Relationship Has Anyone Here Overcome Their Co-dependency.. Been Struggling

[Shadowofdoubt]

I am so aware of these codependent behaviors. I have made this guy is the center of my life. I even talk to him about my issues. I want to change and learn how to be strong and love myself, but it almost seems impossible. I am 46 and I still have the painful emotional flashbacks, the fear of abandonment or that I don't matter, the need for approval and the catastro-phising that comes when I don't hear from him.

My friend is an online one, but we have spent a lot of time together, he suffers from PTSD and this past month or so he's relapsed with using alcohol, and marijuana. He got denied disability for the 3rd time and April is just a bad trigger month. So he has been gone often. I am in DBT counseling and will be doing EMDR for my PTSD symptoms, but I find myself having a really difficulty time trying to fill my life with other things. I was looking for encouragement and anyone who might be wanting to share their story.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Hello Shadowofdoubt!

I have a link with info concerning codependency developed by a Dr. Hebert Benson from Harvard and written by Ms. Lancer. It is a very good free article found in the Dummie book series (I love these books and have quite a few) and is a pretty solid outline to consider reviewing & sharing with your T for validation. There are many areas within the article to jump start your journey with self-care as well as self-focus which may encourage you. After the review of the somewhat working definition, there are headings for reducing stress through relaxation, turning the focus back onto yourself, & manners of acquiring help for your codependency.

My story is kind-of-simple- I am in grateful recovery for codependence. I am a long time - 12 stepper. There are many ways to change one's choices of behavior but some of the "spots" will remain on the leopard. So I do not get to say," I have recovered from X,Y or Z." I do however, get to offer that with hard work, I began to live a life with me in it.

So here is the article without denominational focus, without 12 step focus...just codependency focus:

http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/codependency-for-dummies-cheat-sheet.html

Let me know what you think...or not. Best of wishes ~

 

[hodge]

I was codependent with my mother for most of my life. She would browbeat me so badly ever since I was 12, when I started to become an individual, separate from her. It's not the same situation that you're in, I know, but the codependent part is. I just had this kneejerk reaction she instilled in me to need her approval for everything I did or thought. Often she didn't approve, but it wasn't because I was wrong; it was just because she didn't agree. Most importantly, she would always try to break up my relationships with men. If I hadn't broken free of her, I wouldn't be married to the wonderful man I'm married to now. What I had to get into my head was that she isn't the boss of my life, I am. I have to live my life, not her.

Also, I used to have a big jealousy problem with men. I always thought they wanted to cheat on me. What I finally realized was that if I was with someone who would cheat on me, he wasn't worth being with! I'd rather be alone.

Keep on with your struggle. I'm 51 and only got to this point a few years ago, so don't lose hope! Just keep on.

 

[Shadowofdoubt]

Thank you for the responses. The guy I have been this way with told me last night he is seeing someone else. It breaks my heart. I will have a hard time letting go, but I'll manage and hopefully get the focus on myself and keep moving forward in my own recovery.

 

[Sweetpea76]

He may have just done you a huge favor... sounds like he didn't deserve your attentions.