I'm 20 now and have been battling C-PTSD since my parents starting abusing me when I was 10. Their style of abuse was mostly emotional and psychological (with some physical violence and plenty of neglect thrown in for good measure); around that age they started considering me "troubled". In addition to frequent and intense verbal abuse they regularly called the police with bogus claims that I was "out of control" or an abuser myself. The police never listened to me, they only collected reports to build a "paper trail" of my "crimes" for my parents' benefit. They also committed me to a psych ward twice with the same sort of claims, where I was locked up with no questions asked and abused in new and interesting ways like solitary confinement, strip searches, and unnecessary and invasive medical procedures. I was also diagnosed with a variety of personality disorders (which are not supposed to be diagnosed in children) and drugged against my will.
Between my parents, the police, and the psychiatrists, I was constantly referred to as and made to feel crazy or monstrous. This went on for 5 years of me hating my life and myself and basically wanting to die all the time (I went to school in a city but lived in a suburb with no public transit so I was completely stranded and isolated). Finally my parents started threatening to have me placed in an even more abusive facility, so I ran away and worked in some exploitative environments (not a lot of options for a runaway 15-year-old), eventually got emancipated after a traumatic legal process where no one was on my side, and lived in some sexually exploitative environments (really not many options at all).
I thought going to college would give me a way out of that cesspool of a life, so I applied to some universities and got accepted to a good one with a scholarship, but as my life got safer, my symptoms worsened and I only made it through three semesters before going on indefinite leave. In that time I made 0 friends but was made the target of some of the most hateful people I've ever met, students, professors, and administrators alike. For several years I was able to find hope in advocating against the sort of abuse I suffered, but nasty organizational politics and some also quite hateful people have made me a pariah in those circles. Now I am living in a city I hate with no friends, doing nothing but running out of money because the dizziness, nausea, fatigue, and general physical and mental instability I suffer from make it impossible for me to hold a steady job. (I can generally keep flashbacks and such in check during the day; those only f*ck up my personal life and make me never sleep)
I have no social support, no direction, and no hope. I've been mistreated so many times that I just want to hide from everyone forever. I can honestly say that I've never really been happy. Anyway, hi, hope you enjoyed my misery.
Between my parents, the police, and the psychiatrists, I was constantly referred to as and made to feel crazy or monstrous. This went on for 5 years of me hating my life and myself and basically wanting to die all the time (I went to school in a city but lived in a suburb with no public transit so I was completely stranded and isolated). Finally my parents started threatening to have me placed in an even more abusive facility, so I ran away and worked in some exploitative environments (not a lot of options for a runaway 15-year-old), eventually got emancipated after a traumatic legal process where no one was on my side, and lived in some sexually exploitative environments (really not many options at all).
I thought going to college would give me a way out of that cesspool of a life, so I applied to some universities and got accepted to a good one with a scholarship, but as my life got safer, my symptoms worsened and I only made it through three semesters before going on indefinite leave. In that time I made 0 friends but was made the target of some of the most hateful people I've ever met, students, professors, and administrators alike. For several years I was able to find hope in advocating against the sort of abuse I suffered, but nasty organizational politics and some also quite hateful people have made me a pariah in those circles. Now I am living in a city I hate with no friends, doing nothing but running out of money because the dizziness, nausea, fatigue, and general physical and mental instability I suffer from make it impossible for me to hold a steady job. (I can generally keep flashbacks and such in check during the day; those only f*ck up my personal life and make me never sleep)
I have no social support, no direction, and no hope. I've been mistreated so many times that I just want to hide from everyone forever. I can honestly say that I've never really been happy. Anyway, hi, hope you enjoyed my misery.
