Has Anyone At Work Had To Seal With Resentment And People Ignoring You That Were Once You "friend"?

[TXbandit]

I'm having a hard time as it is and I am late to work daily. It has been like this for years. I just reached out for help for the first time in 20 years because the last trauma seemed to bring on PTSD full force. When my symptoms spike, I am even later than usual and have extreme quilt over it. Then, I deal with coworkers resenting me and ignoring me when they have to cover for me. I ALWAYS show great appreciation for when they cover for me. It's just added stress along with a certain coworker that loathes me and has since I set foot in the door because I am a woman. Misogynist is what he is..... Has anyone else had to deal with this? I know I should work on trying to get to work earlier and on time but my anxiety is really bad and I procrastinate because I don't want to deal with the stress or that nasty coworkers crap. I'm at a loss of what to do anymore and it is wearing me thin.

 

[Friday]

Yep. I've had both where coworkers hate me just for being me, and when coworkers hate things about me that I happen to hate, too.

The second one is the hardest.

The first one, my standard operating procedure is to just not give a shuck. Eh. Whatever. Bite me. This isn't the healthiest attitude on the planet, because most jobs one can actually leave. I cut my teeth on work you can't leave (military) so I have problems these days in realizing... Wait just a durn minute here... I can find new work! That's always kind of funny. And typically about a year past when most people would walk. Or at least, what normal people tell me they'd do. There are many kinds of jobs a person can't actually leave, or leave without completely altering their lives (President, firefighter in a small town, tenure track professorship, etc.). But since leaving the military, none of that has been true for me. Wait! I can leave! Bwaaahahahahaaaa. Or I can stay. And they can really bite me, now. :sneaky:

The second one? Ouch. Talk about reinforcing a cycle of self loathing. Ugh. I haven't found a workaround with this one. Hopefully someone else has. I just sit and suffer for lack of a better plan. Until either I'm able to stop doing what we all hate, or I change jobs / hours to accommodate said irritating thing.

 

[The Albatross]

I haven't found a workplace where being chronically late is tolerated and it isn't too much of a stretch to realize that the people covering for you would become resentful or begin to ignore you because you are taking advantage of them and indulging yourself. A consequence of unmanaged anxiety and procrastination is the resentment by the people who have been covering you. Perhaps you can recognize that your continued reliance on others to cover for you has damaged your work relationship with your coworkers and it's time to initiate a change. It is though disrespectful to not show up on time except for the odd times now and again where there are circumstances beyond your control.

What do you need to be able to get to work on time? Can you make it a goal/challenge and come up with a strategy? Do you even want to or are you content to continue chronic tardiness and relying on your coworkers to make up for your shortcoming?

As for the stress of a coworker who took an instant dislike to you... yeah that happens. But in my recovery circles a long time ago there was a frank discussion about unrealistic expectations. It is an unrealistic expectation to think that I will be accepted, liked, respected or cared for by "all" people in my working environment, familial extended relations, or day to day interactions with other people. A wise person stated, the third, third, and third theory to deal more effectively in situations where it is uncomfortable to deal with certain people.
I think it was his own pet theory, but it is one I personally adopted and has served me well. One third of everybody you come into contact with will "like" you/decide your A-Okay right off the bat. One third of everybody you come into contact with will not care/invest/decide either way. One third of everybody you come into contact will dislike you no matter what you do or say.

With the latter one third, emotional regulation and management of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings come into play. What the person dislikes is unlikely to change much regardless of whatever I do or say. I can live with that, and it works for me.

 

[Philippa]

I'm with Albatross on this one. Whilst showing appreciation is a good thing, eventually your constant pattern of doing this will start to create resentment in the people you work with, so it's natural that they are giving you this feedback, even if it is passive aggressive to some degree and not telling you outright. You can feel it.

Are you assuming that the guy is hating on you because you are a woman?

Whatever your challenges are, you are in the workforce and that means you need to get to work on time most of the time or this will happen. If you are not able to cope then is there any way you can find a less stressful job...like cleaning houses or something that doesn't require that you work with others?

 

[TXbandit]

I've known this guy since I was a kid. He never had a problem with me until I started working there. He also treated my Aunt and the other ladies the same way. I work with family. They understand what I am going through and support me. My uncle talked to the guy giving me shit. He's slacked off but still says things to try to piss me off. I've been there ten years. We've sat in the same office and have not spoken 6 out of those ten years. As for the others, it's getting better.

 

[Lucycat]

Can you negotiate a change in your start & finish time? I mean maybe starting and finishing an hour later, so that you still put in the hours and do the work - with no need to cover you as you will catch up at the end of the day after they have left?

 

[TXbandit]

No. 8-5 only. I'm doing a little better. My anxiety takes over when I get close to leaving for work. I'm out of xanax so it has been tough. I have to go back to my gp to get more. I've had to really pinch the last of my xanax before I ran out and just try to tough it out with out any. Work is really stressful having to tip toe around that man. He really irks me. I think the further I get into therapy, the better my anxiety will get. Just in the start of it now so it may be a while. The lady covering for me understands now that I explained what is going on.

 

[TXbandit]

Someone liked my thread and brought me back to this. Here I am almost a year later. Working part time, keeping up with my work and doing ok. The guy I sit next to hasn't changed. My T helped me with this guy. She said he is a former bullied bully. DUH! lol I have ignored him, been nice to him, went to my safe spot at work to calm myself after we have a issue, walked away from him, etc. I always try to be the better person so I don't look bad to other coworkers. He does a great job of making himself look like a fool so, I don't need to help him do that. I am just going to grin and bear it. That's all I can do.

I have set a goal to ease back into full time before Christmas. Crossing my fingers that all goes well between now and then. I have tried this several times but life likes to throw in a few shitty curve balls. It has been a really rough year for me. I am not giving up though. I can kick this in the rear and get it done.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

The job itself never bothered me really. It was my fellow employees, and their bs inner politics and senseless drama that always got under my skin.