Donkey, in the biblical sense, aka a$$
Ugh.
Coming off the heels of his near tantrum about unwarranted trust issues, my guy refused to speak to me for days because I asked him for money. When he finally did talk to me, he said he would give it to me but my "work ethic was questionable." I was so angry that he said that I wanted to scream all the cuss words I know in English and Spanish at him. I'm so glad I know Jesus!!!! I swear that's the only reason I didn't say a word.
Background--I just moved to a new city. My family is not close by and even if they were, they are never in the financial position to help out anyway. I'm usually the one who lends in my family. Regarding him, over the years I have bailed him out of jail, paid for impounds, given him spending money when he was out of work...just because. Never did I act vile, ugly or disrespectful to him about it. As a man, I know it's not easy when you're down on your luck and I respected that. And I realize it's embarrassing to deal with a night in the drunk tank after making a poor decision. There were times when we had heart to hearts and I encouraged him follow his passion. He chose not to but in the end, I didn't ream him for it. We all have to figure out what we want to do and it takes time. He's doing much better now in the work department and for that I'm grateful.
Anyway, I used up all my savings that I had been living off for 7 months. If you knew what my salary was prior, a seven month cushion was a feat to accomplish. I was finishing up my MS degree and really concentrating on what I wanted to do next, career-wise.
I just found a full time job that I love! I'm proud of myself. I just got my MS degree as well. I asked him for money because I'm behind on this month's rent as my first check doesn't come in until the middle of this month. My landlord is cool and we're working it out, but I asked my guy because we've always helped each other out. We're in a relationship for crying out loud!!!!
He basically cussed me out today and told me in no uncertain terms that I am a disappointment to him. Mind you, I don't ask for money from him often. Over the past two years, I've asked 3 times. And mind you that not too long ago I took care of ALL the bills---rent, food, car maintenance, car insurance, gas, electric, cable, laundry....ALL OF IT! I said not one damn word to him about any of it. I knew his situation, I was there for him. I don't regret that either. I just thought if anyone understood the situation and what it's like, it would be him.
Sigh...I'm tired of living like this. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm the devil in the flesh to him. He's overseas and I'm tired of fighting. Tired of arguing. Tired of it all. Part of me would be super relieved if we just didn't talk anymore. PTSD or not, he acted like a donkey today and it was totally uncalled for.
I told him that how he talked to me was unacceptable and I would not be disrespected or hurt emotionally or verbally by him. I put up a boundary by saying that whatever he's dealing with, I'm not his enemy and I will not be treated as such. Let him know that the next time he flies off the handle, I will end the conversation on the spot.
Double sigh...sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a shadow, i.e. I can't win.
Ugh.
Coming off the heels of his near tantrum about unwarranted trust issues, my guy refused to speak to me for days because I asked him for money. When he finally did talk to me, he said he would give it to me but my "work ethic was questionable." I was so angry that he said that I wanted to scream all the cuss words I know in English and Spanish at him. I'm so glad I know Jesus!!!! I swear that's the only reason I didn't say a word.
Background--I just moved to a new city. My family is not close by and even if they were, they are never in the financial position to help out anyway. I'm usually the one who lends in my family. Regarding him, over the years I have bailed him out of jail, paid for impounds, given him spending money when he was out of work...just because. Never did I act vile, ugly or disrespectful to him about it. As a man, I know it's not easy when you're down on your luck and I respected that. And I realize it's embarrassing to deal with a night in the drunk tank after making a poor decision. There were times when we had heart to hearts and I encouraged him follow his passion. He chose not to but in the end, I didn't ream him for it. We all have to figure out what we want to do and it takes time. He's doing much better now in the work department and for that I'm grateful.
Anyway, I used up all my savings that I had been living off for 7 months. If you knew what my salary was prior, a seven month cushion was a feat to accomplish. I was finishing up my MS degree and really concentrating on what I wanted to do next, career-wise.
I just found a full time job that I love! I'm proud of myself. I just got my MS degree as well. I asked him for money because I'm behind on this month's rent as my first check doesn't come in until the middle of this month. My landlord is cool and we're working it out, but I asked my guy because we've always helped each other out. We're in a relationship for crying out loud!!!!
He basically cussed me out today and told me in no uncertain terms that I am a disappointment to him. Mind you, I don't ask for money from him often. Over the past two years, I've asked 3 times. And mind you that not too long ago I took care of ALL the bills---rent, food, car maintenance, car insurance, gas, electric, cable, laundry....ALL OF IT! I said not one damn word to him about any of it. I knew his situation, I was there for him. I don't regret that either. I just thought if anyone understood the situation and what it's like, it would be him.
Sigh...I'm tired of living like this. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm the devil in the flesh to him. He's overseas and I'm tired of fighting. Tired of arguing. Tired of it all. Part of me would be super relieved if we just didn't talk anymore. PTSD or not, he acted like a donkey today and it was totally uncalled for.
I told him that how he talked to me was unacceptable and I would not be disrespected or hurt emotionally or verbally by him. I put up a boundary by saying that whatever he's dealing with, I'm not his enemy and I will not be treated as such. Let him know that the next time he flies off the handle, I will end the conversation on the spot.
Double sigh...sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a shadow, i.e. I can't win.
