Sufferer Well I'm Pretty Sure My Best Friend Drugged Me And Then Who Knows What Happened?

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome, EJB! I am SO sorry that these horrid things have occurred. You will ABSOLUTELY need TIME, and lots of it before you are ready to meet people on a 'party' basis. Preferably you will have some trauma therapy, and I think maybe a 'self-defense' class to help you with self-defense, AND being assertive.

Most men can tell when a woman is confident, and 'puts out' a strong vibe! I used to be a 'ninny', as in I was meek, and scared like a frightened mouse. I found that attracted predatory men.

Always be AWARE of your surroundings, and don't assume any one man is 'nice' until you have seen them around other people, and most definitely out in the open, and make them 'date' you, and treat you well on those dates!

Unfortunately, I think that these days, when a woman goes to a bar or a pub alone, assumptions are made, and that's all it can take for someone to decide to 'choose' you as a target. Therefore, if you DO want to go out, and you SHOULD be able to in this free world, go with a friend, or a group of friends.

Never, ever let your drink be left unattended!! Either finish it before going to the ladies room, and get a new glass when you come out. A trusted friend could watch your drink, but make sure you know THAT person well. It's horrible to think, but I believe predators now work in pairs or groups, so you can't trust ANYONE until you know them outside the 'party' lifestyle.

I truly wish you the BEST of luck with getting counseling before you go out again. Get comfortable with yourself staying home, have a glass of wine if you choose, reading books, pampering yourself, or when going out, go to the library, or even a movie alone...still ALWAYS being aware of who is around, and ALWAYS, ALWAYS, listen to your gut feelings. Women have a strong 'sixth sense' and we must listen to it!!! (Carry a whistle on your key ring!!!) Practice blowing it LOUD!!

Just some advice from a middle-aged woman who was dumb enough to get married and divorced 4 times, and who finally realized I CHOOSE the Mr. Wrong EVERY TIME!!! So, I've been single for almost 20 years, and am content in my single-hood. It's peaceful!

I hope you will feel comfortable here, read some other stories, and you will find you are not alone. Many/most of we/us women, myself included have been sexually assaulted!! I didn't report, because I felt I 'asked' for it. I was wrong, but my lack of confidence and pride in myself kept me in an awful place of believing I deserved it in some way.

Please allow yourself time, time, time, to heal!!!

 

[EJB]

This is a blank post because what I previously posted is not important.

 

[Philippa]

I reported my sexual assault about 6 weeks after it happened...mainly because it took me that long to actually realize that it was in fact rape...or at least, it took my mind that long to come out of denial about it. The police still took my statement and gave me the option of pressing charges and taking it further.

It is better to have physical evidence, but that doesn't mean they won't take your situation seriously if you take it to them...at least, I was lucky with the cops in Melbourne. They may not be as good in other places and cities of course. The basic message I am sending you though is that it doesn't matter if you didn't report it straight away, you can still report it. I guarentee that even if it does not keep him off the streets, that you will feel more empowered for having done it. Do it for YOU, and let go of any results.

 

[caroline_13]

Hi EJB-

I think the comments here have gotten a bit out of control, and we all need to remember that this forum is for your support. We also need to remember that "logic" does not easily translate to someone else's experience, especially when that experience is traumatic. Even if how you/we as survivors act seems f*cked up to someone else, remember,

An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.

I apologize that you have felt the need to defend yourself in this space. That is inexcusable. I hope here you find courage to do what you have to do to protect yourself, and if you have the means, others, but you should not feel responsible for your abuser's past or future actions. Just concentrate on nurturing yourself and building courage. Trust me, I've heard it all (let's just say I know how the criminal justice system works) and none of the "logical" arguments translate to the personal traumatic experience.

Caroline

 

[EJB]

:) getting over it would be easier if I knew what exactly I'm getting over!

 

[circe47]

My bad. Absolutely a victim is not to blame for the victimization of potential future victims. It is all on the perps head when he victimizes. I'd just hate to see a victim blame herself when it happens again.....and most likely it will.....when the perp drugs and rapes another woman when coming forward might have prevented another rape.

I guess I've either seen to many cop shows where they urge the victim to help by sharing her experience, or I would myself feel terrible if my disclosure would have prevented another person going through what I went through or worse, died from a roofie. Maybe it correlates with my family not believing my abuse only to have it happen to my sister later. Not only did it feel like shit that I wasn't believed at the age of about six, but it never had to happen to my sister.

GHB is a very unstable roofie and no dose is ever the same. I have an acquaintance who took it so she could feel less self conscious as a stripper. When I read up on it, I discovered you can do it a hundred times and be fine- but the hundred and first dose can kill.

 

[circe47]

:) getting over it would be easier if I knew what exactly I'm getting over!

Not sure where you live, but in most states in the U.S. having sex with an intoxicated person is considered rape- cut and dry. If you are passed out you are incapable of giving consent. Absent consent, it is a rape.

 

[EJB]

Hi guys sorry been away a while! Well I'm packing and moving soon still nervous but can't wait! This guy called me again I did not tell him my memories but he told me his which were completely different than mine! I don't know if he is covering or what. So he called from a blocked number my dad calls from those so I answer them! Unfortunately had to talk to him. Well I'm doing everything I can to get help found a place on campus for rape victim counseling in my new city so plan on going there !

 

[Abstract]

his which were completely different than mine!

Don't get sucked in! He is the perpetrator. He is not going to tell you the truth! Be careful!!! You need to keep away from this person entirely.

place on campus for rape victim counseling

Good for you! :tup:

 

[caroline_13]

Unfortunately had to talk to him.

You don't have to talk to him. You don't have to do anything. Although you can't choose how you feel, you can choose how you act and react. You have the power.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Put the phone down on him. Don't let him pull you in. Don't even give him an opportunity to try and get his version across. This is not a reasonable person, he is a rapist, he has no conscience, all he cares about is exonerating himself and making excuses. He gets nothing from you. No time, no talk. If you let him talk he thinks he has a way in to manipulate you. You do have the power. Shut him down.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Can you ask your Dad to call you from an unblocked number?

Tell me more about Sam. How did you meet? What's his personality like? What does he do? What is his family like?

How about you?

Btw, I have been drugged before; once . . . 4 men. Still unsure if I was raped to this day. Fragmented memories and gaps.