freak blizzard and walked for hours as I didn't dare get in to any cars on the highway. Devoted every minute to him despite writing exams, stayed up around the clock nearly every night to both housebreak/ train him and watch over him, because he was ill (he'd fall asleep on my chest every night and I slept on the couch to keep an eye on him); took him quickly to a vet who told me I was a terrific owner to have recognized what I did and been able to keep him alive, that most would have died within 24 hours of dehydration. But because (at the time) there was only my mom and I, and we were both struggling financially, I think had no working car either at the time?, I had to return him.

Well, to this day, I wonder if I 'had' to? Did I overestimate what it was going to cost for continued treatment? Was I just irresponsible to get him? Is it right for me to say, had I only had money his life and my heart would have been spared? Idk. I just know when I took him back, it had only been one week, I never thought I'd be 'that' attached- and I was absolutely devastated. Me, who doesn't cry in public, I was totally balling (without sound), and the woman (Director) there said, "You realize he'll be euthanized", or some other word, that is mine but I think she actually used 'killed'? And all I can remember is she was cold, overweight, and had sharp pointy red fingernails. And I was wearing a cable sweater and jean jacket, and when she tried to take the pup he clung his nails to to my sweater and wouldn't let go, and I'll never forget his sweet face- his eyes and expression. :(:cry: I suppose she likely thought I was a clueless, dumb young girl. Meanwhile, nearly everything I dealt with with trauma arose in that moment, and other than not having wealth, I was more conscientious than most. To this day, I never think I have a right to think of him as 'mine', yet he had no one. :(

So yes, I would definitely say I feel like a sh*tty person, and it fed in to a lot and from a lot. And it actually comes to me a lot, that memory. But in your case, your children come first. But does it bring up a plethora of emotions, when you have coped through childhood etc with the presence of a pet? I would say yes. Both for myself and what it meant in terms of my responsibility to them.

I agree. I think you've made a wise decision. You can revisit it at a better time, and maybe with more research. :hug:

Thanks for sharing that story. That sounds very rough.
I feel terrible that I wanted to give my children the goodness of a pet and now they have this sadness.
I want a nice home and am hoping at some point soon I can have a nice home with a pet.