Sufferer Well I'm Pretty Sure My Best Friend Drugged Me And Then Who Knows What Happened?

[a3a2]

I can't report the incident been too long

I am pretty sure there is not a statute of limitations here...at least not as short as a year. But anyway, you have to do only as much as you feel compelled to do. And therapy is a GREAT start!!!!! I can't wait to read your posts in another year. I think you will be surprised how much better you feel.

I'm glad you found the forum.

 

[circe47]

How do you trust people again? The answer is easy. Make them earn it. Realize not everyone is going to be your friend or looking out for your best interests.

Aside from the fact that this guy Sam assaulted you- he POISONED you. Yes- POISONED. Not only did he do it once, but twice- and stood by when his friends exploited you.

I can't tell you what is right for you to do. I can only tell you what I would have done. This subject came up when my ex told me he and his sister in law had talked about drugging me with GHB, so that we could have a three-way. They both knew I would never had done it other wise. I was LIVID beyond belief and you can bet your bottom dollar I would have gone to the hospital and contacted the police should that rape had come to pass.

In most states in the U.S. it is considered rape if someone has sex with an inebriated person. This is because the inebriated person is incapable of giving consent because of being judgement impaired. This actually happened to me. I was out with friends and drinking. I woke up in the middle of the night with a complete stranger in my bed on top of me. Sober, he was not someone I would have slept with. He took advantage of my inebriated state; in hindsight, he even contributed to it by buying me shots of whiskey.

I really believe this person doesn't see that he didn't do anything wrong and will most likely do it to some other girl. Do you want to be responsible if he does and finally ends up drugging someone to death?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Apparently none of you know what goes through the mind of guys as evidenced by this vehement defending of "hanging out" with a gang rapist!

You tell a young guy "my parents don't want me to hang out with you but I'll see you in public" and this tells him that you are ok with seeing him, it's just your parents don't want you to see him.

It takes a split second for him to drug you once again....how can nobody see this? Hang out with him and continue to tell him it's your parents who don't like him. But don't be shocked if he does something else.

I'm NOT blaming the victim so please everyone get it straight. I'm saying that she is not standing up for herself. There is a thing called personal responsibility and hanging out with your gang rapist is not being personally responsible for yourself. Geesh.

In fact, blaming the victim would be saying it was her fault for the first two times. I'm not blaming her! I'm saying she has FULL power to not let it happen again. It gets to a point where you have to take responsibility for yourself. It's like jumping in a cage with a tiger and then blaming the tiger for attacking you. Well you know it's a tiger and tigers attack to kill. It would be naive to think you can play with it like a housecat.

 

[circe47]

Solara-

Make no mistake- I do NOT condone or think that hanging out with this Sam guy or people like him is okay. I do recognize the difficulty and shame in reporting something like this to authorities. It is a known fact that non-victims tend to blame and judge the victim. If I had a dime for every time someone condescendingly said "well, you allowed it" or, "you're stupid for putting up with...." for staying with abusers for twenty years of my life, I'd be as rich as Donald Trump. This is why I said to the original poster that I can't tell her what to do. It is her choice to report or not report.

It also very hard to prosecute a year later when it will be he said......she said. The only thing she can hope for is this idiot Sam and his buddies are stupid enough to record their crime. Seems to be de riguer to create digital data of rapes these days. A year after the fact....very hard to prove.

I do think the original poster seems to have issues with hanging out with poisoners and rapists. She clearly has zero boundaries and needs therapy to figure out why she feels it's okay to buddy buddy with a man who poisoned her and raped her.

 

[circe47]

I need to amend my last comment. I reread the original post. I can clearly see how the poster would not remember. She was most likely drugged with GHB. Apparently it leaves the victim amnesiac for the incident and only slowly will memories possibly come around after exposure to trigger.

However, rule of thumb? When you are invited to parties and are the only female there......time to make a fast exit because you are the planned entertainment. Had this happen to me too. Luckily I got out quick before something tragic happened.

I was the only girl at a party in the new town I'd moved to. I sat for an hour and watched dude after dude show up at the cottage on the main property. When one guys said "hmmmmm.....smells like PCP" to the joint he was toking, I was outta there fast. Not before I had to BEG my mother to come get me and tell her what was wrong in front of the host's parents when I asked if I could call to get a ride. I was scared shitless for the rest of the night. I KNEW I'd have been raped if I hadn't trusted my gut and left.

 

[EJB]

First of all I will never ever hang out with Sam again lets get that out in the open. I said that long before I remembered the incidents! But I did not want him to know I knew about Matt. A year ago it's he said she said. I know this cause I once reported a assault.Two weeks later and the cops said there was nothing they could do! I honestly only waited so I could report it in my own state near home in that instance! So this time I know for a fact they will do nothing and probably question my whole testimony!

Now, on the next point don't ask me about my first assault I do not want to talk about its totally unrelated!


Secondly I was not the only girl the host was a girl, I saw her only once though when she was taking my keys away. Now I know parties that are all guys are bad news! Ill never make that mistake again.


Now third point , I got a phone call from a friend in another state who had the exact same thing happen to her! How can I help my friends little sister. Oh hers is a year also !

 

[EJB]

Last point I've changed my number 3 times so he can't contact me! The next time will be a 4th! I told him my dad does not want me alone with him cause he does not! I can't tell him I want nothing to do with him though! He might find out where I live and hurt me !

 

[circe47]

I am starting to see Solara's point.

I have to agree that it makes no sense to hang out with a rapist- in public- so that he doesn't do anymore harm?

 

[Abstract]

EJB, so many of us have been manipulated or drugged by a perpetrator. Myself included. At that point I was not able to know I was in danger or to take relevant action. There is no responsibility in that and just to be clear the perpetrator is always fully responsible for their actions. One hundred percent.

Moving on from that, once we have started to figure things out and have realised we are in danger then a very important part of recovery is learning how to make self aware decisions and practice self protecting actions. To trust ourselves. That took me an awfully long time to do as I tend to go into a semi zombie state when threatened. And I think perpetrators can suss that out very quickly too.

It seems to me you are well on your way and have made some good decisions as well as having started to trust your instincts about what happened and not the mind control. And some people are frighteningly good at distorting things and undermining our truth. So good for you. Keeping safe in the future may be a process too or is for many of us. For many of us it takes hard work and therapy. You may be luckier and just need to think through things before you make decisions.

And as for reporting any crime: Noone has a right to expect it of us. It is our choice to make alone. Yes it is wonderful if we can do it but we have a choice and it is wise to think of how much evidence there is and how telling would play out before doing so. To be realistic about what we can cope with and what will be entailed.

I cam't remember if you have said or not but are you seeing a trauma therapist?

As for your question about how to stay safe in the future (in new situations and with new people and even how best to handle any attempt at contact from the previous perpetrators). I think that would be a great topic for a thread! Many of us have had to consider these.

If it is still possible that you'll run into the perpetrators at school then I would seriously consider getting a restraining order as they are obviously a potential continued source of danger.

 

[a3a2]

Do you want to be responsible if he does and finally ends up drugging someone to death?

You are NOT responsible if he rapes and kills someone. He is. Do I hope you get justice? You bet. But you do not have to carry his sins.

 

[a3a2]

Editor-I didn't realize I failed to properly quote the above "Do you want to be...." Would you be able to fix that for me?

 

[Abstract]

Agreed a3a2! I am understanding that you are disagreeing that any of us are responsible if perpetrator hurts others. I really hope EAJ comes back and continues to get support on the site. I hope we have not chased her away. Many of us understand it is a lot to absorb let alone know how to react to all this. Especially in the beginning and when we are young.

I think the opinion shared in that quote is extremely judgemental and unhelpful.

I am assuming you flagged your message? The mods won't realise unless you do. I shall do so too.