Hard Session Today

[Jnean]

in my session today of EMDR i uncovered some things, about being sexually assaulted, but even after it came out i still don't remember it actually happening to me. And I almost didn't remember what I said during session. I go through so many feelings it's difficult to really know or remember it all. When I left therapy, how do I say this, my body felt it. Sensations, uncomfortable, my stomach hurt, I had to come home and shower, I felt dirty. I was distant from myself and nearly felt like maybe i shouldn't drive at one point on my way home. One of things I said during emdr was, if you love me you won't tell. I forgot that I said that but my T reminded me. It was hard. I cried. She helped me remember that I was safe. Any if this sound familiar to anyone?

 

[Stickler]

Yeah. Physical sensations correlate to memories for me, generally. Spaciness, kind of here/not here things.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Haven't had EMDR, but I do get body memories when discussing rapes or beatings or being strangled. Then I feel acid flowing through my extremities and feel sick to my stomach. My hope for you is that you can process that heightened response with EMDR and then not have to be stuck with it.

 

[Jnean]

thank you so much

 

[Redlewis]

in my session today of EMDR i uncovered some things, about being sexually assaulted, but even after it cam...

I can relate to this. In therapy this week I threw up because of a memory of when I tried to kill myself and my abuser forced me to be sick. It felt like he was forcing me to be sick again even though it's years since that happened.

 

[Jnean]

makes sense. Today I have another session. I know now what to expect. I know that I won't be myself tonight or tomorrow. I will be normalizing my situation as much as I can in order to survive. I will have discomfort to my body and disturbing images. Atleast I know what to expect.

 

[Panda Bear]

Body memories, oh yes!

I pray it gets easier for you, this stuff is just no fun!

 

[Jnean]

thanks!

 

[Jnean]

I can't seem to wrap my head around the things that came up in emdr. It was another tough session and again my body is feeling things as i expected it would. Memories came up of being raped and now I feel an emptiness even though I'm surrounded by love. But still feel like I'm not quite feeling my emotions fully yet about being raped. I just have to deal the way I can so I don't fall into a serious depressive state. I am the safest I've ever been here but yet tonight I still feel like I'm suffering inside my head like when I was a child, and I didn't feel safe enough to fall asleep at night. I feel it in my chest as my heart beats out of my chest. Deep breaths help. No panic attacks yet like I did last week so that's good so far. If I didn't have my kids and my love of my life I would not be here today. I am feeling afraid to sleep but my meds will kick in soon and I will be out cold and hopefully i dont have horrible dreams.

 

[Redlewis]

How did you go during the night? Hope you were ok. You're lucky to have your family's love around you. That means a lot.

 

[Jnean]

last night I had a dream that I took a few Xanax and then a few more a little while later, and then again more a bit later because I wanted to run and hide forever. I was okay when I woke up. I don't have a script for that anymore, it's been years. Thank you Red for asking. I do feel lucky about having love around me. It's still hard to be honest about what's going on with me. But one step at a time.

 

[Redlewis]

That's the way. One tiny step at a time. Sending a hug